how do i tell my fiance "I don't really want to spend the rest of my life with you, anymore?"?

Question

marriage is coming up and I don't think this is the person I can spend the rest of my life with anymore. I know it's going to kill her......any advice from people who have had to call it off?

Answer 1

If you think it's hard now - it's going to be even harder after you're married. Sorry, but there's no "easy" way out; it's going to cause a lot of hurt (to both of you), but this is an instance when you need to be honest. "Little white lies" won't do. Tell her. Please. Don't wait a day longer.

I never had to "call it off", but my ex-husband broke up with me out of the blue one day after us having been together for 5 years. While it was extremely hurtful at the time, I am glad he did it when he did it - I would hate to be finding our years later that I was not the one he wanted to be with. This is the kind of thing you have to let your mate know right away; they deserve to go and find someone they might be more compatible with.

Answer 2

I have not had to call it off but if I were your fiance, I'd want to hear this news as soon as possible - if you are absolutely sure about it.
Are you sure it's not just cold feet?
You don't have to put it the way you did in your question. That's a little bit more insulting than, say, 'I honestly don't think I can go through with the wedding - I'm just not ready to be married!' - any way you say it, it will be bad. Try not to make it personally directed at her as a wrong choice of a wife. In fact, you may not be the marrying kind. Yet.

Answer 3

I had a friend who went through this very thing. She was ready to get married, all the plans were in place, invitations were sent out, the day was fast approaching and...she realized one morning that he just wasn't the right man for her. After alot of pain and anguish on her part, she finally decided to make him a nice dinner and simply lay it all out on the table. She just explained to him that her feelings had changed and she didn't want to hurt him more by going through with a marriage that wasn't right. He took it fairly well, considering.

So, I would suggest you just pick a day and time and sit down with her and tell her that you love her very much, but your feelings have become more friendship based than passionate. You need to do it as quickly as possible, though, to spare her any more pain. Also, they make special cards to send out to guests if invitations have already been sent that explain the marriage is being called off...that way you don't have to call and talk to people personally. Good luck.

Answer 4

Congratulations, and much respect to you for being honest enough with yourself to not only know the right thing to do, but to have enough self respect to actually do it.

How to tell her? That's a tough one. I think a lot of that would depend upon what type of personality she has. Perhaps using reason: "because I know that we aren't meant for each other, I want you to have the opportunity to find your soul mate". Maybe appeal to emotion: "I can't stand how it would make you feel if we didn't deal with this now".

Are you absolutely certain that this can't work? Maybe postponing it will give you a little more time to contemplate things - perhaps having the pressure off of you for a little while would help. Also, it may give you the opportunity to "ease out of it", as opposed to slamming the door on her right away.

I don't know, dude, I've never had to do such a thing. I hope you're able to find peace.

Answer 5

You are an honest and courageous man.....even though it is going to be very difficult, if you won't want to spend the rest of your life with her, you will be doing right by both of you in telling her. It won't kill her....it will be very hurt, yes, but she will survive it........It is way better than the alternative of marrying someone you don't want to be with, having children, then divorcing.....you are honorable! Best wishes to you!

Answer 6

There's nothing wrong with this. I'm glad you realized this before you married her, so you won't have to go through a divorce, and put kids through a mess. Be honest. Honesty is the best policy. This will kill her, but it's how you feel, and you don't want to mess up your life, or hers. Good luck!

Answer 7

I never had ti call it off, but I think you should let her know how you feel. I think you should not get marry to a person if it's not true love. Let her find someone who do want to spend the rest of their life with her.

Answer 8

I am getting married in June and if my fiancee felt like this, I would want to know before that day. Yes, it will crush her. Just out of curiosity, why don't you want to spend the rest of your life with her?? What happened?

Answer 9

You tell her privately and gently. You take all the blame upon yourself and you let her get out here frustrations at that point. It's gonna hurt, her emotionally and probably hurt you physically but it's got to be done and sooner is better than later here. You don't want to say "I Do." if you're not going to be totally committed to her.

Answer 10

I think by telling her right away is the best thing--it's hard but then it's done. You will feel better and she will eventually heal as well. The more time you waste not telling her the more plans she makes and also more time the lie goes on.