Why does everyone seem to think that all problems must be treated with counseling?

Question

Every time someone asks a question or wants advice, I keep seeing people telling them to seek counseling. Are those people getting kick backs from the "counseling center"? It truly disgusts me that people think that if they have a minor problem, they need to go to a counselor for help. Other terms for counselor include Phsycologist, Therapist, Marriage Specialist, and Quack. You know, I once met a woman who claimed the title of "Marriage Specialist" and had never been married. Anyway, I think therapy is a waste of time in most cases and there are less expensive and more effective ways to make youself feel good about your life. I am just wondering if I am the only one who feels this way.
I know that there will be a bunch of answers that will tell me how right I am (hoping for that "best answer") and about as many that will tell me to seek counseling. I just want to know if there is anyone who will actually put true thought into giving me an answer.

to add to my query (especially after seeing some answers) I am not a "manly man" and I don't even drink. I am a 43 year old man who has been married for 19 years to a wonderful woman. I have 7 great kids who I feel are as normal and well adjusted as could be. I never said nobody should seek counseling but I think that traumatic experiences qualify as requiring counseling. A Woman asking for advice about her husbands annoying habit does not call for couseling.
I am not a counselor but have been in many of the circumstances that so many people have said should seek counseling. To name a few, Physically abused as a child, held a freind in my arms as he died, failed in stopping a suicide as a cop, served in the infantry in combat and lost buddies to it, and quite a few more. I have never been to counseling and have weathered things very well. I just think that there are other and better alternatives to counseling.

Underground man, you must be in the field that I am challenging. Why are you so defensive?

Answer 1

This is the pussification of our country, dear. You can't score points in kiddie soccer games, you can't hate someone even if they are a total dick to you, you can't hold an opinion different than anyone else's without being considered a prick.

We don't need to go to therapy, we need to be allowed to get angry. We don't need to all get along together, we need to be allowed to tell someone to f- off when they get stupid or get in your face.

Your mom didn't make you an emotional wreck, you're just a moron. Just because daddy left the family when you were 9 doesn't mean you have to go to therapy to keep from becoming a streetwalker by 13. People need to take more responsibility for themselves and who they let get to them. And if your wife suddenly doesn't want to have sex with you, she isn't necessarily cheating on you. Maybe she's just having an off month. Instead of therapy, try a vacation. Talking it out won't make any difference.

Answer 2

I think, the "counseling" advice is kind of a generic response that people who want to be helpful give when they have no other ideas. It doesn't make it a bad advice, and I'm sure there are instances where one can benefit from counseling. But, as with any advice, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution, and I don't think anyone claims it to be. Yes, providing that the people involved are 1) intelligent, 2) insightful, 3) willing to work the problem out, 4) willing to compromise, there are usually ways to take care of your own problems without running to a counselor every time. The problem is that many people seem to be completely in the dark about their feelings, their relationships, their actions; they don't have the basic skills needed to resolve interpersonal problems. This is where one wants to throw their hands up and say - GEESH, see a counselor already! You, yourself, might not benefit from counseling; but then again, you seem to be one of the very few people around here who can express themselves in complete sentences, use proper punctuation and capitalization, and spell the English words correctly. Perhaps this indicates that you possess a basic level of intelligence that also allows you to reason well, contemplate the situations you're in, and access them realistically. There probably isn't much a counselor can tell you that you haven't already thought about. However, consider the fact that for many people, even the most basic common-sense things can be a revelation. It is for them that counseling can be the most beneficial - providing they are eager and willing to learn. Bottom line - while I myself don't need counseling to get me through life, I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt even if it helps just a few people.

Answer 3

I have about 5 answers to your question. I will start with, not all problems need counseling.

1. Counselors spend years studying how the mind works and the dynamics of relationships.
2. If a couple has the ability to fix their problems on their own they would have done so before it grew to a point of needing counseling.
3. Our parents were as messed up as we are and did not set good models. Counselors can help you find a better way of dealing with problems.
4. Sometimes the problem is a chemical imbalance and will never be resolved by your will alone.
5. Counseling is a waste of time 100% of the time if you attitude is that it will not work.

Saying you don't believe in counseling is kind of like saying you don't believe in heart doctors. The brain is one of the most important organs in the body and things can go wrong with it. Do you accept that stress can create problems with your heart? I assume so. Then it isn't a stretch to figure it can cause problems in the brain too.

Answer 4

"Everyone" doesn't think anything all the same...and counseling isn't always necessary or always recommended...however when people aren't doing well at all handling their issues themselves, then it makes sense to enlist a professional to see if they can help, before just throwing in the towel.

If you have an issue against counselor's, that's your thing *shrugs*...but many people throughout the world have been helped by them (singles and couples) when they couldn't seem to resolve their issues alone.

I wouldn't head to see a professional every time something cropped up in life (which some people do) but if there's an issue that someone has tried to deal with and nothing they try is working, and they've asked the advice of others but nothing is still working...what's wrong with talking to a professional to see if they can shed some light or help find an approach from a different angle? Some situations are just best left/quit and for the person to move on...but depending on the importance of the issue and what's at stake, I definitely think professional counseling can be a very viable option.

Answer 5

It depends on the people involved. Sometimes the couple needs an objective point of view to help them think outside themselves.

I do agree that some counselors are just folks who wanted an easy job, listening and telling other people what to do (and oddly, often can't manage their own lives)

Others do an excellent job at becoming experts in a particular specialization such as family matters and can coach folks who have learned habits and behaviors that are counter productive to growing a healthy relationship learn new ways of solving problems.

Just because you believe you can resolve all of your issues doesn't mean that everyone has that skill. Some come from environments where they did not see a healthy marriage, so they either learned bad patterns from observing their parents and/or learned NO patterns at all, and need help getting off in the right direction.

So, if what you are saying is that it's not a panacea, then I agree. If you are saying it doesn't work for anyone and isn't the best solution for anyone, then I disagree.

I have found that a good counselor is someone who will help you objectively see the situation for what it really is and teach you skills that you can use to make better decisions and change behaviors.

This is often critical when one is going through a crisis such as an affair or divorce or whatever.

The messages your friends send and the messages that your unfaithful spouse sends may not accurately reflect reality. Friends may support you by bashing your spouse but not really helping you see your issues. An unfaithful spouse may re-write history or project her faults on to you and since you find yourself in the crisis, you may accept these as truth, when really they are not.

What a good counselor or coach does is teach you to see, teach you better patterns of behavior. A good counselor is not someone who will just validate what you already believe, but help you find the objective truth and how to deal effectively.

If one is going to counseling just to feel good about themselves, then I agree, your mates at the pub are probably just as effective, and not nearly as costly.

If one wants to really improve themselves and change patterns of behavior that they find troublesome and/or get an objective, and profession view of a situation, then the counselor may be the better choice than the pub.

Answer 6

I believe that some people jump the gun and recommend counseling. HOWEVER, an outside perspective to ongoing issues in relationships is sometimes needed. Sometimes couples have major breakdown in communication or one of the parties just doesn't get it. No matter how often or no matter how many ways it's explained, the other party just doesn't get it. Rather then leave the relationship, some feel counseling will help. I feel a good line of communication is a must for a successful relationship and sometimes counseling won't even help.

Bottom line, when people ask for advice, it's usualy because they've tried everything they can think of and nothing is working to help resolve the issue. Thus, counseling is an alternative to throwing your hands up and saying "oh well, ex to the next".

Answer 7

Some people actually need counseling and getting counseling isn't a bad thing. Mostly they listen and help you deal through your own problems; they don't sovle them for you. I was an abused child and had no father. It messed my life up really bad and I started counseling 18 months ago. I have changed so much for the better, and she told me at the very beginning, "I will never tell you anything you don't already know, and I will never tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I'm here to help you help yourself."

Yes, I'm sure there are quacks out there and people who just want the money, but I also know there are those that truly want to help people, and it's so much easier talking to someone you don't know and someone who won't judge you then it is to talk to anyone else. Also, marriage counseling gives couples a place to discuss things without it getting out of hand.

Answer 8

Okay, I have worked in the field. (US Navy Psych. Tech.) Most people have poor coping skills, aversion to change, and ,frankly, live in a constant state of denial (in some form or another). Like all things you must shop around, and find the best qualified doctor for your problem. You don't go to an Optometrist for a busted knee, the same is true for mental health.

I look at counseling as a last resort. Meaning you have tried everything you can think of on your own, and now you need someone elses ideas who is not directly involved. For as much as friends love us and want the best for us they are not non-objective.

When I tell people to get counseling on this forum, I assume (stupidly perhaps) that the poster is at their wits end, and has tried everything within their power to change the situation they are in. Usually I suggest group therapy rather than one on one. For several reasons.
1. It is cheaper.
2. A sense of camaraderie, and pursuit of a common goal.
3. New ideas from MANY sources. What didn't work for you may work for another, and vis versa.

Answer 9

I'm speaking to you as one who has been happily married for over 36 years, and who has seen the relationships of both friends and family go down the toilet for a number of common reasons.

Chief among those reasons was a simple lack of COMMUNICATION.

Take a memo.

People didn't communicate enough BEFORE they got married, so they didn't discover that there may have been some serious differences of opinion, philosophy, theology, etc. A few years down the road they get a seriously "rude awakening."

People don't communicate enough once they DO get married; they don't talk about the things most important and dear to them; their sexual preferences, their dreams, their fantasies. All of a sudden one day they discover that they're not as "compatible" as they thought. No duh...

The biggest part of counseling and therapy is COMMUNICATION; between each other and with the counselor.

Life (and counseling) is like a toilet ~ you get out of it what you put into it.

Or, as the computer-related phrase goes,"garbage in - garbage out."

If you don't COMMUNICATE, you can't solve any problem.

Word.

Answer 10

I honestly think that modern society has most people feeling that if they're not 100% happy 100% of the time, then they're somehow defective.

People just don't seem to trust those around them anymore either. People used to have that one friend that they would talk to on a regular basis and confide in. Now, people just fire off a text message from their cell phone, or send someone an email, or IM message. There's no more of that one on one chatting where you can actually sit down and carry on a conversation in real-time with someone, and get close enough to bond and trust the person.

So, you add those two together, and you have a bunch of delusional people who think that every minor problem in their life is a major one, because it's not that 'dream life' they imagine everyone else is living. And because they never take the time to really get to know someone, or trust people in their life, they automatically assume that the best advice is going to come from the person who makes their money dolling it out.

Answer 11

Like everything if you seek counseling , you got to do your research, No point in going to a marriage counslor that has one never been married or two been divorced 3 or 4 times.

Some problems can be solved just by taking some time to reflect on how the problem came to be. Some people are very good on doing that, others need help and a good counselor will help you.