My 4 month old never sleeps.... help!?

Question

My 4 month old refuses to go to sleep. When he gets tired he just screams until he finally exhausts himself to the point that he passes out. He won't even sleep in his car seat or anywhere without putting up a fight first and it seems to be getting worse all the time. I do the same routine every evening and keep trying to get him to sleep at the same time, but he just cries in his cot and then he cries when I pick him up and screams and screams. Does anyone have any advice for helping me teach him that sleeping isn't something to be scared of and getting him to go to sleep on his own without fighting it?

Answer 1

Maybe he's hungry? Have you started cereal yet? If it's not that, it could be that something is hurting him. Maybe he's constipated or has some other problem. This really is something you should ask his doc.

Answer 2

Oh I've been here before. I would say perseverance with the routine. Try giving him a bath, and then a bottle right before bed if you haven't already. I had to just let my baby cry herself to sleep, and the first couple of days it sucked because it took hours of her screaming and you feel like a terrible parent. But this is what my doctor recommended and it did work.
Is he taking naps during the day? It sounds like maybe he needs to get naps during the day too if he isn't. My daughter wasn't sleeping during the day and she slept less and less at night to where she was waking up every 45 minutes.

If this is an on going thing, you might need to make an appt. with your doctor or at least call and talk to a triage nurse for some advice.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

When my daughter was about 4 months old, she did the same thing. She would cry for hours. There was nothing wrong with her, but she would just cry and scream at night. It is "baby stress". I know, what does a baby have to stress over? Well, think about it. The baby has to learn who you are, your routine, take in its environment, colors, lights, smells, sounds, things we take for granted. It is all new to a baby and they have to adjust. It can be very stressful and they react the only way they can; by crying over it all. IT will pass. Be strong.

Answer 4

Have you tried a pacifier? Sucking is soothing. Some parents are opposed to pacifier use, but if your baby needs to suck, he needs to suck. My daughter won't sleep without one. She is 14 mos now and if I try to put her down without one...Lord have mercy! But with one, I can sit her in her crib, say goodnight and walk out of the room.

It doesn't sound like you're talking about sleeping on his own, just sleeping, period...right?
Sleeping on his own will take work. I would work my way out of the room. Start by putting baby in bed and patting, singing, whatever is needed. Few days later, eliminate the touching, but sit next to crib and sing or talk. Few days later, do less. Keep going til can set him down and walk out.

I personally hate the Ferber thing. I think it's cruel.

Answer 5

Have you tried on of those aquarium lights for his crib? Fisher Price makes them. If you know he is not hungry, dirty, or wet then turn that on maybe some music & close the door and let him wail! He will be fine. Sounds like he does not want to be alone to me!
Mom of four of my own four of other folks kids & A LVN.

Answer 6

Crying is a baby's only form of language and communication. If he could tell you what was wrong, he would.

The routine you've got going isn't working for either of you and there is no such thing as teaching a four-month-old anything, much less about fear or doing what is best for him. If you could do that, the world would have a whole bunch of six month old geniuses.

Babies don't like to be left alone, especially without their mothers. While many babies do just fine and go right to sleep, many more do not.

You can try many different things and some may work, but bear in mind that a baby's needs change as they grow, and they grow more in the first two years of life than for the rest of their lives.

A baby who isn't the go-right-to-sleep type isn't going to become the type no matter what you do. Just as you have a bedtime routine that works for you, so does the baby have one. With effort, you will find his routine.

That he exhausts himself to sleep isn't particularly healthy and no doubt rattles your nerves no end. It would be good to change the routine up with some different approaches:
* Rocking him to sleep and holding him for 15-20 minutes after he's asleep.
* Placing a shirt or small blanket that smells like you in his bed.
* Keeping his bed next to yours, going to sleep when he does, and keeping your hand in his bed until he's asleep.
* Play soothing music with low or no lighting and gently dance with him until he's asleep.

While there are those who say this makes him rely on you, I would offer that you're teaching the child what it feels like to go to sleep a completely different way than he is used to: via exhaustion. Several weeks of this can then serve to change the routine wherein you hold him for 15-20 minutes, then put him in bed and stay with him until he falls asleep. Singing or humming is always a welcome part of any bedtime routine for a baby or small child.

There are two very important things to remember about babies:

1) They require constant care, as I'm sure you've learned over the past four months. There is simply no way your life is going to be the way it was four months ago or a year ago. Free time comes only when you make the arrangement - with your significant other, a relative or a sitter. I urge you to regularly schedule away time (a few hours once a week) because every mother needs a break.

2) The days are long but the years are short. Babies are only babies for about a year. Your life is not over, but the life you had is on hold for a bit. I know you're tired and so many things have changed. It's this way for your baby, also, but he doesn't have a way to tell you anything whereas you can come online and ask for advice. If he could go online, he might ask "How can I tell my mother that I miss the way she smells when I go to sleep alone at night?"

You have the kind of baby that once he's wound up, he has a hell of a time getting calmed down - and apparently can't until he's exhausted. Clearly this isn't working for either of you so do it differently. You know laying him in his bed gets him started, so don't start with that. Start with the dancing or the humming or the singing - or all of them. Slow dance your way through the house, into and out of his room and yours, get that shirt that smells like you and use it as a blanket around him. Look out the window or even go outside for a bit.

I know it takes some babies a lot of time to get them to sleep and this can feel like it's stealing hours and hours away from your life, but again remember this is a baby and he will not be a baby much longer. By the end of summer you will have a different child, and by Christmas you'll have a child even more different than that. This too shall pass, I promise you.

Perspective is everything. Because you're right in the middle of this, it may seem like it's been forever since you had a quiet night and it may seem like it will be forever before you have another quiet night. Do remember, though: It takes about four years to get a college degree. It takes about five years to pay off a new car loan. It takes about two years to get any kind of vocational training. It takes a year to get a baby to their first birthday and you already have four months under your belt.

Treat the baby the way you would want to be treated if you couldn't communicate, walk, or exert any kind of control over your environment. If all you could do is cry and lift your head, how would you like things to be?

I've told many young moms - don't blink. Your child will be 20 years old before you know it. Funny thing is, it wouldn't have helped me either when I had a screaming child in tow every night. I swear my children were 1 and 2 years old for ten years because it was so much work. Then I blinked - and now they're in college.

For the record, those who say they don't remember much of their children's childhood weren't really invovled in their children's lives or had angelic children who never gave them trouble. Good for them, but that's reality for the rest of us. I will never forget the hours upon hours upon weeks upon months I spent caring for my screamer and then later helping her communicate with others without losing her temper.

Get out and about with other mothers, to the park, where ever and how ever you can. Even at four months, a baby knows there's something happening and will respond to the stimulation of a new place (sights, sounds, smells). Fresh air throughout the day is especially helpful for a child who languishes at night.

Take it easy, take care of yourself, take care of your child and remember that his baby days -- his crying, diapers, feedings, playing and cooing -- will not last much longer.

Answer 7

Your baby might have colic or acid reflux. Read up on it, and take your baby to the doctor and ask if it might be a possibility.

Answer 8

try putting a radio or cd player in his room. put him to bed and turn up the radio loud enough for him to hear it over his crying, when he feels like theres something in the room louder than him, he will quieten down, and eventually fall asleep.

Answer 9

give him a warm bath and make sure he is full.he may have gas bubbles in his stomach or if he is in the air alot he can get colic,which makes a baby cranky.

Answer 10

THERE'S NO SOLUTION TO THAT, HE'S SPOILED.