Are you supposed to listen to your heart or your head?

Question

My heart says I am just not into this relationship anymore (9 years) but my head is saying I would be an idiot for leaving. I am so completely torn all I can do is cry. I really think my head is winning this battle and completely overriding what my heart wants.

P.S. No kids, not married because after this long what is the difference really, and he isn't abusive, but he isn't really supportive or understanding and kind of selfish.

Answer 1

HOw do you know its your heart and not your head? I'm in the same boat as you except I am married and with one child. which makes things even more difficult. Even though I am not one to speak because I can not find the courage to leave and listen to my heart(i suppose) or maybe its my head.. i think that you are in aposition where you have to think about yourself! since there are no kids involved. Nine years may seem like a long time but if you continue to live in this life that you are not into it will only be harder to leave the longer you wait. I think that even if he is a great guy and you are a great person maybe you are not great together and there is someone out there that will make you feel happy. Follow your heart. You may regret it at first but in the long run you will look back and tell yourself why did i wait so long.

Answer 2

Neither, you're supposed to listen to your parents : P But seriously, You should re-examine your priorities, what do you really want? is it a successful long term but cool relationship or a Short but fulfilling one? Just because a relationship is no longer passionate doesn't mean it is not successful. People change over time and priorities change too. Maybe, you and your partner no longer feel the same because of changes in priorities like children or work. The fact that you hesitate means there must still be something worth staying around for so maybe you just need a change of pace or as the cliches goes.."a little time away from each other"and "some space" either way, talking to someone you know and trust is probably a lot better than asking strangers who know nothing about your life. So to go back to my first answer, go ask your parents : P

Answer 3

Maybe you should step outside yourself for a moment and consider the bigger picture. Is your relationship just going through a bad patch?

If you think its a bad patch then ride it out till the next boom. Your relationship may be even better than you perceive it to be.

However if you are not fulfilling each others needs, then amicably opt out.

Since your head is telling you to stay, this person must have qualitites you know others admire and is a great catch... but for someone else, not you.
If this is the case, let this person be free for those who will appreciate him/her without reservation.

Go with your gut feeling: it is what your heart wants but takes into account the brain's memory of experience. A balance between heart and head.

Answer 4

Maybe go to premarital counseling to figure out if there is something in your relationship that can be fixed or if you should say goodbye. It is not good to go into marriage if your heart and head just are not in it. This will basically eat away at your marriage. It is better to figure it out ahead of time and maybe a little guidance will help you decide what to do. Most of all you need to talk to your partner about your feelings. Communication is important. Good Luck!

Answer 5

well the prob with listening to your heart is that sometimes the heart like to change its mind... sometimes the heart is a little bored... sometimes the heart need a good smack to remember why it loved that person in the first place.
Try to save the marriage first... do everything you possibly can.. get help.. get therapy.. if thats something that will work for you... go on dates... talk more... smile more.. listen more.. put urself in the others shoes..
If after you have done everything you possibly can and the marriage is just not working.. then move on.
That way.. you will know that your heart is ready to move on... along with your head too.

Answer 6

It's more than just your heart talking it's your soul and your gut feeling. You don't say why it would be idiotic for leaving so I suggest going with your gut feeling.
Just remember all relationships go through a dry period and it's what you do during those times that define character. It may not be a matter of what you and your partner are doing but what you are not doing.

Answer 7

I would try counseling first to see if you can work out problems in the relationship and find each other again. If that won't work or you just don't want to then just leave. It may not be as tough as you think. If you have everything together like bills and bank accounts start to separate them now so it won't be so tough later. Good Luck

Answer 8

You should follow your mind first and talk to your mate to find out if he feels he is in a rut, too. Then talk about what changes you two can make to make it better. If he's willing to talk about it and do what is necessary to make things better, then carry on from there and give that a chance. If it does not improve or if he isn't willing to join you in making changes, then follow your HEART. You will be happier in the long run.

Answer 9

Use your head to work out what will be the heart-consequences, as well as the head-consequences, of your possible courses of action.

If possible use your head to work out a way of satisfying your heart without being an idiot.

Answer 10

Do you have children? Go with your head. Is he abusive? Go with your heart.

Just read your second response. If youre not married, no kids and bored then what are you waiting for? LOL Its okay, I bet he isnt that thrilled with the relationship either and doesnt have the guts to do anything about it. Go for it, you owe him nothing.

Go have a happy, fun filled, exciting life!! Its the only one we get.

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