Is wanting something ever not suffering?

Question

Please read this carefully and think before you answer.

Wanting something we do not have creates a lack of contentment, which is suffering. It creates distance from how we are at the moment of wanting and the thing we want; that which would bring us contentment and cease the wanting. If you make peace with that fact that you cannot have what you want, then you have peace instead of craving. Is there any situation in which wanting something is not causing suffering or discontentment in yourself and others? Think CAREFULLY before you answer please. :)

Suffering = Lack of contentment in any given moment. If you are not content with something you are suffering. You are in distress; not happy.

Dictionary.com says:

suf·fer (sŭf'ər) Pronunciation Key
v. suf·fered, suf·fer·ing, suf·fers

v. intr.

1. To feel pain or distress; sustain loss, injury, harm, or punishment.
2. To tolerate or endure evil, injury, pain, or death. See Synonyms at bear1.
3. To appear at a disadvantage: "He suffers by comparison with his greater contemporary" (Albert C. Baugh).


v. tr.

1. To undergo or sustain (something painful, injurious, or unpleasant): "Ordinary men have always had to suffer the history their leaders were making" (Herbert J. Muller).
2. To experience; undergo: suffer a change in staff.
3. To endure or bear; stand: would not suffer fools.
4. To permit; allow: "They were not suffered to aspire to so exalted a position as that of streetcar conductor" (Edmund S. Morgan).

Answer 1

There is not just a situtation but a condition where this can happen. Whenever you desire something that involves wanting to be better than someone else, gain more material wealth, or anything that involves you wanting to change yourself for your own benefit creates a lack of contentment leading to suffering.

If, however, you decide to eliminate all personal, selfish desires and instead become content and to have inner peace with the world then you cannot suffer because there is nothing that creates a lack of contentment. This then, is not a situation but a state of mind known as nirvana.

Any selfish desire that involves making ourselves better than others creates a lack of contentment if we become singlemindedly obsessed. Even when we get what we want, we will only feel temporary pleasure until we want something else we cannot get which will make us miserable again

Thus, acceptance is the key to avoid a lack of contentment. If we accept (not neccessarily eliminating the want) the fact that we will not get everything we want, then we will be happier.

To acheive this acceptance, we have to learn to want the right things through suffering, or enduring physical or mental hardship. Once we realize through suffering that what we want is not what we really want, we find what we are truly looking for, thereby eliminating a lack of contentment and achieving something of a nirvana

Answer 2

The act of wanting is not suffering in and of itself. Letting want consume you causes suffering. There is a stark difference. I want a new car, a new laptop, a new house, etc., but I am content with what I have because my needs are met, therefore, I do not suffer.

Let us say that rather than focusing on the fact that my needs are currently met, I focus on the fact that I want a new/fancier car, laptop, house, etc. That want becomes all I can see, thus creating an imagined void in my life that causes me undue suffering and anguish. I lament that I do not have the bright shiny new car and the sleek stylish laptop with more memory than 3 of the computers I already own combined. I am morose that I do not live in a 2,000 sqft behemoth of a home with hardwood floors and marble counter tops. If I would just go back to focusing on the fact that my need for transportation is met, my need for a computer (which is hardly a need) is met, and my need for a roof over my head is met, I would be content again. Being content does not mean the wants are gone, it just means they don't control you and cause suffering and anguish.

Now, if you are wanting because a need is not being met, then there is no paradigm shift that will remove suffering. That need must be met for the suffering to cease.

Answer 3

I disagree with one of your earlier premises. But I can see where you went awry.

You say, "Wanting something we do not have creates a lack of contentment...". But is this really so? If it were, it would mean a person who is unaware of something better is always happier than someone who is aware but doesn't have it. It would also mean that someone who can imagine new possibilities is always less happy than someone with no imagination. Taken to the extreme, it would suggest that some of the happiest people in the world would be those with no awareness of their surroundings and no imagination at all.

This is not so. There are many happy inventors, and many happy travellers and scholars. Knowing that you have choices can create hope... thinking that you have none can create despair.

The key work in there (and the one missing from your premise) is -CAN-. People react to things differently. Some will see the newest wingding and instantaneously lose all appreciation for anything but that one. For them, wanting IS suffering. Other people can keep a more distant perspective and judge things on their various merits. They may desire things they do not have but still appreciate those things that they do have.

Some would say that the difference between the two is the difference between the foolish and the wise. Peace.

Answer 4

Okay, in the first place you need to define suffering. If you want the latest IPOD and you already have a perfectly good one, then if you can't be satisfied with the one you have that is not suffering--that is just being selfish and spoiled.

If you go to bed hungry night after night and yet wake up to no breakfast, that is suffering. If you watch your parents die of AID's and leave you all alone, that is suffering.

This generation has become selfish and self indulgent. You need to learn that THINGS can't fill the hole in your soul. You'll just want something else tomorrow. And the more you get, the worse you will become.

Answer 5

Lack of contentment is not forever though. It is temporary. Let's say I want a new car. Now I feel this lack of contentment. However, after I review my financial status, I come to the conclusion I cannot afford a new car. I believe the suffering will cease because of my situation. Suffering is not a permanant emotion. We can actually control it as well, so i disagree with your question.

Answer 6

OK, after having thought over this carefully, I think I have an answer for you.

First, let's agree to make a distinction between "need" and "desire." This may seem like splitting hairs, but it enables us to restate your questions more precisely in relation to what you are terming "lack" or "discontentment." Let's say that need implies a lack, and does not derive from an autonomous, separated being who could ever be "complete," whereas desire implies a surplus, and is a metaphysical urge from a separate, complete being towards that which differs from itself. Desire, then, is a desire for pure difference as such. For example, "escape" is a desire, "food" is a need.

Now, let's examine your question slowly. You asked whether there could be any situation in which "wanting something is not causing suffering or discontment in yourself and others." While the negative makes it a little difficult to discern what exactly you're wondering, it's clear that you're trying to find an example of a situation wherein acting upon one's desire does not result in suffering. The clearest answer I can give is: Yes, but this is never guaranteed. Existence is always already suffering; we never have enough of what we need--and either too much or not enough of what we desire that we either take it for granted or value it way too much. Consider briefly how out of touch with objective necessity the American consumerist utopia has become. All the things we are told we "need" are clearly not needs in the strict sense outlined above; they are desires, since the being who wishes from them already has everything they ACTUALLY need, right? This enables us to realize you are asking two questions, which we shall state and answer:

1) Are peace and craving our only options?

The easy answer is "maybe," because what we understand by "peace" and what we understand to be our "needs" changes over time. Craving is the destiny of all members of all societies; without our dreams, where would be? Suffering, quite certainly! I want to bring out that craving is not always the same as suffering-- consider the pleasant anxiety of waiting for your favorite band to start, for example. So the more troubling answer is "No," because we are never really at peace and never really craving-- we're oscillating in between, but only really recognize ourselves as ourselves when we're purely engaged with the world or completely dis-engaged (both of which, safe to say, occur rarely enough!)

2) Is there a conceivable situation wherein satisfying a need or acting upon a desire does NOT cause suffering or discontentment?

Yes, of course. Satisfaction doesn't equal suffering by default, certainly. But the important thing is that this is never guaranteed by any sort of calculation. We cannot determine in detail how our actions are going to affect others, and certainly not without discussing our actions with them. And if we DO discuss our desires with others, there's at least two possibilities. Either they will deny us our desire, since it would cause them suffering-- or they will help us actualize their desire, since it tends to make people happy to see others happy.

Ultimately, then, the question hinges critically on what we decide to mean by "human nature." If we say our nature is to desire what we cannot have anyway, then we of course are doomed to "suffering"--but if this is unavoidable, then we ought to resign ourselves to it, and if such a thing is possible, we ought to desire those actions, objects and situations which harm the least and help the most.

Answer 7

I carefully read your question and would be tempted to say wanting is suffering (buddha say so too, kinda).

personally, wanting is not suffering. it is foreseeing the contentment, realizing the value of wanting, internalizing why you want it. It is often discontentment, but even that I wouldn't fully agree. If I had a wife i deeply love and she has gone to visit her parents and i miss her and waiting to be with her, one i won't call it suffering, two i won't call it discontentment - it is just that i know i will be happier and i'll be more than content.

i know i messed up my own answer in the last few words, but hey, i guess you get my theory.

Answer 8

The Sufi spiritual concept of love is a yearning and wanting for fulfillment of love for a Beloved. The intense desire that this love creates is meant to align one with the other but not to have gratification in a physical sense. The longing and desire for love is not meant to be reached or satisfied but to be maintained. This practice is about enjoying the ecstacy of longing, not necessarily getting what you want or long for.

Answer 9

To me, this is a question of conscious versus subconscious thought.

If you distract your thoughts to another topic, you relieve your suffering (while still wanting). So, unconsciously, you may still want for something but have consciously distracted yourself to think of things other than your wanting (and hence temporarily discontinued your suffering).

Answer 10

Wanting is always suffering. Yes. Some suffering, such as anticipation, can feel pleasurable. Pleasure and pain are cousins of each other.