I'm wondering if moving out will help me feel better. We've lived together for almost 3 years, and he still hasn't proposed. I clean up after him and his dogs constantly. He belittles me in subtle ways. We were planning on buying a house, but now he says we can't because he can't come up w/his $.
Not only has my dad recently died, but my mom hasn't paid my tuition off (1k) and classes were dropped 2 weeks before the end of the semester (all B's). She wrecked my car over 4 months ago and has not paid a dime. But, she has bought all new appliances for her home. When her new car is broken down I'm the person to give her a ride to and from work and I ask nothing in return for that.
It seems like as hard as I try at everything, I always fail. Do I need to be by myself, or am I just making excuses to get away from everything? Or do I need to suck it up?
2007-04-11 01:12:02 · 12 answers · asked by LadyMango 1 in Social Science ➔ Other - Social Science
Sorry to hear about your DAD.No you dont need to suck it up.What you need to do is tell everyone to SUCKER YOU!!!Stop being a door mat and letting everyone wipe their dirty feet off on you.Stop thinking about the money everyone is costing you and think about the loss of self respect you are costing yourself. REMEMBER:YOU COME IN THIS WORLD ALONE AND YOU GO OUT ALONE!!TRY PLEASING YOURSELF FOR ONCE!!
2007-04-13 15:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by losesomewinmore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may need to cut all ties and start fresh! First of all, if marrying him is what you want and he isn't on the same page with you - that's something to think long and hard about as is the way he treats you (ask yourself why you want to vow to spend the rest of your life with someone that you must clean up after as well as the dogs and why you put up with his subtle belittling). Were the two of you putting money towards the house equally?
Secondly, your mom...why was she paying your tuition in the first place??? And why did you drop classes that close to the end...You could have finished and owed...the only thing they would have done is withheld your grades until you paid. But it does sound like there's some mom issues there as well. Sounds like she's taking just a wee bit advantage of you. And I'm guessing that you haven't had the backbone to stand up to her since it's been going on a while. You need to remedy that.
Sounds like maybe you should see a therapist or something to realize that you aren't being treating as you deserve to be, but rather the people closest to you are walking all over you and up to this point you have been allowing it.
2007-04-11 01:26:14 · answer #2 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I recommend reading a book called, Codependency No More, written by Melody Beatty. I think it will really help you to step back and see everything from a new perspective. It really helped me. Good Luck. Only you know if you have the strength, courage, and money to know if you can make it on your own. However, "where ever you go, there you are." You are likely to repeat the same patterns but with different people. Take a little time to consider who you are and why. Knowledge can only help you. Awareness will not change who you are, but it may help you be a little more objective when making decisions. You can find this book at most libraries and bookstores. There are others on the subject, but I think this one is the best one to read first.
2007-04-11 03:33:19 · answer #3 · answered by peaches 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your question I gather you are young, and have always relied on other people. I would say that it is in your best interest to leave your boyfriend. You will have to do things on your own, which will give you the confidence and self respect needed in life.
All the other people in your life (father, mother, boyfriend) will not take care of you as well as you can. It sounds selfish, but you should not let yourself get distracted by other people. You need to understand who you are, and what you want out of life. Until then you cannot have a successful realtionship; because you will spend your time pleasing someone else, while they neglect you.
Basicly, you need to be self sufficient, stable, and happy with who you are before you try to find happiness with another person.
2007-04-11 01:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by James Kolby Kiley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to do what you feel is right-for you.
I am not trying to tell you what to do, but what i would do is evaluate your relationship by writing down all the "pro's and con's" if the pro's outweigh the con's i would stick with it. ( and if there is nothing illegal going on- like as long as he is not beating you,etc.).
i asked a question similar on yahoo answers. my boyfriend and i have lived together for a year and i asked "how long is too long to wait?" some of the answers people gave me might help in your situation.
good luck. hope things get better for you soon.
-personally i think it sounds like you have a lot of stress. i think that i would worry about the problems you are having with everything else, car, mom etc.
check counseling if you have too many problems or need help sorting things out. a counselor can be a big help.
2007-04-11 01:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go somewhere where you can be by yourself to think what YOU want. In the end this experience will be one of those things were you will come out a more mature, strong individual. In regards to how you fail in everything, I feel you suffer from certain insecurities. I too did the same. I read this book that made me view things in a whole different level. The book title is called "Your Erroneous Zones" By Wayne Dyer. This comes from someone who laughed at people that read these types of books. Hope all is well in the end
2007-04-11 01:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by djnelsgirl2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear what you're going through and the passing of your dad.
I would have a talk with your boyfriend and your mom about how you feel and see what they are both thinking and what your options are for school and staying with your boyfriend.
It sounds like anyone who would belittle you doesn't deserve your time and attention.
Is it possible to move back home and take out student loans? I would also check all your options and see what's best.
Good luck.
2007-04-11 01:22:50 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to be yourself. if u werent unhappy u wouldnt be thinking about moving. Honey, u need to make a better life for yourself. your not his mother your not his slave, he can clean up after himself and his dogs. or tell them they can all go and your mother shouldnt be taking advantage of u, but she cant be expected to pay ur tuition. get a student loan and head back to school. im guessin ur bf dont have a job? or if he does and he wanted to buy a house with u hed find a way to get the money, i suggest u find a place of your own and start a new and happier life. GOOD LUCK!
2007-04-11 01:22:09 · answer #8 · answered by MiRaNdA rOsE 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move out and move on, and I hate to say it....but stay away from your Mom, too. The only way that your going to have change in your life is by clearing out this garbage so that new experiences can come in. It sounds as if theese two are users, and things won't change..unless you make the change. Good luck!
2007-04-11 05:20:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should move out if you can afford to. Simply because he doesn't take you serious. You have to look at your life as a business. And you don't want him F**%ing up your business. BIG Business. It seems that you have a lot of negative energy around you. And don't wait on your mother to take care of you take care of yourself. When you start opening up your eyes and loving yourself and respecting yourself, others will follow
2007-04-11 02:48:45 · answer #10 · answered by Ms.Curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋