At my old job I wasn't out and it seemed to be tougher, because people at work would always invite me to go out after work and to bring my g/f, and I always had to come up with an excuse.
2007-04-11 00:47:15 · 17 answers · asked by craven 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Honestly, it would depend on two factors. One, is the town you live in a somewhat positive space for you as a gay man, and two, do you feel confident enough about yourself and your new surroundings that it feels right. The first point is merely to gauge the tolerance level, the second is more important. If you feel your new co-workers are more open and receptive to new ways of thinking, then the best way to approach it would be to ease it in to 'by the way' type conversation. No need for an announcement, just be honest, truthful and frank. If someone asks if you have a girlfriend, you say no. If they ask why, you tell them your gay. period. I find being myself is always the best policy. I am completely out at work (and I'm a military contractor), and nobody cares. I believe part of that is because I don't shy away but I also don't flaunt or presume. I just am who I am. People respect that, even if they don't agree. I don't know what else I can say but it has always worked for me. One final thing, I was once asked why I don't hide the truth or just 'keep quiet' and this is what I said: "I will never submit to peoples prejudices, I will not accept anything other than respect, I want nothing more and I will tolerate nothing less." This view is what keeps me grounded and 'out'.
Sorry for the long answer, but the question deserved a considered response. Cheers my friend and I hope this helps you.
2007-04-11 01:37:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm out at work. I don't go around with a sign on my chest or anything, but people know. Its like that in a small town and face it, after 20 years of living with the same man people have to know its more than just roomates. I think, I don't really care. Mostly I find that people in general don't really care as long as I get my work done.
2007-04-11 02:17:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I first started working, I alluded that I had a boyfriend..; that's to say, I never used "he" or "she" but always tried to talk about my girlfriend without using a gender.
People of course took it for granted that I had a boyfriend and it did become hard when I got invited to social things...
After a few years I just told one of them (the office gossip) and so they knew... I never got treated differently after that...
About four years ago I decided to apply for a different job in the same company and at my interview with my new boss, I just told her at the end of the conversation that I was married to a woman and that if she couldn't deal with that, that she shouldn't hire me... I never ever have been sorry I told her! I was hired, I am at my new job now, and everybody knows...
My wife learned from my mistakes and at the first question about her partner she told them about me... Nobody acted weird, they just accepted her for who she is...
And I can tell you, life is much easier this way!
2007-04-11 00:57:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would definitely be easier, though not without some risk. I know what you're going through, and it's a source of constant stress and may negatively affect your job performance. Your co-workers will perceive of you as stand-offish if you avoid casual conversation and keep turning them down. When I started my new job, I made a point of mentioning my partner on the first day of work.
2007-04-11 08:00:41 · answer #4 · answered by kena2mi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine not being out. I can't imagine deflecting the inviations to meet nice girls, or get drunk at titty bars.
But I admit-- I have it easier than most. I live in the Bay Area, and I am one of the "in charge" people people where I work. Also---- you never know. Someone may need to talk with oyu about their son/daughter, etc. I work in the GHETTO... and I am stopped WEEKLY by young men who need to discuss what is going on, or their familys.
Life is relativly short. Enjoy what you have.
2007-04-11 02:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie, i own an adult store, i get asked this question all the time.. see if there are any fobics there first, bring up the subject, or mention that you have a gay friend to see their reaction. people at work have no business knowing anything about your personal life but if it makes work life easier then tell them. good luck x
2007-04-11 00:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by butterflykisses.ie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that question of course. But also, people are smart. They might have even suspected that you were gay, and this was a subtle way of finding out, without coming out and asking you directly. If it isn't a problem with anyone, I think you should come out. But it is YOUR decision
2007-04-11 06:38:55 · answer #7 · answered by Tikhacoffee/MisterMoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough question. on one hand, yes, you should be out and proud and not compromise who you are just to please someone else's sense of "comfortable". on the other hand, i've had some very negative experiences. for instance, i ama scientist and i was once working in a lab with others, one of whom was a visiting scholar from india. he was very anti-gay. when he found out about me (through gossip), he started sabotaging all my experiments. also, he wouldn't speak to me, even on things that were work related. on the other hand, i got to be really close with a coworker in the same lab who was dealing with his son coming out . in other jobs, it's the same. some don't care, some will be drawn to you, some will treat you differently.
what you need to do is "feel out" your coworkers and see how they respond. if you think it would be cool, then go for it. it'll take stress off of you around the lunch table. but also be prepared for negative responses.
2007-04-11 02:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by Jnr528 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that most people are more open now, so if you think everyone (or almost everyone) would be ok with it...let them know. I wouldn't shove it in their face, but hint at it or talk with the people you are closer with and they will spread the word. You might even go out with them and your bf!
2007-04-11 00:52:44 · answer #9 · answered by nosycap9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
life 4 u will be so much easier if u will let ur co workers know who u really are.. just be yourself...
there will be those who will accept u and those who will not..
but what matters most is you were true to yourself that you hve had enough of all the hiding and ur just out to be someone who is u...
2007-04-11 03:17:58 · answer #10 · answered by denbum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋