I'm fed up and don't know how to make my hubby understand!?

Question

My hubby has a friend that he's know for like 15 yrs. This guy recently lost his place to live and my husband said he could stay a couple of days... well it's been a month and he's STILL in my house! I've told my hubby several times that I don't want him there any more, you know the old saying "fish & house guests stink after three days."
How can I express to my husband the importance of getting this guy out? I am ready to pack up my kids and my stuff and tell my husband when his friend is gone then his family will come home. Is that to drastic?

I spoke to my husband and told him that I'm at the end of my rope. I've noticed that when his friend is in the house the drinking is out of hand however when he does go spend the night elsewhere there's no drinking at all at home. He said he would tell his friend tonight that it's time to move on.

Answer 1

there's a such thing as being nice and there's a such thing as being too nice . put your foot down . the guy has to go! give hubby no choice its either you or the guy period

Answer 2

Well, packing your children up and moving out is pretty drastic, think how disruptive that would be to your children.

I would CALMLY explain to your husband that this guy needs to move on, that you are simply not comfortable with him staying in YOUR home any longer. A month is ample time to find another place to live, and if he still hasn't found a place, maybe paying a hotel bill for a week or so will get him motivated to do so. The key is to do this CALMLY, the minute you get emotional about this, is probably the minute your husband starts to tune you out. So keep the emotions minimal. Write it out in advance if you need to, and read it to him...or...write it in a letter to him, and have him read it. That way you can read it over, make sure it says what you want it to say, and then the emotion is left out of the equation. If that fails, then I would simply tell the friend yourself that he is no longer welcome in your home, and he needs to leave, and that you will call the police if need be.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

YES i would say that 's a tad on the extreme~ To pack up the kids and move out till he kicks his friend out.
I understand it's an awkward , unbearable situation right now and yes sometimes a few days , leads into a month or months and next thing you know he's been free loading for a year or more.
I do suggest sitting your hubby down and explaining in a calm manner,..that its' too much for you to handle with him always being there and he hasn't attempted to find another place to live...that you want your family time back..and quality time with your husband back...........
If your friend of 15yrs was in the same situation, would you not allow her to stay in your home? Im sure your husband would say ok for a few days, which leads to a month and so on.........You need to openly and honestly tell your husband what it is about his friend that drives you crazy.......and tell him you want your family back~ Perhaps the two of you can start HELPING this friend in finding a new place to live instead of saying nothing and allowing him to loaf around the house, doing nothing for himself to better himself to get him out of the situation he's in.
What made him lose his place to live?? No job?? help him get his confidence back to look for work, and to find a place to live. Don't make this a pick and choose with your husband........he feels he's helping a friend in need..and you may not know all the facts.......so dont' assume or jump to your own conclusions.........TALK this out with your husband and talk to his friend find out what his plans/goals are for the near future.......has he looked for work? does he intend on looking for work? and a new place?? He is obviously in a bind right now for whatever reason, could be also depressed with his life so needs a wee kick in the behind to get him motivated. Don't make a mountain out of a moehill.......Take one step at a time to get your family back and this fellow on his way. GOODLUCK*

Answer 4

No you're right. I was nice to board this guy for a few days but now he is imposing. After a month he should have earned enough money to go get himself an apartment. You and your hubby should sit this guy down and be open and tell him that as you opened your doors to him in an emergency you did'nt expect it to be a permanent situation and now it is imposing on you and your husband's privacy, and that you will give him 2 more weeks to get his own place or find other arrangements. He should understand , thank you for your generous hospitality and move on.

Answer 5

That's a tad drastic, and to throw down an ultimatum like that will upset your husband, and yourself...

Why don't you sit and talk to your husband, and tell him;

"I am understanding that your friend has fell on some hard times, but we need to live our life as well, if we keep him under our roof then how will he ever become self sufficient? He needs to be an independent man and live his life, as we have to live ours."

And just keep on him to get his friend out of your home!

If that doesn't work, maybe consider an architect, and have some blueprints drawn up for his friends addition to your home!

Good luck!

Answer 6

Has the man been looking for his own place? Does he work? I would not throw him out if he is making an effort and just hasn't been able to accomplish getting his own place yet but I would definetly take up "rent" for food he is eating and water and power.
If he is just being a lazy bum and using your husbands friendship then I would tell him to get out, after all it is your house as well as your husbands.

Answer 7

Absolutely not. If it is causing a disruption in your lifestyle, then the guest has worn out his welcome. I understand that helping others is something we must do, but enough is enough. If he needs some additional time and has no where else to go, then set up some rules. He must clean up everything, allow some family alone time and leave during certain days/hours, and most of all, contribute financially. When all of this is put in place, hopefully he will assume he is an imposition and willingly seek shelter elsewhere.

Answer 8

Sit hubby down and tell him its the friend or you and the kids. Tell him he has 2 days to get the guy out and that if he doesnt then you are out of there. Dont cook or clean up after hubby or the friend. If hubby wants him there that bad let him feed and clean up after the bum.

Answer 9

Yeah, just a tad. Is his mere presence upsetting you, or is something he does or doesn't do upset you? The reason I ask is you need to list specific issues when approaching your husband. "Buddy" needs to leave! Won't work - but if you say, "Buddy" ate all of the chocolate cake I baked for you, and drank all your beer, and is wearing your underwear - THEN he can understand and share in your frustration and will set the wheels in motion to get "Buddy" a new place to live.

I wish you well!

Answer 10

Your husband is a very very sympathetic idiot.Tell him in a way he understands or else your method to pack up is alright.Then his friend will realise and he may get out on his own.
It is very unfair to so long after getting permission for a few days.Such things should n't have been entertained at all.

Answer 11

nope not too drastic at all. I would tell him the same but beware that you may not like the end result. If you are giving him an ultimatum, be prepared. Or you could tell him to get out yourself.