Im Married and hubby wanted to try watching me having sex with another guy. he has brought up numerous times.?

Question

Last weekend opportunity arose and it happened. I feel sick in my heart now that its over. My hubby enjoyed it. Dont get me wrong I dont do this kind of thing. Im not the kind of wife who lets her man tell her what to do. This was his fantasy and I felt I should do it for him. Was I wrong to do this?

He didnt pressure me. We had someone over for drinks and he was interested in me. I admit I was interested too so we asked all around if it was ok. It was so we did. But later when man was gone I started feeling bad and hubby said that it was ok we wouldnt do it again. But I feel like I cheated when I didnt.

Answer 1

Fantasies should remain in the fantasy world..

Bringing another person into the marrital bed should not be done to content one spouse but as an agreed upon thing with both spouses..

Within your wording I get the sense that you regret it.. "This is his fantasy and I felt I should do it for him." ... You are right it was his fantasy not yours and it should have remained his fantasy.. Something the two of you talked about hypothetically in bed, something he fantasized about..

By bringing it into the real world you have, done this kind of thing... and made yourself that kind of wife..

While I can understand your husband enjoying it (it was his fantasy) you admit to being sick at heart.. You need to talk to your husband very frankly and explain your feelings.. He needs to understand you regret doing it and do not wish to do it again..

This is what happens when a fantasy is brought to the real world without careful consideration... Leave fantasies in the fantasyworld until the have been completely disected, discussed, negotiated, and ramifications have been considered..

A fantasy fulfillment of this sort should not be entered into lightly, From your words I believe this time you and your husband did enter into it lightly and without the proper considerations..

While some damage has been done it is not irrepairable damage, you and your husband need to talk extensively and make sure you each share your exact feelings.. This situation has the potential of ballooning out of control if it is not addressed promptly and with each of you clearly understanding and respecting the others feelings...

Your feelings of heart sickness can easily turn to anger and resentment... His feelings of enjoyment can easily turn to jealousy..

Good Luck there is a lot of hard work ahead of you... It begins with not minimizing your feelings as you have in your post...

Answer 2

Well you were between a rock and a hard place so to speak. You were unsure, you had a choice to make. You made your choice and now you regret it. Then you must consider this a learning experience. We are human, and humans make mistakes every day. Some of this was out of your control. Effectively three people conspired to make a mistake here. It would be truly wrong if you gave yourself all of the blame for this. You and your husband should write each other a letter describing your feelings and what ,if any, action should be taken. Take a couple days. Decide on a day that you will read and discuss each other's letter. Destroy the letters. Each person should decide ahead of time what they are hoping the other person will say. You will know what to do from there. Good luck.

Answer 3

you were wrong to do this. that's why your heart sick about it.
your husband was wrong to even bring up the idea, and he was wrong for making you feel that you needed to fulfill his fantasy. and all three of you were wrong for going through with it. it is cheating. but your husband is just as guilty as you, and so is the other man involved.
what's done is done, and I'm sure you wish it had never happened, but we can't undo the things that are already done.
so you just start over, and make up your mind that nothing like this will ever happen again no matter what your husband says or does.
your husband showed total disrespect for you, and your marriage. you need to understand that you're worth more than his sick idea of a good time.
respect yourself, and if you decide to stay with him, you're going to have to make sure that he starts respecting you too.
you are his wife! not his robot! put your foot down and let him know that things are gonna be changing or you're getting out!
Best wishes.

Answer 4

You know, that was a GGG (good giving and game) thing to do. When it didn't work out, then your husband picked the perfect answer- he accepted that you were uncomfortable, and backed off.

I would say he owes you one. A big one.

You feel like you messed up, and that's what matters. Now just take the time to forgive yourself Real humans who live in the real world know there is lots of grey between black and white, and that compassionate people forgive. You've redressed the wrong, you have plans in place to never make this mistake again, now all you have to do is stop obssessing over it- whenever you think of it, force yourself to think of something else. Beating yourself up will do no good.

Answer 5

Once you cross that line, there's no going back. Things between you will never be the same. I say being you did decide to go through with it, come Monday morning you should have put a retainer on a good lawyer. Start lining up your little ducks to move on down the road. Nothing I have ever seen has come of this situation. I have known alot of couples that have done this and all are divorced now. Good Luck

Answer 6

For you to question it, I have to question what kind of man would ask his wife to do such a thing for his own perversion and expect her to remain respectful to him.
Ask yourself why you got married in the first place?
What is the purpose for marriage?
Did you think that he wanted an almost exclusive marriage and you were o.k. with that before you married him?
Personally, I think that so much is entered into the bedroom that people are boring themselves to the point of having to find more risky things to get their jollies off.
Is there anyone out there who just enjoys having regular relationships with one person they actually love.
I really feel for you to have felt the need to make such a sacrifice for such a person who does not consider your feelings.
I feel just as sick for you as you feel for yourself. Will he hold this over your head?
He was wrong to ask you to do such a thing that he knew you were against. Just as you did it out of love for him, why could he not have you do it out of love for you. Now, you have this gulity feeling that will probably bother you for the rest of your life.
Are you religious? How does this affect you with your relationship with your religion.
I think that no matter what advice you will get , you asked the question and are having some guilt feelings and the answers are all going to be from our personal beliefs and how we feel.
It is always better not to do anything that you are not able to undo if the consequences of the negative far outway that of the positive.
My advice would be to not let it beat you down too bad, but to recognize that you did it out of love for someone who does not feel the same for you and that you should learn from it and not do it again since it appears that you do feel bad about it.
Good luck in your marriage?

Answer 7

Women need to stand their ground and not let
their husbands dictate to them what fantasies they
want when it deals with being married. What you
did was not unethical and it's only an excuse to say
you felt that you should do it for him because that
is what he wanted. You lowered your self esteem
for him, and now you feel bad. The damage has
been done and done by you, however life goes on
and everyone get at least one chance to prove
themselves in marriage. Now is your chance to
prove to your husband that you will not fulfill any-
more of his fantasies that deals with things out-
side the marriage. Remember we are being
watched by the One above and although I am not
judging you as to what you did , but He is and He
will deal with you not me. So if I were you I would
think hard about not doing the right thing in marr-
iage.

Answer 8

If it went against your beliefs, and you were put in an uncomfortable situation - yes it was wrong. Wrong of him to ask you to do this. Would you ask him to go outside his comfort zone for your fantasy? Sleeping with someone else is beyond hey try this crazy position, lets buy some toys, or lets watch something erotic together. I have never heard of bringing in another person into a marriage ending well. Go with your gut, respect yourself.

Answer 9

I wouldn't say you were wrong for doing it. We all want our spouses to be happy, but if its made you feel bad then I would refrain from doing such things that I am not comfortable with. Next, time think about how YOU truly feel about the situation before you take the leap. Your husband will love you no matter what your decision is. And I am sure he will appreciate your honesty. Remember, if your not happy it will be hard for your hubby to be, and fantasies don't equal happiness its just something extra, not a necessity :).

Answer 10

You said you were attracted to him and he was of you and hubby said ok so you did it.
I think your feeling bad for hubby because this one nite man felt sooo much better during sex than you do with hubby.
Once you had better sex it's hard to go back to the routine sex like with hubby!
Its for you to figure out if you love hubby and he's in love with you back enought to stay with him or lay awake at nite wondering what it would be like to have a more passionate man in your life.