So Yesterday was my b-day and my hubby got me a card. Just a card, no flowers, no presents. He also got a cake and he and my kids sang happy bday to me after dinner. He got off from work early, but didnt call me when didnt found me at home. I get home late on tuesdays and he knows it. I wasnt expecting anything big but a little something wouldve been nice.He used to get me really nice gifts,but for st valentine i dindt get much either. A box of chocolate that he ate since im not a big chocolate eater, same thing he will do with the cake he gotfor my bday. I know he isnt broke and he spend hours online shopping for crap for his car. Should I say something? i dont wanna sound like a shollow B*** but i am a little hurt.
2007-04-11 04:51:23 · 14 answers · asked by xadralix 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well you said you didn't want much... you may be giving him mixed signals. Maybe he felt the card was really heart-felt and applied to your life. Was it a romantic card or one joking about how you are over the hill?
I would let it go.. next year tell him what you want or just suggest a place for dinner.
2007-04-11 04:56:31 · answer #1 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ahh, the joys of Love...sounds like you've been married for a few years & have passed out of the newlywed phase. I'll answer based on that assumption, if that's alright...
I think it's a pretty well-know phenomenon that both men and women do more for each other during the "chase", and our extra efforts to express love (gifts, flowers, etc) are unintentionally left by the wayside as we become more secure in our couplehood. It sounds like this is what may have happened with your hubby. It also sounds like he is experiencing the psychological phenomenon (that I forget the name of) in which humans know what we need & want, so we assume that other humans have the same needs & wants. Your hubby would appreciate eating the cake, so he subconsciously assumes you would, too. While he's put forth a lot of effort into getting the card & cake, then rounding up the kids & convincing them to sing "Happy Birthday", it's not occurring to him that you might appreciate some flowers or something else more than the cake or chocolate.
Expressing our needs & wants to someone, especially if s/he is an important part of meeting those needs & wants but isn't doing so, is not shallow...it's communication that is required for a healthy relationship. Guys are pretty decent about expressing their needs & wants, so they tend to assume that if something is wrong, women *will* say something. If you express your feelings to your hubby kindly & gently, you won't sound shallow. Make sure that he understands you appreciate all he HAS done, because, it did require effort that he normally doesn't expend. But also help him along a bit by offering some suggestions, like the flowers, jewelry, a DVD you'd like, etc. His ego might be a little hurt, but he'll ultimately try to understand & remember the info for the next time you celebrate an occasion (Mother's Day?). Also, you might want to wait a few days, just to ease the ego-hurt...so he doesn't feel like you're immediately criticizing him for "doing something wrong". Good luck!
2007-04-11 12:19:36 · answer #2 · answered by utpyrobabe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be happy either because he set an expectation that he will get you something nice on holidays -- and if it isn't money issues than I would say there is an underlying issue that you don't know about or he decided not to do gifts anymore and in that case I would maybe take on the same tradition. But if its really bothering you and not that you didn't get anyting but rather why you didn't than I would ask if he was upset with you or if he isn't happy for some other reason that would cause him to change.
2007-04-11 11:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by Okaydokay21 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say just what you told us. If you don't then he will think that what he has been doing is quite okay. Years and years ago my hubby did the same, I thought if I made a big deal for him on his days he would get the hint. He didn't and I just went from hurt to darn right MAD. I finally told him how I felt and I get treated like a queen now. It isn't always something expensive but thought is always behind the gift. Tell him....
2007-04-11 11:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He got you a card and a cake - don't be a nag. He acknowledged your day with your children. If you complain, you won't get anything. In the future, when all of the special days have passed, have a pleasant discussion with him about what kind of things you like done for your special days. He is a guy; He doesn't automatically know these things. You have to teach him how to please you.
2007-04-11 12:01:30 · answer #5 · answered by truly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not shallow. If you let it go, it will only happen again. And then it will be mother's day too. Men cannot read minds and must be told specifically what we expect of them. My husband and I have an agreement. We discussed what days are important to us. We deciced on cards and gifts for birthdays, mother's day and father's day, and dinner on our anniversary. We choose not to celebrate Valentine's day. Sure, it's a little planned, but no one gets disappointed.
2007-04-11 12:00:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
As people get older, the expectations for gifts get less. Did you hint that you were unhappy with this particular birthday? Is this a habit of his?
Maybe he needs help. I think you're well past the surprise birthday party scenario, so arrange to go out to a nice restaurant this weekend on his tab.
2007-04-11 11:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't be so materialist.
At least he got the family together for your B-Day with cake and a card. At least he didn't forget so cut him some slack.
If you want a nice gift, then go get what you want.
2007-04-11 11:59:16 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
most men dont notice or care about "dates" bday, anniversaries.... could be upbringing, could be genetic. Let him know that it is important to you (he might not really know just how much) and then yell at his best friend to remind him in case he forgets. PS. men are dogs and dumb ones at that
2007-04-11 11:59:21 · answer #9 · answered by QnA34 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, since he isn't a mind reader, yes tell him. My mother always used to tell us kids to tell people because some just don't know and need to be told.
I'm sure he loves you, that's why he is there.
Even God tells us to ask him for things even though he already knows what we need. So tell him and be tactful and kind.
Bear in mind that he shows his love in other ways.
2007-04-11 11:57:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋