So I'm pregnant, now what?

Question

I'm almost 19 weeks along, and I'm no longer excited. In the beginning I was, even though this was unplanned and I'm unmarried at 25 years old. Now I'm feeling anxious (in the bad way). I'm worried about money, and our current living situation ( a 1 bdrm apt which is all we can really afford at the moment), finishing school, finding a better job and everythign else that one could worry about. I could almost say I'm feeling a bit regretful because of all these worries I'm having. Is this normal? Am I going to be a bad mother? What's going on?!?!?

Answer 1

I think everyone worries, even if they are married, and have a job, and a house. It's normal to worry. If you didn't worry, I would worry about you!

Your situation sounds less than perfect, but many moms are in your situation and are terrific moms! So, just love your child the best you can, and remember children are a gift from God. God will bless you because you kept this baby, and if you believe and have faith, He will help you. You are going to love this baby so much, and babies don't care what kind of house you live in or what kind of car you drive. They just want love and attention and food and a warm place to sleep, and a peaceful home.

Answer 2

Think of it this way. In the beginning, it was euphoria and almost a sense that it was true, but not real.

Reality is setting in. And it's a good thing as long as you use the worry in a productive way.

Make a list of the top three things that really need to be done, that really can be done and that now is the right time to action on. Work on those three things. All the others you will have already identified as less importnant and focusing on them and 'everything' will simply paralyze you, keep you from doing anything.

Remember too how little the baby will be. We have a one bedroom apartment as well. For the first several months, the baby always sleeps in the parent's room. So, having a one bedroom will work at least for the first four months.

You have your whole pregnancy plus at least four months before you need to figure out the "And then where will the baby sleep?"

We all go through it. Even people will great situations worry about something - Will I be a good mother?, Will the baby be healthy?, etc. There's a big sense that things suddenly went out of control.

Everything's going to be fine as long as you can try to relax, think carefully about what's truly important, and take in small steps.

Answer 3

Those are normal worries for anyone who is pregnant...I guess it's too late to give you the " you should have been more careful" speech so I will offer you some advice.

You have at least for the moment deviated from you plan or at the very least the life you were living...You can make that a good thing or something more difficult than it needs to be! You have the power to be a great mom or a not so great mom. You have the power.

Do what works for you. Decide what you are willing to sacrifice, because that is where you need to focus right now. You have all but admitted that you can't do it all...right?

So decide, are you willing to put school on hold, so that you can work right now to save money? Maybe you should move to a less expensive area, and switch jobs all together? Maybe staying home after your child is here is a good option, since a second income is about what it costs in childcare to have the second income!!! ( I hope that made sense?)

You do not need to give up your hopes and dreams altogether but you need to be realistic, and very sure about what you are willing to spend time & money perusing. Many people can peruse all of that at once, but many of those people tend to be overworked, tired and general dissatisfied with their life. Like I said you do not have to give up your hopes & dreams you must simply find a new road possibly a longer road to get there!

In my opinion your priorities should be:
*You & your pregnancy & child’s health.
*Your financial situation, and several options (i.e. moving, switching jobs etc.)
*Then once things have settled, your future...

People push the future all the time...But it is more important to focus on the moment, you have no guarantee that tomorrow will be here, so why worry about it & when you have the opportunity to make future plans do so. But never forget to be present. "Each day is a gift: that's why it's called the present." What will you do with the gift of today?

Answer 4

Yes, that is normal. And no you will not be a bad mother! I was 17 when I had my first and 23 when I had my 2nd. We live in a 2 bedroom house and both of our kids sleep in our room, we like it that way. I was not married when I had my first either. It just works out, where there is a will there is a way. Things will all come together for you, and when you see your baby for the first time, none of the thinkgs you are worrying about will matter, you will wonder how you can love someone so much! I wish you all the best and if you need any more advice don't hesitate to email me! [e-mail]. Good Luck!

Answer 5

You should have thought about all this before you got pregnant. I was in a similar situation, but I was 28, finished school, had a great job, and owned my own home. The bottom line is you are now responsible for the well being of a completely helpless infant. No, you are not a bad mother. Your body is going thru all kinds of changes including emotional changes. Don't stress, it's not good for you or the baby. You guys will make it thru this. Maybe trade off with your boyfriend: he can work during the day while you watch the baby and you can attend school at night or on-line. There are so many options out there. Don't fret and good luck.

Answer 6

There's a whole lot of anxiety that comes with pregnancy. As far as your current concerns, remember the most important things in life cannot be bought. Teaching him or her to be happy, lots of love, a sense of well-being, acceptance, all sorts of things that are more important than if he or she has ample material items.

It sounds like you're on the right track, but having a hard time. Look for support right now, I don't know about your parents, but if they live near, they might help with watching the baby while you finish school. Friends, especially if they also have children and you could take turns. Finishing school is definately important, but you can't really find the job that you want until you do that, so just focus on school.

As far as space, the baby will be happiest near you for a awhile, so the baby won't care that you have a 1 br apt. You might care, but he or she won't. Just because you don't have a seperate room doesn't mean that you can't put up curtains or make a space for the baby too.

You're going to be a fine mother. The things that you are worried about will be easier to deal with as they come. It sounds like you do want what is best for you and the baby, so just remember that. It is hard, but you are working through it now and can continue to do so.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Yes, it's normal. And it's one of the reasons why young women are urged not to have an unplanned pregnancy when they aren't married, haven't finished their education, don't have a good job, can't afford to bring a child into this world, etc....

But what's done is done and now you are going to have a baby that you will be responsible for raising and educating and caring for. NOW is not the time to come to the realization that this may not have been the best idea. It's going to happen, so get ready!

You will be fine. There are a number of programs out there for mothers to be and new mothers. Enroll in them and get the help that you need.

Answer 8

you're all normal and I'm sure you'll be a great mom. those fears are just a sign for your motherhood hormones to have kicked in, the kind that makes you take care of your child's best interests and be more responsible.

you're situation is not just a walk in the park and your worries are after all justified. but as I always say, I can tell you what it costs, but not what it will give you (and I'm a single mother of an almost 19years old) get the best advice wherever you can ( social places, student org. church, family...), as long as you're mobile sort out your options. once you have the all the informations, and take your time to adopt your own personal strategy, but you're not alone and there are people out there willing to help. I'm in Europe so I cannot be more specific about it.... I wish you all the very, very best my dear. keep a diary, it helps at moments... and be patient with yourself and the others.

Answer 9

Your emotions will be like this throughout the whole pregnancy... I was 18 hun!!! graduated highschool and bam, was left to do it alone, And i had alot less than you did. You will notice once the baby comes, that as a mother you go into survival mode almost as if you were a lion in a jungle. I grabbed life by the " balls" and made failure not an option. You tend to want to make life "un tainted" for your little one, and you will succeed. Dont get me wrong hard times are inevitable, but you will be wise and not make the same mistake twice cause it is about your child, you will become selfless and do it the best you can for your baby, you will notice the better person you have become financially, and emotionally. You can do it, and deep down, i think you know you can do it also. Good luck in all that you do. And write your feelings down in a journal. My daughter is 2 and i look back at what i wrote when i was18 and pregnant, and my, what a change.

Answer 10

I understand how you feel right now. That is normal.But worrying are not going to help you with your situation right now. You just have to be calm and trust God that He will help you to get through this. Your question if you are going to be a bad mother? It is going to be your choice. But, remember that the baby you are carrying right has no fault at all. The baby is innocent. You need to show your love to that baby starting righ now. Whatever you feel, she/he feels the same way. Im sure that once the baby is born, no matter how hard your situation is, you will able to find a time to smile and thank the Lord for giving such a blessing.So just stay calm and pray!