Baby's Father Runs From Me?

Question

I recently reunited with a former love, and we have enjoyed a renewal of our love, closer than ever...we have been making casual plans about a future together, traveling, retirement together...we talked about going through with the wedding that I called off seven years ago (he got cold feet), we talked about trying to have one child together before we get too old...it seemed like he did most of the planning and the talking, and I was content to listen and smile and dream along with him...until yesterday when I discovered I am pregnant. He got me pregnant the last time we were together, seven years ago, and mourned the baby's loss as I did, but this time, he runs and won't even face me, let alone talk to me.

I am devastated! What is UP with him? Is this cold feet times two? How could he just completely shine me on like this? I am 46, very independent, well-off and gainfully employed, can take care of myself, I don't need anything from him except a little love!

OK, I just talked to a mutual friend who says he "has too much on his plate and can't handle a baby right now."

I'm just going to pretend he doesn't exist and concentrate on my future.

A word to those who think I "planned" this to entrap him: it's a free country. But you're dead wrong. I certainly should have been more careful. I didn't think I could get pregnant so easily at age 46. ( I've been completely celibate by choice for four years!!! ) I am already kicking myself for that. I would definitely have liked to wait at least three or four years! But ready or not, here it comes, and I have to move forward, with or without him.

If he wants to be a part of my life in the future, he is going to have to get those big fat lips in practice for some mighty big puckering up against my *** cheeks.

I can't help feeling like I love him, but he is a WUSS.

Answer 1

Valerie....congratulations!! Sorry it's not under happier circumstances. Does he have e-mail? I would send him a shortcut to this page and let him see how other people view him, and he can read how YOU feel by your question. Or print it out and mail it to him. It's too soon to tell how he really feels, HE probably doesn't even know. Let him have time to think and get over the shock (and you too). Meanwhile, just go on the way you have. If he comes around it will be great, If not, put aside your feelings for him, think of the baby, and just think of him as a pleasant memory. There's not much you CAN do except tear yourself up over him and his actions, and you're smarter and stronger than that.

Answer 2

This comes from personal experience, After the loss of my first child, (still born) my wife ended up pregnant again about 4 month after the loss. Looking back, I realized that I was scared to death of this second child. I did almost exactly like your love is doing to you. It's hard to understand, but men make connection to the child, even while its in the womb. He's running to avoid that connection out of fear of what happened before.

I feel for you becuse I know your scaired and worried about the same things, but you don't have the option of running away. For me, it took my wife becoming indifferent to what I did and the realization that I was going to loose her before I came around.

If you can, try to understand his feelings and try to work with him on it. Don't be accusatory, that will just make it worse. Let him know that you understand his fear, you have it to. and that at some time you would like to sit with him and just enjoy eachother. (dont talk or even mention the baby)

I hope everything works out for you.
(Happy to report I now have a 7 year old daughter and another son on the way)

Answer 3

Hopefully he is scared, and everything will eventually fall into place. Give him some time to let it all sink in and time to see the big picture. If he does get cold feet again, know that you are having a child with a man whose qualities you obviously admire and find compatible. Whether he is there or not, being a mother, even a single mother, is the most rewarding job in the world, so congrats!

Answer 4

He could be scared of losing another child. Or afraid of what that baby might bring. He may have wanted children, but not this second. It is good that you are able to care for yourself, if he wises up, let him be a part of the child's life, if he loves you, let him be a part of yours, if he stays gone, then consider yourself blessed with the child and be glad he is gone, the child and you deserve better even if it is just you raising the baby. Congratulation on the baby!!

Answer 5

The answer is in your question. You two had a child before that passed away, he may be feeling afraid for this child too.

He may not have gotten over the previous baby's passing.

I don't know how long it's been since you two have spoken , but I think that once he deals with his fear you two will be able to work through this. Just give him a little time.

Answer 6

It has only been 1 day.
Finding out your gf or even wife is pregnant is a big ordeal. And it makes no difference if this is yours and his first child or 12th child. Every child changes your life and so it's quite a shock when you initially find out.

Give him time to think things through, and then talk to him.

During this time, do not hassle him about his responsibilities, about marriage about anything. Just let him think it all through.

Answer 7

Cold feet is a pending feeling of apprehension or doubt strong enough to prevent a planned course of action. In weddings, having "cold feet" is used as catch phrase to describe a premonition, state of ambivalence, or uncertainty in regards to a pending wedding. Cold feet can often be the result of nervousness or anxiety.

Answer 8

MAYBE HE IS SCARED TO SHOW HIS FEELINGS BECAUSE OF THE FIRST LOSS. TAKE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT. FIND OUT WHAT IS REALLY ON HIS MIND AND DISCUSS WAYS TO FIX THE PROBLEM. THERE IS A BABY ON THE WAY AND IT WILL NEED SUPPORT FROM THE TWO OF YOU. TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT TO BE ABLE TO PROVIDE THE BEST LOVE A CHILD CAN HAVE. CONGRATS AND GOOD LUCK!

Answer 9

honey you just take care of you and that baby and if some day he comes crawling up begging for forgiveness again make him prove he wants to be in yall's lives don't let him in so easily since next time he could hurt that child too.

Answer 10

you are content with yourself. your right you dont need a man. what this man did was can an sucked you by in. its okay to love him. but love thyself first. you put what had to put out there so let that be. dont let him getin a state were you need him. now you have to think about a baby. that the most impotant thing right now.