After having my twins (isabella and arianna), my boyfriend and I decided to get married. But after divorcing with my previous husband (becuase of drunkness), Rosalina doesn't want me to marry anybody. Desirey really likes him and wants me to marry him. Rosalina hit my boyfriend once whlie shouting "YOUR NOT MY DADDY! YOU WON'T BE MY DADDY!" That was a year ago, but she still isn't over it. With Isabella and Arianna, I'm afraid of what Rosalina will do. I know I'm going to marry him, but what should I do to help Rosalina understand that her first dad had to go and that this one is hers? Please give me suggestions. I already tried telling her, but she just refused to get over it. It's actually serious cause she's had that behavior for a year. I don't know how to make her happy. HELP! (if you see her asking questions on here, she likes to go on my name!)
2007-04-10 09:34:15 · 7 answers · asked by Holly S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I may not be of any possible help here but for what it's worth here's my suggestion to try.
When dealing with a possessive dog, who doesn't want to share his/her owner with another human, it is suggested that all the care for that dog be put in the hands of the new partner.
I know she's not an animal, not a dog but shouldn't the principal be the same? Your daughter is used to it being the 3 of you and doesn't want the change. I do not think it's your new man that she objects to so much as the change in your lives that he means.
I know it hurts to be told "You're not my daddy and you never will be," but what he can tell her and you need to back him up is, "No, I'm not your daddy but I love you and I'm here. I will always be here for you." If he can say this and mean it, things will turn around eventually. She's afraid of being hurt again by another man. He must rebuild her trust in men. Sylvia
2007-04-10 13:26:09 · answer #1 · answered by ladyofyorkies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If Rosalina has been behaving like this for a year, she has deep psychological issues I believe. You would think in 12 months she could come to terms with the fact that you are in love with this man and are going to marry him. She needs to go and see a good child psychologist because if you dont get it addressed now, the way her brain is processing things will not get better. Children are very complex little creatures. They are usually pretty accepting after time, but Rosalina is not accepting anything, that is why I am thinking there are more problems going on in her little head than her just being against you getting married. I wouldnt waste much more time because the more time you leave it the more her brain is getting used to the way she is thinking. After 12 months, I think its time you did get her some help. I certainly wouldnt be following any one's advice on here because, like I said, 12 months is a long time for a child to stay bitter.....and because she is a child, it makes it even more imperative you get a professional involved because children do not have the ability to communicate what is really wrong with them A child psychologist is trained to get inside the mind of a child, we arent. I am a qualified counsellor and I wouldnt even begin to give you advice because this is quite serious and could have disastrous effects on Rosalina in the future. It needs to be handled by a professional child psychologist. Im sorry I couldnt be any more help.
Good luck
2007-04-10 09:53:19 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, NEVER let your children choose your spouse.
Second, if this person is a great stepfather for your children, then by all means you should marry him. If he has problems, don't drag your children into it.
Third, find out why your daughter doesn't like him and try to work through that. However, remember that they're just her feelings and opinions and there isn't much you can do if her mind is made up. Let her know that her "real" dad will always be her daddy and will always love her, but now she has ANOTHER daddy to bless her life as well! (That way, she won't feel like her real dad is being replaced)
2007-04-10 09:41:04 · answer #3 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't her dad, you would be wrong to try to make her believe that.
This guy needs to leave you fast, you are desperate to find a daddy for your kids not understanding that is a bad thing. You also don't seem to understand that a parents job isn't to make a child happy, that is a bad parent. You can't make her happy, all you can do is raise her to be a good person. Forcing her to pretend that some is her dad isn't the way to go.
You are way to much drama, he can do much better than you.
2007-04-10 09:43:07 · answer #4 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't try and replace her dad. you can't do that to her! tell her that she's a very lucky girl and has 2 daddy's that love her but make sure to let her have a special place for her real dad. you might even want to try counseling for her! but i bet if you give her time she'll adjust to the new surroundings. there's been a lot going on in her life and she needs time to adjust (it may take over a year. there's a new guy, 2 new babies, that's a huge adjustment!). maybe your new guy could try taking her out for a few activities that's just their time to spend together (like a movie, or he could take her to the park) and that may help her adjust to him as well
2007-04-10 09:39:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your other question, Pony Problems, you were 8 years old!
2007-04-10 15:31:39 · answer #6 · answered by Dressage Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old is she? try taking her to counseling services she maybe needs more time, just dont forget about her give her attention alot of it .
2007-04-10 09:39:32 · answer #7 · answered by anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋