What should I do? My mother and I have just begun to rebuild our relationship after 4 years?

Question

of very little contact following my parents divorce and any contact that was actually had was rather cold/hostile. She's recently asked me to be her maid-of-honor when she gets re-married. I told her I wasn't sure, that it was kind of fast for me considering all that's happened between us. She says she understands that, to a point, and that she's been my mother for 20 years and it would mean a lot to her. I just don't know which would be the wisest decision. I really don't know how much I even want to attend the wedding let alone be her m-o-h; it'd probably be better for our mending relationship if I just did it, but we really haven't done a lot yet to let it mend. I know it's been years, but it still hurts when I think about it, but for the most part I just can't feel that mad or upset about it anymore at least not anywhere near to the degree that I used to feel, so maybe I should just let it go. What do you think?

Answer 1

Let it go. I was in the same situation. Actually, my mother left when I was 2 days old. Came back in my life, or tried to, around high school age. We knew of each other, lived close, I would see her once in awhile, but it was usually a fight and mean words. I really, really just did not like her and couldn't get along with her. She didn't like me much either.
Then, I got pregnant at the age of 17. Not much changed. By the time my son was a year old, she was trying to come back in my life. I assumed it was to see her grandchild (as we never got along) and maybe that is it. But, slowly, we got along. We do not, and never will have that close-loving-mother-daughter relationship. But it is still nice to have her around. And we have talked (6 years after my son was born) - and she said she was sorry, she knows she was wrong, etc. I don't forgive her, but it's much easier to get along than have anger.
So, yes - be in the wedding. It is her way of saying "I'm your mom. I screwed up, and there's nothing I can do about it. But, you are my daughter and there is no one else I'd rather have be such an important person at my wedding than you."
Put your differences aside. This could be the start of a relationship. You don't have to hug each other and all that. Just be there, enjoy yourself, and take things as they come. Things will work out how they're supposed to. Good or bad. But, don't do something to intentionally stop the good.

Answer 2

I think you should let it go. I'm sure it took a lot for your mother to even ask you, and I have to agree with her. No matter what your relationship was like for the past few years, she has been your mother for 20, and I bet she did many, many things for you when you were young that she didn't want, but she knew it would make you happy. It's time to repay that debt and even if you aren't happy at her wedding, it will mean so much to her if you at least act like it.

Answer 3

When people are under emotional distress, they act, say and do things that are out of the ordinary. It doesn't mean that they love you less than they ever did.

Your mom is starting over in her life with a new man. She's happy. And be happy for her. And if she wants you to be in her wedding party, just appease her.

You two will have time to talk things over. Give her a few months with her new husband and all the changes that will take place.

If you want to reconcile, be able to walk into this willing to forgive her, your father, and yourself.

Answer 4

I would try to let it go. Letting it go is a decision and so you may continue to feel negative feelings from time to time but it sounds like this would be a great step on your part to move your relationship with your Mom forward.

Answer 5

Let it go but watch your heart.