should i let her see my son?

Question

my ex of only a month asked me to marry him at christmas, we had a bit of a rocky past about him leaving me then coming back but i have a six year old son to him so i thought i would give him a chance so i said yes, 4 weeks ago he came in said that it was not gonna work and moved out.
he has seen my son every week and things on that side are fine, now he has met this new girl friend and after two weeks she is giving up her flat to move in to his house, i feel this is very quick and even though they were friends 15 years ago, i dont want my son being with her and getting attached to her if they are not gonna work. but every one is saying that if they have mved in together then its the real thing

we only split a month ago, i would not upset my child by having a boyfriend round him untill i knew it was gonna work

Answer 1

Well, I know I want to say no way. Don't let him see her. But there's a couple of other things to take into consideration.

First, do you have a formal custody arrangement that allows him private visitation? If so, then there is nothing you can do.

There's also a certain amount of him being able to do what he feels best as he his the child's father. That needs to be balanced with how much he has been a part of the boy's life over the entire 6 years. If it has been regular and consistent, you should talk with him about holding off on the new girlfriend for a while, try to have him understand your views and try to get him to agree with you. You don't want to have any kind of stand off with your ex if he has been a consistent figure in your son's life. It would be more traumatic for his dad to be kept away from him than it would be to see a rocky, iffy relationship taking place.

If it has been hit or miss and you have been the main source of stability for your son, then your son needs to be ensured of stability in his life. To get attached to this girl and then she takes off would be very traumatic to him, especially if there's a chance that his dad will step out of his life for a while as well now that he's no longer with you.

If it's going to happen, find a way to sit down with your son and explain to him that daddy has a girlfriend now BEFORE he meets her. Try to explain to him in a way that a six year old would understand without confusing him or giving him too much information. "I will always be your mommy" "he will always be your daddy" "she is a special friend of daddy's but that doesn't change our family", and whatever you do, don't say anything bad about her or anything like that.

Good luck, this is a difficult situation and I am dreading the day that my ex gets a new girl for this very reason...

Answer 2

I know you are angry at him. You waited 6 years before marrying him but you DID ignore your rocky past with him. That was a red flag you should have paid attention to. Even so, it's understandable that you are angry.

I'm glad he's seen his son every week since you split up. It sounds like he cares about his son and that you've allowed him to visit.

What angers you most is that while he didn't give your relationship the chance you believe it deserved, he has found someone to replace you way too soon.

The fact that they are moving in together does NOT prove that it's "the real thing". She might be just a quick sex fix.

I hope you have completed your divorce already, but divorces usually take months, so that is not likely. You CAN reasonably ask the court to deny any woman to share his visits with your son UNLESS she is married to your ex. That would mean that during any visitation, she would have to leave and could NOT join him during his visits with your son... UNLESS she's married to your ex.

I know this can be done, because my husband and I met at the end of his divorce and his wife had the judge put this into the visitation restrictions. So, every visit he had was without me until we married.

The most important thing is your son. He needs you as his mother and he needs your ex as his father, so do NOT undercut or attack your ex verbally or otherwise to your son. And, if he marries the girl, make no complaints about her presence.

Answer 3

Sister, I can understand your feelings! I've been through a similar situation. The thing is that whether your son is 6 or 60 there will be times when things happen to him that you can't control. So- he may get attached to the new woman, and she may go away... We can't predict the future! Life is full of changes... some seem easy, some more difficult.... but the Only thing that Never changes is that Everything Changes. Better for him to have this experience at his age while surrounded by loving family (YOU!!). You can help guide him through his feelings about all of this whether it works out or not. I know that in my case, I was more jealous of the new woman than I was really concerned for my child's feelings. I was hurt for Myself- not my child. After several years have gone by- the "other woman" has become a helpmate for me. We share child care duties... we work together. I would never have imagined that I would be able to even look at her, much less sit up all night with her with my child at the hospital... both of us equally concerned. Give it time.... relax, and know that your son has a Safe place in You! Life isn't always roses, and you can't protect your son from everything. Trust his father to keep him Safe. You can handle the rest!

Answer 4

You have the right, and you are correct. Your child should not have anything to do with this new Girlfriend. you dont want him to get the wrong perception of relationships. After only a month, it's not right.

It would be hard since she's living with him for your child not see this new girl. You have to make sure that your ex tells the child this is a friend of daddys and DO NOT tell the kid this is your aunt or your step mom

we had problems with my step daughter. she didnt know who her real family was, because her mom would introduce her to all kinds of ppl and say this is your aunty so and so, or this is your papaa or mimi, or grammy and it wasnt true. So she's about to be 7 and she has no clue

Answer 5

And so with all things considered probably the best way to go is to talk to your ex, and explain that you dont want your child to be confused by this situation, but that in time when they have been together for a suitable length of time, you would be happy for your son to get to know your ex"s girlfriend gradually, monitoring the situation constantly, until you are happy that there relationship is going to be lasting.

Answer 6

First and foremost keep your son's safety first. Regardless to how small or big the situation. My daughter's father and i were together for almost 3 years. She's 4 and hasnt seen her father since early 2005. (all his choice) I'm married now and choose not to deal with the ignorance of him and his people. If he chooses to see her or be with her its always a "come to her" type situation. She wont leave with him til she can pick up her own phone and call me when she needs to. (we live in different states also)
Always think what's best for your baby... Your're all he has when it comes down to it all.

Answer 7

Focus on your child. Go back to the court and petition for a change in the settlement in regards to your EX and visitation in front of the new girl. Make is a supervised meeting overseen by the courts.

Answer 8

You want your son to continue his relationship with his dad, right? It goes without saying that while the girlfriend is in his life your son will have to deal with her too. You'd have to refuse your ex visitation to keep your son from the girlfriend.

As long as there's nothing wrong with your ex's relationship with your son then let them see each other. He needs to continue to have him in his life.

Sounds like you're trying to get back at your ex through your son. You need a better reason to refuse visitation -- abuse, alcoholism, and the like -- than it just being a relationship that's moving too fast.

Yea. The ex treated you like dirt. No doubt about that. But don't penalize your son for it.

Answer 9

i'm specific he would have and that i'm specific he had to. notwithstanding, this replaced into element of God's plan on account that earlier the Earth replaced into created. His Son volunteered to come returned to Earth to teach mankind after which to go through and die as a sacrifice for our sins. He payed the fee for our own sins--each physique persons, so as that if we'd repent and have confidence in Him and what he did, we does not would desire to go through the effects for our sins. because of this loving sacrifice, we are able to be forgiven for our blunders and return to stay with God. God knew that this sacrifice may well be necessary, and due to this he enable his Son bypass via with it and enable the folk crucify him. yet he would have stopped it if he had to. John 3:sixteen For God so enjoyed the worldwide that he despatched his only begotten Son that whosoever might have confidence in him shouldn't perish, yet have eternal existence.

Answer 10

nope. How do you know she will be around for a long time, and plus you two just split-- and he is moving in with someone! Sounds like someone had been lying to you, no person moves that quickly! Personally, my children are my gems, and with gems you treat them gently...therefore not exposing them to harmful life effects! I wouldnt want him to be around, neither the new person right now. I wouldnt put my son in my personal life's affairs and the ending of them! I would wait.