Why wont my man propose?

Question

Hi, I have been with my man for almost 4 years now, and it is really getting me down that he hasn't asked me to marry him yet. We built a house together and have lived together for a year now. When we first moved in he said it was his plan to marry me within a year of moving in, but that year has now passed and still no proposal. He says he is committed to me and I should just enjoy what we have and relax, he says he wants to get married. I just want him to ask me, am I being unreasonable? Is three and a half years too soon to expect lifetime committment? He knows how much it means to me, and yet still he puts it off. It is getting to a point where I truely am hurting about it every day. Am i being silly? What can I do? Every day that he puts it off it makes me wonder if he just isnt sure I am the one he wants to marry. Why is this so important to me and not to him? It is not as if we are 18, we are both in our mid thirties. I dont want big expensive wedding, just lifetime committment.

Answer 1

Why would he? Hes got you at home when he wants to play house and if he ever got tired of it he coud just leave no strings attached no commitments. Your not being silly. I mean what is he waiting for? I think you need to sit him down and give him an ultimatum your not getting any younger!!!!!!!! Is a commitment 2 much to give to you whos loved him for this long! Good luck girl!

Answer 2

I would be mortified if someone said that to me! I'm so sorry to hear that! Rather than just saying he's a douchebag, what's worse is that he sounds manipulative! People are manipulative when they try to get you to do something with threats. Is this the kind of person that you want to propose to you anyway? You should have a conversation about what he means by all this. If he loved you before he should love you know. Is there a specific reason he feels compelled to tell you that you need to lose the weight? You need some answers! It is possible to forgive him and stay with him but you need to talk this through! But to answer your question: YES that was a terrible thing to say!

Answer 3

No you're not being silly. And no, 3-1/2 years is not too soon to expect a man to sh*t or get off the pot, especially if you're in your mid 30s.

Maybe it's more important to you than it is to him because if you want to have children with this man, you probably should do so soon?

Or maybe it's just that you feel like after this much time invested in this relationship, and the fact that you've already built a house together, live together, he claims to care about you and be committed to you, that you don't understand what's the big deal about getting married, because it's not going to be any different than it already is....and I agree with you...it isn't going to be much different than what you're doing.

Maybe your friends and family are starting to ask: "So...when are you two going to get married?" and since you don't have an answer for them, maybe they're starting to wonder if you're wasting your time or being taken advantage of, and maybe they're starting to drop hints to that effect?

Maybe you feel kind of silly having invested this much into a relationship that has not blossomed into a full-blown commitment given four years to do so...when other people around you getting married after one or two years.

Looking at the situation from this much of a distance, the reason appears to be that he is of the school of thought:
"Why fix it if it ain't broken."

Whereas you are now of the school of thought that is: "Finish what you start."

There's nothing wrong with either of you. You've just reached a point in your relationship that you're at crossed purposes.

Happens in every relationship

Answer 4

Maybe you are feeling ready to commit to a lifetime of marriage, but maybe he isn't. You need to take the spotlight off of yourself for a little while and focus on him. Maybe he's not comfortable in marrying quite yet. He will propose when he is ready. Enjoy the time you two spend together now. One day, when you're least expecting it, perhaps he'll "pop the question". For now, just take it easy and accept the proposal when it comes. For a couple to get married, both people must be completely ready. Perhaps he isn't yet. Respect him.

XOXO,
Laurie

Answer 5

I'm sorry I didn't read all of this but why in the hell would you build a home with someone who is not your spouse?????
Looks like he just wants to play house and not be the Man of the House.

If you are so sure he wants to marry you... why hasn't he??

I say

A.) He's not ready
B.) He's not ready
or
C.) He's just that into you.
I hate to rain on your parade. But have you even talked with him about a marriage recently. I man like out of the blue. if not, while sitting on the couch watching Deal or NO deal tonight Say, Hey Babe, you know if we won a million dollars we could have a spectacular wedding. See how he responds. I mean really look at his body language and listen to what he says. Then just start talking about marriage in general and see where he is on the issue.

Never pressure a man into marriage. IF you do it too soon that marriage may be doomed from the start. I'm not saying stay with this man 90 years but you get my point...don't you.

Answer 6

My thought is you are living together and he is quite happy with the way things are and doesn't want to change it. Why should he? He's getting every thing he wants with out the commitment. Perhaps it's time to move out and sell the house and not move back in with him until he wants to make that commitment. Otherwise, I don't see him doing something he really doesn't have a reason to do. And, if you two don't get married after moving into separate residences, then at least you won't have to untangle each other's things from each other to part ways.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Yes you are being unreasonable. Why can't you wait until he is ready to ask? Do you really want him to ask you even if he isn't ready?

A marriage isn't a life time commitment, not with the divorce rate at 50%. He is fully committed to you, why would a piece of paper make any difference? You keep using the term "lifetime commitment" over and over, it comes off kind of negative that way. Maybe you are giving off that vibe to him, a negative one. You seem more interested in locking him up, then enjoying what you have. Makes a person think...

Answer 8

I am going to answer this question with a question, then express my opinion. Why would he ask you to marry him, he already has a wife in you? You already preform like a wife to him and he probably is committed to you, he is afraid of screwing up a good thing with a piece of paper. Back in a day marriage was not for love, it was for connivance. It was done because each of the couple could help the other in some way, money, children and chores, public statute and breeding as such. It is not up to him to make you happy my dear, you can only make yourself happy. You can not make this man happy either, only he can make himself happy and obviously he is. Brush off your shoes, straighten up your back bone and be what your mother brought you up to be. Be what is best for you, not for anyone else. Quit waiting for something to happen that is not going to happen. You will be sorry if you force the issue and finally get what you think you want. He is not ready to commit, he is very comfortable. Good luck !

Answer 9

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RE:
Why wont my man propose?
Hi, I have been with my man for almost 4 years now, and it is really getting me down that he hasn't asked me to marry him yet. We built a house together and have lived together for a year now. When we first moved in he said it was his plan to marry me within a year of moving in, but that year...

Answer 10

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!! Seriously though, I was with my man for SEVEN YEARS before we got married. It took alot of convincing - he didn't see the "point" in getting married since we too had a house together and were living as a married couple. you are not being silly by any means.