My wife recently started treatment for bipolar, which for the last 9 days seems good. In her last manic cycle, we made plans to split, which she was OK with (she wanted find herself). Then for 2 months I planned my new life. The last few years, we've had lots of fights, and challenging of each others ability to acurately judge things; even simple, stupid things. We share some, but few common interests, and have very different temperments. She was raised by her mother, who is BP 2. She is typically high-energy, which wears me out, and highly chatty. She also has sayings, habits and social views that set my nerves on edge, and a habit of seeing the negative side of things.
Now with treatment, she's trying to save our marriage, by being "too understanding". I don't know how much of her past behaviour was due BP or just personality. I know she'll revert to being the same person, only not BP. I have been verbally & emotionally beat down and belittled for the last 4 years. We have no kids.
2007-04-10 09:54:20 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, she has realized she has had this since 5 years before we met; 11 years ago. I am in my mid 40s. I am trying to sort out the disease from who she really is; but her opinions of things I doubt will change; just the intensity in which she feels them. I have worked hard on this marriage for 7 years; so for those of you who say I'm a coward, try on my shoes!
2007-04-10 13:37:15 · update #1
I think It would be the best for you to split. You deserve someone better, but if it is due to her bipolar disorder, maybe things will be different. I think you should give it some time, but you should also do what you think feels right. Good Luck:)
2007-04-10 09:59:44 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't trust or love your wife anymore and you don't know what to do? Those are the two most important things a marriage is based on...I guess it is time to open up your eyes and get that divorce you evidently want / need. If you don't have trust and love why bother with the marriage?
2007-04-10 10:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you need any advice here. You know what you need to do. You cannot remain in that relationship and expect to be emotionally healthy. Bipolar disorder is very difficult to cope with. When they are on a high - there's no stopping them. when they are low - it seems as is they will never be happy. Once they are on meds and regulated for a while - some tend to stop their treatment - thinking they are better and have it under control.
You sound emotionally exhausted. Get out now and save what sanity you have left. You can remain her friend and be supportive but get out !
2007-04-10 10:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You give your own answer:
I don't trust my wife anymore and I don't love her.
You have moved on. It is unfortunate but the marriage appears to be over. It would have been nice if she had worked on her illness before now...but unless you can change how you feel, it sounds unlikely.
I believe you can love again. But I don't think that trust can be regained if it is truly lost.
2007-04-10 10:00:17 · answer #4 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think it depends on how you really feel about her as a person. Being BP unfortunately can change someone's personality.....I would say that if her highs and lows are that bad and if you truly aren't in love with her anymore, it's time to split. There's no sense in continuing something that isn't right for you anymore.
2007-04-10 10:00:02 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a question of energy. It sounds from your post that you just don't have the energy to try and make the marriage work. If you don't it is time to go. If you think you have it then try falling in love again and then nurture it. They say True Love is falling in love over and over again with the same person. But sometimes you just run out of energy and then it results in a divorce. Good luck on whatever you decide.
2007-04-10 10:11:38 · answer #6 · answered by tprx899 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an aunt who is bipolar as well,so i definitely feel for you,but you have to do what's best for you and your sanity.There's no reason to stay in a relationship when you're unhappy.You have to think about yourself and being with someone that you don't want to be with is definitely out of the question.I suggest you talk to her and tell her that you're unhappy and you think that it'll be best that the two of you separate.If you feel for her mental and physical health you can always choose to maintain a friendship with her.
2007-04-10 10:13:43 · answer #7 · answered by DA_ONE_AND_ONLY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, your wife doesnt understand that treating a person a certain way over a long period of time will make the other person retreat, either emotionally or physically. Youve lost your fight, but it was a valient fight......youve stayed with her for 7 years trying to work it out. It has taken 7 years for you to fall out of love with your wife, so its not going to be easy to get it back. I personally believe, once you really fall out of love with someione its near impossible to get it back.
I guess you can continue with the fight to see if the love can come back, or you can cut your losses and try to find happiness again. You dont have any kids, so it will make separation a lot easier.
You can stay, and maybe in 10 years, you can ask the same question, then you can stay for another 10 years....until you find yourself too old to make the break. If you really dont think the marriage is going to survive then I really wouldnt be wasting too much more time. Staying in a relationship out of responsibility and/or guilt is not fair to anyone.....especialy to you. We need to love and be loved and if that is not happening in your marriage and you cant get it back, then you are wasting valuable time. Dont do what my friend did, he stayed out of responsibility and now he absolutely hates his wife. It started with love......that lasted until the 3rd child was born. Then it turned into duty. Once the children were grown he realised he had lost his soul to a manipulative, nasty woman. So, now the duty has turned into hatred. He is 55 now and he thinks he is too old now to "start again". He will die a very unhappy man and I am sure, on his death bed he will be wondering what his life has been for.......because right now all he is, is a meal ticket and a puppet. He has never danced to his own tune.....he has never lived. Dont end up like this guy.
2007-04-10 10:12:29 · answer #8 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you two tried counseling together? Is the marriage so far gone that you are not willing to try this. Marriage vows are a big thing and I don't take them very lightly and would do anything to save my marriage. Also take in the fact that your wife has an illness and at least she is trying to get help. Good Luck to you no matter which way you choose to go.
2007-04-10 10:06:45 · answer #9 · answered by Daisy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think you deserve a break. You should find yourself. You've been through a lot. Time for a change. I'd wash my hands of everything and start over. I think that would be best for her too. Sometimes you just can't forget the past.
2007-04-10 10:07:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think so. Especially when she is Bp and no love to give anymore. I would do the same too. Lucky you have no kids. Think of yourself for a change and what lies ahead for you. Don't let her make you feel sorry for her or bad for her; she is a grown adult and so are you. Take charge of yourself and your life and make a decision on what will make you happy and satisfied.
2007-04-10 11:56:02 · answer #11 · answered by J L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋