Am I just being trampled on by everyone? Do I need to move out or do I need to suck it up?

Question

I'm wondering if moving out will help me feel better. We've lived together for almost 3 years, and he still hasn't proposed. I clean up after him and his dogs constantly. He belittles me in subtle ways. We were planning on buying a house, but now he says we can't because he can't come up w/his $.

Not only has my dad recently died, but my mom hasn't paid my tuition off (1k) and classes were dropped 2 weeks before the end of the semester (all B's). She wrecked my car over 4 months ago and has not paid a dime. But, she has bought all new appliances for her home. When her new car is broken down I'm the person to give her a ride to and from work and I ask nothing in return for that.

It seems like as hard as I try at everything, I always fail. Do I need to be by myself, or am I just making excuses to get away from everything? Or do I need to suck it up?

Answer 1

You seriously need to stop feeling sorry for youself, and instead start standing up for yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 2

MOVE OUT; MOVE AWAY!!! HURRY!!! It seems that your boyfriend and your mother are using you as a doormat. First of all, you do not need to clean up after him and his filthy dogs. Let him do it! The reason why he belittles you is because you're allowing him to do so. You just lost your father, and I'm willing to bet that you have not had any time to mourn your father's passing. As far as your mother goes, I can't understand why she's so cold towards you. Either way it goes; neither, your mother nor your boyfriend have your BEST interest at heart. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't have something going on (depending on how your mother looks). Well, dear friend..I believe it's time that you became responsible for your own happiness. Stop! allowing these people to use you as a dumping ground; go someplace else where you can start all over again. On your last statement you said that "it seems like as hard as I try at everything, I always fail" the reason why you feel like such a failure, it's because you're not meeting these booty holes ( Mother, boyfriend) expectations. Leave them behind; long as you stay, they are not going to allow you to be a real human being. Free yourself! Fly butterfly! Fly!!! good luck! nini :-)

Answer 3

A valuable lesson I have learned is that you don't have to let people take the p*ss in order to be nice. Learn how to say no, you will be treated with more respect and your feeling will be taken into consideration more. This may help; If you were looking down at yourself from anothers point of view would you feel pity for the person you see? If the answer is yes, then make some changes, I promise the way you will be treated will improve. Tell it like it is to both your Mother and your rather selfish partner, be kind to yourself and everyone will benefit. Take care and all the best

Answer 4

I think you need to get out on your own. If you can't find a solution to having people use you and take unfair advantage of you in your current living situation, move out and move on. I am especially discouraged by the line about your mother buying all new appliances when she owes you money. This is a person who will not pay up: get over it and get out.

Answer 5

A healthy relationship is one of give and take.where every ones needs are considered important.sometimes people take advantage of others not because they are purposely meaning to do so but because that person isn't making their needs known. they just keep plodding along doing the good thing,sacrificing their time and needs.never complaining, so it becomes easy to depend upon that person.it becomes a bad habit on both sides, and sometimes the relationship becomes toxic,with one person taking the brunt of anothers irresponsibility and immature dependance.
It sounds to me ,like you,ve been sucking it up too much.love isnt taking care of people it,s caring for people.and first of all you must care for yourself enough to demand respect. Be honest about your needs. In the first instance i think you need to tell him what you expect from your relationship,what needs to change and where you want the relationship to go.then you need to make him responsible for himself. (cleaning up after himself and the dogs.the verbal abuse) if he wont change this behavior esp.the abuse. then you need to decide if you can live with it for the rest of whatever.OR you can get a new life .but just leaving without changing your people pleasing ways will just land you in the situation next time.It,s important to stand up for yourself,self respect begets respect from others.
Sorry to hear about your Dad.that must be hard for you.
Its also hard to deal with disrepect when it comes from family.If your mother had made a promise to pay your tuition you should ask if she still plans on doing that. if not and you do want to continue school then maybe you should check into student loans and working part time.
as far as the car goes she really should be held responsible for damages.esp.if you are unable to drive it.If she refuses to be held responsible then maybe it,s time to pull away.be unattainable when she wants you.
start taking care of your needs and dont suck it up when others take advantage of you.become more independant and dont allow people to make you responsible for what they are capable of doing themselves.
remember, some people are like empty stores,nothing to offer.if you went to a store and 2 times in a row it was empty youd go to another store,right ?well it,s the same with people .seek out friends that dont want to use you.join a womans empowerment group.go back to school.do something to build yourself up.
good luck.><>
http://healing.about.com/od/selfpower/Self_Empowerment.htm

Answer 6

Moving is a choice. But have you ever considered the word NO? Stop living for everyone else, and start living for you.
You'll be much more happy when you do.

Answer 7

u need to stand for urself and tell ppl about there fult with u and tell them what is botherring u ...u need to keep asking ur mom for ur money to fix ur car and u need to do the same with ur boyfriend u need to tell him that ur not his maid by the way he seems that he's using u ..i was in a simillar relationship i used to use mygirl friend and i didnt even love her i just use her coz she's just like u do everything i need to me ...so he might not even like u

Answer 8

Suck it up.....Your Mother is going through hell. Try getting on your own feet and wiping your own a**. If you are old enough to play house with your boyfriend, you are old enough to jet a job and stop expecting handouts. Grow up .

Answer 9

you need to be by yourself, and just take care of you