I had my oldest daughter when I was eighteen. So I didn't get the chance to go to college. A husband and two more children I have started thinking about maybe taking some classes. But whenever I bring it up to my husband he starts taking about getting his masters degree online or at Cal Poly. This really makes me upset because I feel like he's not being supportive and just thinking about himself. He already had the bachelor life and went to college to obtain his degree. We are so financially blessed because of it. I'm his biggest supporter. So am I being unreasonable to ask that he return the support? He says he support me. But everytime I've brought up going back to school for me. He talks about getting is masters. Any Help/suggestions?
2007-04-10 10:00:17 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course he should support your growth. There's nothing wrong with asking him to do that much, seeing as he already got his turn. I have a feeling that your husband is somewhat intimidated by your decision to further yourself. Still, this is not a reason to hold yourself back.
With that said, go on and start going back to college and get your degree. Don't let anything or anyone stand in your way. If your husband gets uncomfortable with it, explain to him that all you're doing is making a better person out of yourself.
2007-04-10 10:14:16 · answer #1 · answered by Maricel S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. you are not being unreasonable, he is, if you aren't feeling his support.
And why should he getting his Masters online, stop you from getting your Bachelors.
You could make this a better bonding experience, both of you studying. you could set aside time each night, to study together. You can brain storm, he could act as a tutor, when you get stuck on some problem.
Studying is always better, when you have at least two heads doing it.
He said he will support you, so take him at his word, and just go for it, sign up and just do it.
I'm sure once both of of you are going after your goals, it could bring you both closer together. You will now have much more in common, and will be able to discuss many matters of interest to you both.
2007-04-10 17:08:30 · answer #2 · answered by johnb693 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Research what it would take for you to take classes. Then have a practical plan ready to put in front of him. Have estimates of how much time it will take you to achieve this or that goal, and how much it would cost - as well as think of the potential benefits and ways to apply your new skills. Tell him you would like to start classes (__ fill in the blank - next September, next January, whatever___). This way, it will take it out of the realm of theorizing, and put it in more of a practical light. He will have to either explain to you why he thinks it is not a good idea - or else support you in your undertaking. I don't know the exact circumstances of your life, so I don't know why he feels it is more important for him to get his masters than for you to go to school. Perhaps it is a better investment for him to continue with his education. Or, he feels that you are more needed in the family as a mother than as a student. Right now, it is not about just you or just him - it is about you as a family, and about your kids. Yes, taking classes is all fine and dandy, but if you don't have a real plan in place, or if your efforts are not going to result in a substantial gain, perhaps your focus should be elsewhere.
2007-04-10 17:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are being unreasonable for wanting your husband to support you. As your husband, that is what he should be doing. You have supported him so it is not unreasonable for you to want the same in return. Sure, it would be great for him to further his education, but what would it hurt him for you to go back to school? If you are financially able, I absolutely think you should do it. My mom is going back to school right now (I will start college myself in the fall) and I think it is so great. I really wish you the best of luck with everything. I hope this new dream comes true for you!
2007-04-10 17:05:11 · answer #4 · answered by Green-eyed Nikki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you keep bringing up going back to school and he is trying to relate with the Masters degree idea. You need to talk about him supporting you with school not just the topic of you going back to school. He probably doesnt even realize you feel the way you do. Clear Communication is key. Good Luck
2007-04-10 17:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by Mikal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down, face to face and express your feelings. No yelling, no fighting, and use the phrase "I feel ____" or "When you ____, it makes me feel _____". It sounds awfully cheesy but when you try it, you'll see that it clarifies what you're trying to say and gets right to the point. Similar to your husband, I have a Bachelor's and would like to go back to school for further degrees. He likely feels that by getting more degrees, he will then be able to make more money and support your family better. He probably feels like him going back would be best for the family. On the other hand, I commend you for wanting to go back to school and I can totally understand your desire to stretch yourself further and accomplish the next endeavor. I am sure your husband wants you to be happy, but he just isn't hearing what you're saying. Sometimes the craziness of life just clouds the message. Definitely talk to him - no kids, no TV, just good communication. Good luck!
2007-04-10 17:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by joanna2982 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just flat out tell him you are ready to go to college and if he says something about getting his masters, tell him that is fine, but ask if he could wait and let you get a degree of your own first. I would hope he is just supportive of you as you are of him, and if he is, then he should understand why you want to and back you 100%. Good Luck!!
2007-04-10 17:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong.
You go girl.
Let him get his master's online and you still go to school.
There is nothing better than having your children see and understand the value of education. There will be work and a significant sacrifice of time which only will impress them with how very valuable it is.
Don't let him dissuade you. You are young and your kids will be gone before you know it. Get that paper and do something later.
Good for you.
2007-04-10 17:24:34 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't even know what that other comment is above...
Anyway - just get the process going. Do it. You will feel better about yourself in the process too. As far as why he brings it up, ask him. When I'm talking with people and they bring up life goals, it makes me think about my life goals too. So perhaps that's all it is.
Start taking classes. You'll find out quickly if you even want to do it or not!
2007-04-10 17:06:39 · answer #9 · answered by A B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are right and he should support you.
so how do u end the convesration? when he starts talking about him self getting masters you should continue the subject by telling him u wanna go back to scholl and get the result,can't he start this masters that he wants and also u going to some classes at the same time?
2007-04-10 17:11:08 · answer #10 · answered by tmoinian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋