I was 17 and dating a girl, she told me she was on birthcontrol and made up elaborate storys involving it, we had sex without a condom many times. i had no reason to doubt her. one day she teels me she is pregnant and it is my child, i thoght well you gotta do what you gotta do and decided to stick it out with her. I changed my life afer this getting a steady job changing arround my house considering dropping out of school. One day i am over her house and i asked her mother if she waso n the pill she calls her into the room asks her and she say "nope." I freaked out. Left and felt very betrayed and decieved. She addmitted everything to me and said if i want to walk away she wouldnt hold it against me, so i did. This was more then a year ago. Am i a badperson for doing this? am i justified in my reaction? i never got a paternity test.
2007-04-10 15:56:24 · 31 answers · asked by porkl 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sounds to me like you were freaked out about being a dad so you used her manipulation as an excuse to do the cowardly thing and run. If it's still bothering you, you have proven you have some sort of conscience. Do the right thing, go get a paternity test and if the kids yours, do what you can to be there for the child.
as far as you and her go...i'd let sleeping dogs lie. (literally)
oh and about the birth control thing, the pill does not protect you dude, obviously. Never take someones word for it when it comes to protecting yourself from potentially deadly disease. remember, NO GLOVE NO LOVE.
2007-04-10 15:59:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Regardless if she was on birth control, you werent using any. No matter how it happened, it did and that child could very well be yours. You're not a deadbeat dad youre a self centered kid. Sex always comes with responsibilities and they are way bigger than anyone wants to admit.... She is no more wrong then you were. You think she lied, and maybe she did but you booked. Both of you were obviously too young to be involved sexually.
Get a paternity test (GET A PATERNITY TEST, it does matter legally and emotionally and every other which way when you are in this situation) and if that child is yours, be a dad, or make a conscious and legal choice not to claim custody, however you are still financially responsible to help support your child. If you chose not to, then yes, you will have turned into a deadbeat dad. Search your heart, search your soul, and find someone responsible to talk to and help guide you. Good luck.
2007-04-10 23:03:35 · answer #2 · answered by Go fish 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
**** mate, trust me when I say I know how you feel. It happen to me too, I found out later. She had girl problems and had a operation, she was told she might not ever be able to have kids...... Well, guess who the test subject was?
But it is like what others have said in this question, birth control is boths responsibility.... even though you have been lied to.
Mate, I stayed afterwards and still here, 14 years on . I love all my family, but it does raise it's head in the back of your mind every now and then.... how can I ever trust her again.
But in saying that, I think we have rebuilt the trust thing. and over the last 10 years I have learnt to forget and live in the present..... you have to get on with life. If you loved her before this, try your hardest to work it out.... the sooner you clear your head of the anger of being deceived the better..... I'll be honest, I was a very bitter man for a few years. The main reason was, we never spoke about it to sort it out. Too me, it was not the fact I was now a dad, it was she deceived me..... you have to sort out that trust.
You are not a dead beat mate, I know how you feel.
I wish you all the best mate, hope you can work it out with her. Just remember one thing, That little baby is innocent, the baby deserves the best life it can. Be part of your babies life, because when the anger does die down and you are older...... you will realise, that kid is the most wonderful thing in your life. They are truely amazing, don't miss out on it.
2007-04-11 00:38:11 · answer #3 · answered by Sea Eagle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, this a hard call. People put a lot of blame on the man and it can be a two way street. What I would do, if, you feel the child is yours and years down the road you can be sure. Try to set up a Trust Fund (Talk with your bank or an Investment Company) for the child. Put what you can each month into the fund. This way, if the mother not ask for child support you can show your child one day you did care. I would have the Trust Fund so the child can not access the money until 30 or over, this allow it to build and they more mature to use the money wisely.
Then you can feel you are doing your part as the Father. This the best I know to do.
2007-04-10 23:11:09 · answer #4 · answered by Snaglefritz 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are immature, not a bad person. If you were a bad person you wouldn't be thinking twice about your decision. Yes it was really wrong of her to trap you but what did you do to protect yourself? The pill is not 100% effective! I know many people who have been on the pill and ended up pregnant. You didnt use a condom so you are 50% to blame as well! takes two to tango kid. Do the right thing. Dont hold your child responsible for what the mother did. Time to grow up and be a man. Just because you dont like how she got pregnant doesnt mean you have an option to walk away. I also suggest getting a DNA test if it will ease your mind. What if she would have said.... "hey, I thought I wouldn't get pregnant and you told me I wouldnt and you didnt use protection either, so you know what.... I am outta here... here's your kid... see ya"?
2007-04-10 23:02:51 · answer #5 · answered by Me 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Both of you have acted immaturely. I absolutely despise women who "oops" their boyfriend or husband for their own selfish desires to be a mother. But at the same time, if you absolutely did not want to be a father, you should have used a condom. Nothing is 100% effective, and you should have made an effort to take away as much of the chance as possible.
No matter how despicable her actions were, you created a life with this girl. The child did not ask to be born to two incredibly stupid people, but here it is anyway. Step up, be a bigger person than your ex, and be a father.
And please, consider this a lesson learned.
2007-04-10 23:08:12 · answer #6 · answered by Morning Glory 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
#1 get a paternity test. If she lied and is so deceptive about birthcontrol, she may have lied about who she was with besides you.
#2 If the child is yours, you need to pay chilld support and be involved in this kids life (it is not his or her fault you were careless)
#3 Regardless of her being on birthcontrol, it is YOUR resposibility to protect YOURSELF as well... not to mention the "pill" is not fool proof nor does it protect you or her from STDs... Something at 17 you SHOULD have known in this day and time.
#4 You are justified in leaving the relationship, she was deceptive and you apparently do not love her and therefore do not belong with her... but that has no bearing on your resposibilities as the father of this unfortunate child.
#5 let this be a HUGE lesson to you in the future!
2007-04-10 23:05:09 · answer #7 · answered by Shay 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well, hmmmm although she lied to you...etc. You should not have walked out on your responsibility and possible child. Just cause she gave you an out...didn't mean you had to take it.
I do think you should be involved in your childs life. Period, the end.
As far as a paternity test you should absolutely get one and you have the right to know if you are the childs father.
good luck to you.
Oh and if this is your child you are missing out on the best years of your childs life...you cannot bring those beautiful memories back...EVER. Those Wonderful Milestones that you will one day regret missing.
2007-04-10 23:01:54 · answer #8 · answered by krYpToNitEsMoM 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Being a dad at 17 isn't easy. She lied to you, and took advantage of you, so your reaction is understandable. Yet, you're mad at the mom, and can't let this feeling come betweem you and your child. You can punish your kid because it's mom is a liar.
It's not too late to change. If indeed you have a child, you can still go back and help raise him/her. Your child is still an infant and the mother needs all the help she can get.
2007-04-10 23:01:42 · answer #9 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Theres no reason to be a dead beat dad. Youre not a bad person for leaving her, is it justified...? arguments could come and go...what you can not do is miss the beauty of raising your child, and be part of his/her life. If you feel more comfortable do a paternity test, but let your heart guide you
2007-04-10 23:03:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋