How does your husband react when you turn down sex?

Question

How often do you have sex on average each week?

Is your husband sympathetic to low sex drive due to pregnancy/birth of a baby or illness?

I just was hoping to show my husband we have sex a normal amount of times and how other marriages work around these sorts of issues.

Answer 1

My husband is sucha big baby about it when we dont have sex because I say no. We have sex maybe 1 to 2 times a week. Sometimes less. Then he will started talking about how long its been, which he alwasy exagerates. If we go to bed, and I'm too tired from chasing my two toddlers all day, he tends to wait until I get all cozy and just ready to drift off, then wants to fight about it. He will roll over and say something like "dont you see why I'm upset?" or "I am just suposed to accept the fact that my wife doesn't want me?". Its so stupid because it has nothing to do with him, I am just tired or not in the mood. Its just rediculous. I wish I could just give in and do it, but then as I say to him, how would he like doing it knowing tha I am forcing myself to do it.. but thats makes him mad too....lol. Its hopeless.... Good luck!

Answer 2

Honestly, I don't think there is a "normal" number when it comes down to sex. It depends on the couple, how long they've been together, whether there are kids, and what your schedules are like. Most men want to have sex more often than women do. That is normal.

I know that after a long day, there are some times when the answer is just "not tonight honey". You need to talk with him and tell him how you feel. If you're only having sex once a month then he is bound to wonder what's up. However, if you're having sex 3 nights out of the week, and it wants it every night, you just need to come up with a compromise so that you're both happy. That's what a marriage is anyway... finding a way so that you're both happy.

Answer 3

Threats of physical harm are VERY BAD. You may think it's a one-time thing, but what if it happens again? Or if it's happened in the past & you've brushed it off? It's a good indication that there is something wrong in your relationship with your husband. Please seek some form of assistance - either by calling an abuse hotline or contacting a marriage counselor. That being said - men & women do have different sexual rhythms. Contrary to popular belief, most men aren't interested in sex at the end of the long day. They usually do just want to relax and go to sleep. A more opportune time would be when you both are about to wake up - most men have a body part that wakes up shortly before they do - and that's a perfect time to take advantage of it. If you & your husband are out of sexual synch, this is something that could also be brought up to a marriage counselor.

Answer 4

I was with my wife 27 years and usuall had sex at least 4 times a week. I don't know what its like to be turned down as a married man. Now that i'm single once a week is ok. But i like it more and like foreplay of some sort daily.

Answer 5

The birth of a baby is a turning point that can have a negative impact on sexual relationships. Much of this is hormone-based so men should not "blame" women or whine and pout. Asking for sex is a vulnerable act, and being turned down can feel like rejection if the woman just brushes it aside, but still -- why so many women marry these big candy-a*ss babies and have their children is beyond me, but okay - you picked them, so you get to keep them.

Anyway, U Texas, Men's Health, the Physician's Hormone Center of New York, and the New England Journal of Medicine all report that the average sexual frequency for most married couples is one to two times a week - 3 times a week is the high end of the average frequency in terms of majority of responses.

Now, is that a number most men enjoy? DIfferent question. Probably not. But there it is nevertheless. So if he is bugging you by saying 7 times a week is average, he is wrong. It takes quite a few months for a woman who is coping with the time, emotional and hormonal pressures of a newborn (especially when she is breast feeding) to even start to think about returning to 'normal' - which now has a new definition that includes caring for a child 24/7/365.

You've at least got to sit him down outside the bedroom and say, "Look. When I take a rain check on sex, it doesn't mean I don't love you. Look at what I am going through - not am done with - but am currently going through. I just had a baby. The hormones in my body tell me to not even *want* sex while I am breast feeding and will be in me for a couple of months after I am done with that. I get up 19 times a night. I notice every sound; I pay attention to every noise and cough and breath the baby takes. You are down the hall playing Halo. So when we hit the sack, I am bone tired. You are just getting going. That's what is causing the conflict - not that I suddenly hate you - I suddenly have a huge life-changing responsibility.

So, share it with me. Learn how to feed and change and get up with the baby. Share the load with me. It will keep us close and when I start feeling horny again we'll go at it like jackrabbits (please don't tell him right now that many women just never recover until their 40's... that's our little secret) . I'll do what I can to inform you of the help I need, but you've got to help out. Or the baby will just drive a wedge between us and since I carried it for 9 months and pushed it out of me and am hugely emotionally tied to it, my attention goes there first. So help me with that and then in a while we'll work on the sex thing." Just be sure to follow through on your promise to work on the sex thing later. That's where lots of women fall down and hardly ever get back up.

Answer 6

If my husband didn't want to- I would respect that...if I didn't want to- he would respect that. Baby time wears you out (in a good way) but you are exhausted and your body goes through ALOT. Spend alot of time together and make sure you both get lots of attention.
To be quite honest- after our baby came we weren' "together" for quite some time but I never wasn't ready and willing for him!
Sometimes we do comething special for the other to let them know we were thinking about them...I left him a basket on the kitchen table one day with body soap, bubblebath, a six pack that I made labels for (to look like wine because we don't like wine) 2 washclothes, a smelly candle, etc. and wrote a note that said "I wish we were taking a real hot bath right now but if you want to wash your day away feel free to use this because I love you and I'll see you at 10pm- when I get home from work..."
When I got home a candlelight dinner was on the table and he was dressed in a gorgeous suit he borrowed from a friend...there was a note that said " I had to wash up after work but I thought about you all day- I thought if I could make her dinner she'd be so happy.."
We proceeded to eat together and then the baby started crying! lol. We tended to our son together and as a family sat outside and looked at the stars. We weren't ... "together" that night- but we were so close. You don't have to do a certain thing to be intimate...just enjoy each other!

Answer 7

he acts like it hurts his feeling when I turn him down
1-3 times per week. Everyone where I used to work was talking about this and many of them said they only have sex once a week. A few said less than that and They all seemed to have happy normal relationships

Answer 8

My husband actually seems upset if I turn down sex, like his feelings have been hurt. I am pregnant right now. It has not affected my sex drive yet.

We have sex usually every other day, on the weekends more.

This is why I dont see why he is so upset if I turn him down once in awhile.

Answer 9

During pregnancy and stuff my husband was very sweet about when I didn't want to have sex especially as I got further along. However, if I am tired because of the babies getting up numerous times in the middle of the night he pouts if I say no. I just tell him when he starts getting up the the kids then he can complain.

Answer 10

I think men in general are all petulant little brats when it comes to sex. Honestly, I think men equate how much we love them to the actual act more than women do. Think about it. I’ve done & been on both sides & rides of the coin. I’ll explain. I’ve been with a man who I would do everyday for the rest of his life & it’s the best either of us has ever had, but he’d rather stick out a sexless relationship he’s gotten into now, rather piss & moan about it then to reconsider. Ps, the relationship we had wasn’t a nasty irrational one. Things just didn’t work out because of external problems unrelated to us. Ok, & in my average long term relationships I’d say for the first few years it’s almost everyday if not some act similar. Then after a while it becomes an every other day thing & stays there on average. Which I think is healthy. I just don’t have time for it EVERY day. I love it, but I just can’t. Now what pisses me off is that childish bs they pull when you honestly say “not in the mood” or “too tired” or “sick” because how is them acting like an *** going to entice you to want to in that eager hungry way they want you to. Now remember, we as women also have to understand they want to feel wanted just as much as we do, so we do need to get on the ball to instigate more often instead of waiting to be taken. You know? If you all (guys) were a little more understanding & realized it’s all in the quality & not the quantity you’d probably get it more often & the way you want it.