Just need some advice?

Question

I am married, and my husband and I have agreed to wait to have children until we are job secure and financially secure. My brain agrees, my heart doesn't. I feel the extreme pull of motherhood. I really hate the fact that I feel this way, but I'm jeolous of anyone I see pregnant, or with young children. Any advice on how to stop wanting it so bad?

Answer 1

i would suggest maybe talking to your husband again, and see if he feels the same way, at first my husband and i were going to wait but then when we thought about it, we both realized that we are not getting any younger and did not want to be in our 60's when our kids are grown up, so we figured we would have plenty of time later on to worry about ourselves!

i don't know how to tell you to stop wanting it so bad, i actually would tell you not to stop wanting it! having a baby changed my life and now i am having my second!

Answer 2

I too, an in the same boat. My husband and are are still young (I am 23, he is 24) but we have been married for 2 years now and I have suddenly caught the "baby bug." All I can think about is having a baby! We also decided to wait until we are more financially stable, but like my sister-in-law said, there is never a perfect time for a baby. My husband and I have decided that we will try for a baby this fall. I say, follow your heart. Things will work out even if they are a bit difficult at the beginning. Good luck! :)

Answer 3

If you wait until you are financially secure you will never have children. Be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel. As long as you can keep a roof over your head and provide basic necessities, you will be okay. You may have to change your way of living slightly to accomodate a baby - less dining out, less travel, less impulse buying, etc., but with a few minor adjustments, it will be possible. Even if it's not now - set a time with your husband. 6-months, a year, whatever you two can agree on. It will give you a bit more time to save, but knowing that it is in the forseeable future may ease your jealously and make it easier to deal until you guys do start tryingl. Best of luck.

Answer 4

You're never going to be at the right place financially to have children. I know so many people, including myself, who thought that and you can wait forever to get there to that 'secure' feeling of have your bills paid, a large savings and spending money. I agree that you don't need to rush into children, but finding the right time may be more about knowing you are both mature enough to love and care for a child. Trust me. You make it work somehow from the money side. Maybe make a schedule to discuss regularly with your husband and be honest about what you are feeling. If you both decide to wait, maybe find ways to spend time with other children until you can have your own. It can fill a void for you or make you realize you are not quite ready. Good luck. It's a big step in life.

Answer 5

Having a baby is the only cure sorry. Your heart wants a baby and that won't change, you will be jealous until you have one of your own. Let my tell you something you are never finiacal or job secure enough to have a baby. When I found out I was pregnant the first time, my insurance just kicked in and a month later my hubby lost his job. Have a baby when you are both ready physically and emotional, not money and job wise, because those come and go.

Answer 6

Oh hun, I wish I could help you to stop wanting it, but I'm not sure anyone can! I had that feeling and I'm now 36 weeks pregnant!

As to being financially secure, we are - we're not rich, but earn enough to get by as a family... Remember, there is never a "right" time to have a child... Think seriously, and if it really feels right in your heart, maybe you should follow your motherly instinct!

I used to get really jealous of the pregnant mums picking their kids up from school, and especially of one friend who has 5. I spoke to my b/f and we agreed it was the right time.

Good luck and only you know what's best!!

:-)

Answer 7

One thing that might help would be to set concrete goals, rather than just "job secure and financially secure." Figure out together what those two terms really mean to you, and how exactly you'll be able to identify how you've reached them.

For example, it may mean that student loans are paid off, that you've each worked at your jobs for 2 years, that you owe less than $2K on credit cards, that cars are more than half paid off, that you have your own house, that you've gone on one dream vacation, and that you have a couple months' salary in a savings account.

Having those type of concrete goals gives you something to work towards, and a way to say "now we know that we are job and financially secure."

Answer 8

I don't have any advise except that if you wait until you are financially secure you may never have children. Job secure yes I think it is a good idea to wait. Good Luck! Perhaps babysit a gorup of 4 kids for a while. It's great birth control!! *smile*

Answer 9

i am a mother of two under 2 right now and i am 23. in my opinion if you wait til you are financially ready to have kids you may never have them. kids bring A LOT of expenses...you just have to learn what you need and what you don't need...whats important and whats not. if you feel the pull towards motherhood go for it. a baby needs love not all the stuff in the world.

Answer 10

Gosh...........be honest with yourself. Your never ever financially secure enough........what if you get pregnant with multiples.............there goes the money! Love knows no boundaries sweetie. BABY SITTING is a good way to see if your ready but it's not the same as having your own. Are you both able to have children? Sometimes people wait and wait and then they try and get pregnant and find out they can't...........so is it even worth waiting? Talk to you husband again and tell him what's going on with you. If he is not sensitive to you.......I'd rethink the husband thing...............(up to you).