How do learn to love a stepchild that you don't like?

Question

12 year old boy very difficult. Will not listen. Very manipulative. Has his father wrapped around his finger. Help

Answer 1

This is tough if you already don't like him. Remember he is part of your husband and always will be. What I did was talk and do things with mine. He was a 2 years older, so it took some doing, not me liking him, but him to trust me enough to break that barrier. Once you do that you will see a big difference. He is scared of losing his father to you and not getting the attention he is use too, so he is that way. Let him see your not wanting to come between them, but to love both. Being a step parent is hard work. I would do small things with mine at first to show I did care. Before long we were friends and he didn't see me as a threat, that is when we starting bonding together. You don't have to love him just be there for him. Good Luck

Answer 2

You cant learn to love anyone no matter what age. If you look deeper into your feelings its more likely that you are jealous of your step-childs closeness to his father. The people that have replied no nothing i was a step child and my mother had step children and although at times she didint like us all even her own children she always loved us. I dont know of any adult who does not like a child. The boy probably thinks your only there for a short period of time as people have come and gone. I'm only guessing at my answer as you haven't really put enough about your situation. Most children have there parents wrapped around there finger its part of the process of growing up some more than others. Email me if the situation is different i'm happy to email you bk

Answer 3

You don't HAVE to love your stepchild, however I probably would never vocalize that to your husband or to anyone else (since it would be very hurtful to the child or your husband if they knew how you felt). I'm sure the kid has SOME good qualities that come out at least occasionally. If he's really a rotten kid, hopefully as he matures things will get better. You shouldn't feel like a bad person for not loving your stepson. Just treat him with respect and make him feel loved, but definitely put your foot down and make sure that he treats YOU with respect as well.

Answer 4

To everybody who's answering about adoption it really is not an identical as step parenting, maximum circumstances adoption ability the bio father and mom are not contained in the %, causing you drama and issues and make the stepchild play adversarial to you. Adoption ability the determine has given up any say so contained in the childs life. once you're a step determine the newborn has to advance on you and consider to advance on the newborn it takes time and far of persistence you have to be used to getting placed on the decrease back burner, being instructed by technique of the bio mom " I truly have the stretch marks i carried her for 9 months, i say then be a freaking mom to her do not assume the step to step into your shoes as mom position and then beat them down mentally. Adoption and step parenting thoroughly diverse yet i say definite in time then you definitely can love a step newborn as your own notwithstanding it takes alot extra artwork than human beings imagine.

Answer 5

Maybe talking to the father bout the boy...cuz as long as the boy has Daddy wrapped around his finger...ur kinda screwed...once he learns he cant get away with ****...hell start being more respectful to both of you and therefore become more likeable. But u dont want a lil boy to be the one in charge. Ur the parent (new or not). So i say talk to Daddy and hopefully he'll see the childs manipulative ways

Answer 6

How do you feel about his father as a parent? Sounds like you don't have much respect for him in that capacity.

I think that's the more important question here.

You & dad need to talk about this, come to an understanding. You need to understand why he parents like he does. He needs to understand your feelings about it. If you respect each other, you should be able to come to a point where you agree on what's best for the child and for your relationship as you interact together with the child.

If you love dad & respect him & the way he parents, loving the child shouldn't be too difficult, since you'll both be working together towards getting his behavior to a more respectful & acceptable place.

Answer 7

I've had my stepson here since he was 13. He is still a nightmare, so I am not going to tell you that it gets better. It might not.

If he is that difficult than you need to be honest with your husband right now about it. Perhaps living full-time with his mother is the best idea. If he already does and only visits, be thankful. It could be worse.

Again, talk with your husband. It's your home and you should be able to be comfortable and happy in it, even if the stepson is there.

Answer 8

Dont resent the child. Not his fault he is caught in this situation. If you love his father, then you have already accepted the fact that he has children, if that is something that you dont want to deal with then leave the situation before it gets anymore difficult. Hes a child, treat him with respect and in return he will respect you. Of course he doesnt listen you arent his mother, Good luck and if you need to talk about this situation send me an email, I have 3 step children of my own.

Answer 9

I have a 13yo stepdaughter and a 10yo stepson.....what I find is that I get very frustrated with them because the rules at their mother's house (or lack thereof) are not the same as ours, and our rules tend to get overlooked, either out of habit or more likely because they just don't wan to do it. I find myself being very critical of them because our daughter is accustomed to our rules and therefore seems like the perfect child to me (she is!). I make sure they know that in my house, I am the boss and my rules are what they are, like them or not. You may never learn to love your stepchild, but be firm and let him know you care so he will be less likely to shun you.

Answer 10

You may not be able to "learn to love" but there has to be mutual respect between you both. He has to know you are an authority figure in the household and there are house rules. When he breaks a house rule you may intervene when it is a parenting issue refer it to your husband. You husband needs to understand you are not taking responsibility from him and you expect YOUR household to run as YOU want it.

A friend of mine finace lives with him, she has a teen son the same way, so he made her pay rent for her son to stay there, if the son couldn't understand house rules, he made him a roomate with house rules, it has worked because he put pressure on his girlfriend to do her parenting job. Hard core, but effective.