he cheated,can I trust?

Question

Okay...when Schuyler and I first got together he didn't cheat by kissing or doing anything with her,he cheated by spending time with her.We broke up...then got back together a month later and he cheated again...well we broke up...about two months later we got back together a month into our relationship he cheated four times,I got him back by cheating two.Since we lived together he asked me to marry him and express how sorry he is for hurting me in so many ways...we have been together for 6 months with no problems...is it safe now to trust him??

OKAY BY SPENDING TIME WITH HER I MEAN HE WAS WITH HER EVERYDAY FOR TWO WEEKS AND LIED AND SAID HE WAS AT HOME OR AT WORK...AND WHEN YOU LIE ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH SOMEONE I THINK THAT'S CHEATING.

Answer 1

Oh Dear, seems you arein a fix, 1st of all, do not jump into a marriage when the foundation is not strong, l went thru a simillair time like your BF and thing is l married my wife and l still had friends whom l will go out with, nothing intimate but at times sori to say, men are not always at their best behaviour. l am now divorced from her as l choose work and other pleasures and l have a daughter, during then we too were staying together and hence we got married forthe sake of doing so. Think is better to have a cooling period and ask yourselfs what do both of you want. It will not help. and l will be embarking on to another marriage, hopefully next year and she is my classmate in Primary school. l have been truthful and l feel so relaxed being with her hence l tell her all my stuff and thats how a relation may work. Communication.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to be blunt and possibly mean, but here it is: neither of you is ready for a committed relationship, much less a marriage.

Love is not a feeling - love is doing, sacrificing, putting one above the other every single day. If he is cheating on you, how much can you expect from him? He can't even sacrifice enough to not be with another woman - doesn't that sound ridiculous?

As for you - love and marriage aren't games. Your marriage will likely end in a divorce if your reaction to cheating is to "get even" by cheating on him. That's immature and only hurts the relationship.

Time doesn't heal wounds...a change of heart and character does. He must be committed to never cheat on you again. He must show this through his actions. You are just as guilty - you must show forgiveness and love and not stoop to that horrible level of cheating.

I value marriage as something very holy. If you rush into marriage based on 6 months of no cheating and with your past history of cheating, you are treating marriage as something meaningless - a bond that is easily broken just by signing divorce papers. Fix yourselves first, then think about marriage later.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, but the only way you could trust him is to let him show you. He cannot erase it by asking to marry you. He need to show you remorse and an honest effort to change. Whether he sees a counselor, social worker or a psychiatrist he needs to find out why he has done these things and if /how to stop. He or you may learn in this process that you are not truly in love with one another to cause such pain to them in the past. Talk to someone if you really want to try and make it work. But from my experiences and seeing friends in the past...he will never change. It may be years from now but it most likely will happen again. UNLESS, you get some serious relationship counsel. Best wishes.

Answer 4

no, because it seems from what you said that there's always a little doubt in the back of your mind! sorry, i don't completely understand what 'cheated' implies in your situation. but if you can't trust him 100 per cent, then you'll definitely have problems with Schuyler at some point. if you actually hafta ask yourself whether its safe to trust him, well that question answers itself, doesn't it? leave him, move on ... or at least take a break till you both find that you're ready to figure out what you want to do about this relationship.

Answer 5

Move out, get some distance, see how he is from afar. Get your own life established, because you may need to be able to live without him. If after a time of living apart you both mutually find that you really do need each other, that you are both ready for an exclusive relationship and that you both have been able to make that commitment to each other during times of testing, then you are ready. If you can't spend some time apart, you are too dependent on each other and can't see clearly, and you aren't ready for this relationship.

Answer 6

Spending time with someone isn't cheating, unless inappropriate words or actions are occuring during that time.

However you claim to have "cheated" too so what right do you have to take issue with cheating? You can't do it yourself, but biotch about it when someone else does it.

Doesn't sound like you two are a good match. Sit down and analyze yourself and if you don't like cheating, then don't do it...then find yourself a guy who won't look at anyone but you (good luck).

Answer 7

No way and what are you two doing living together! Wouldn't you rather be with a man that respected you enough to never cheat on you. Leave the idiot and please don't get married. unless you think divorce is ok because that is where you will end up.

Answer 8

Why would you marry him or him you? There wasn't any trust there to begin with and you go and get married, this relationship sounds doomed.

Answer 9

I wouldn't trust any guy named Schuyler.

Answer 10

I would trust him but wouldnt tell him that bc that might look like his free ticket to do it again ya know!!