Why is it important for someone who's gay to tell me about it?

Question

I'm straight, so I guess I don't "get it". Why should I care if you are gay and what impact is it in my life that you are? I'm a Dom and I just be "me". I figure that if someone wants to know about D/s, they can ask, and I'll tell em. But what's the big deal?

Answer 1

Uhm I think most gay people mention it because it can be awkward to always try to dodge questions about sexuality. Also so that they can be free to talk about certain things without having to worry about saying the wrong thing and pissing someone off.

I say for passing acquaintances it's fine not to tell them, but for people you consider friends you sort of have to, otherwise you're hiding a big part of your life from them.

So it's about hot hiding. Much like for you, if you disclose your Dom status, you can talk about it more, whereas if you don't then it can be awkward if it comes up in conversation.

Answer 2

Because it's hard to carry on a casual conversation with someone without it coming up. Unless you're just talking about work, you undoubtedly "come out" as straight whether you realize it or not- by mentioning a girlfriend, saying someone is attractive, discussing your weekend plans, or basically anything to do with your personal or dating life. Just like someone saying they're the same religion as you doesn't even register, but if they're something radically different it gets your attention. What you're basically asking is for people to lie or change the subject rather than reveal that they're gay, like they're ashamed of who they are.

Personally, I try to work in that I'm gay earlier than later; I've spent a lifetime correcting people who just assume I'm straight and make crass comments about some "chick's" rack, ask me when I'm getting married, or make a nasty comment or joke about gays.

Answer 3

I don't think it is important for someone to tell you, but if you are to have an honest relationship with someone, be it friendship or otherwise, the fact of someones homosexuality is a significant factor. As you say, you're straight, you don't live in a world where you and your partner would face scrutiny or worse, violence, simply for holding hands or being a bit affectionate. To a homosexual, such simple pleasures are fraught with danger and that is why "you don't get it". You can't understand, it's beyond your comprehension or experience. So the 'big deal' as you call it, is this: to tell someone you are gay, is to show a trust that, as a dom, you should understand. They are hoping that you will be open to understanding them and also by doing so, allow them to be who they are without the constant fear of wondering, will this person hurt me for who I am. Straights live in a world which promotes and encourages them to be open to the world, gays don't get that privilege. Hopefully now, you will understand.

Answer 4

Don't you talk about your private life and the things that have impact on you?
So why shouldn't gay people do the same?
Being gay is just who we are and it's actually because people always assume that someone is straight that we have to tell...
For instance : when you meet someone and during the conversation you ask if this person is married...do you ever ask whether they are married to a woman or a man?

Answer 5

Who knows really..I tell guys I am gay when they start to flirt and expect something more out of me..this way it is out there and if they begin to work at trying to get me then it's their fault because I came clean.."your not disappointed when you have no expectations"..for the guys who tell you..well who knows they might need to clear the air between you before you start off on the wrong foot..or maybe they just want you to know what their orientation is so you know where they stand and you know what jokes to tell what stories to relay or even experiences you can exchange..consider it a courteous way of saying..hey dude I'm cool with you so long as your cool with me..UNLESS they have hidden agendas or ulterior motives then who really knows why they feel a need to tell you?

Answer 6

its not important. most gay people wont out and out just tell you it for the sake of it.

just as most gay people expect heterosexuals to not tell us 24/7 how gay is wrong, how its a sin, how we are evil, how we are too lazy to choose not to be gay (lol, as if they know what its like themselves).

don't generalise, there are bad people on either side of the fence that believe themselves to be superior, the majority of humans ( regardless of gender, sexuality, race, religion) won't try and inflict their views upon you at every single turn.

Answer 7

Some people have the idea that what's good for them is likely to be good for you, too. I think it comes from their religious upbringing. Sometimes it is because they want to "hit on" you, but more often it is seeking approval.

Be patient with them. For many, they are just getting used to their lifestyle, still settling in to the way of life, and they don't realize they are being annoying. Smile and say something noncommittal, like "Whatever turns you on," and try to turn the conversation to more neutral ground. If you must, say "I really don't want to hear the details," and hope they get the hint. But unfortunately, some don't. You might try going into just as much detail about your own sexuality, and see whether that is equally offensive to them. Perhaps they will get the point.

Answer 8

probably because they are a minority and had to come out at some point which is hard in an unforgiving and judgemental world, and so because of being able to get past teh social norm and accept their identity, they feel proud and care for you to know that they are proud of who they allow themeselves to be. they care for you to know because they would like you to know them as who they are, a minortiy with enough strength and pride to be able to come out in the world and face the challanges of being a minority. they tell you that tehy are gay because they respect you and are proud to show you what makes them respect themselves. and they want your respect for it.

anyway, that could be one reason

Answer 9

its all part of the self victimization game played by many homosexuals, if they tell you , then you have to accept them, if you don't , they are being rejected by you because of their sexual preference and you are being a bigot and picking on them. It the victim game played over and over and over.

Answer 10

Thats one really likes & loves you.
May in turn you dont have same feelings but try not to hurt at least to that who likes you.
Be a good friends... thats it.