Should I stay or go?

Question

I recently found out that my husband of six years has been having a "friendship" with another woman. He bought a new cell phone (unknown to me) and has been calling her. He swears they are just friends, but I do not know if I can trust him. I found out about the phone when I walked in on him calling her and he hit the speaker button instead of the end button. I am so lost and confused. I want my marriage to work as I love him so much and I thought we had a good marriage. He says it is over but how can I trust him?

Answer 1

I am very sorry for your pain, I can relate. I cant say whether you should stay or go but I do have to say that from past experience, I have learned that believing the lies your husband tells you and trying to make the marriage work, is alot harder than it sounds. If you feel in your heart that he has cheated, he probably has, and if you let it, that one tiny doubt will eat away at your self esteem and drive you crazy. so dont say you forgive him if you dont. The most important thing I learned from my situation is that "we teach people how to treat us". I always wondered why people did me wrong, it has finally occured to me that someone could *cheat -lie-steal***whatever the case may be*** and if I allow it and stay in that situation, then I am telling them that its ok to treat me that way and there will be no consequences.
I hope that if you decide to stay, You will make it very clear to him that you do not deserve a cheater and a liar. If you believe your better than that, he will know it too. and if noone has told you today, I THINK YOUR BETTER THAN THAT AND YOU DESERVE MORE RETURN ON A SIX YEAR INVESTMENT!!
Good luck and I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
also remember that an honest man has nothing to hide. xoxo

Answer 2

"Friends" huh? Yep...sure. Maybe this little comedy that's being played out for you hasn't been consumated but it sure was on the road to it before you happened upon it. Men don't purchase cell phones for women 9or vice versa) without a purpose in mind. And of course the purpose isn't just jaw-jacking.
How can you trust him? Simple answer lady. You can't. Not just yet anyway. A violation of trust is more damaging than most people even imagine. People don't think and enter into situations where their trust has now been comprimised, all the while thinking about anything and everything except the damage this does.
You may regain your trust with him again after a fashion. But for the time being he is going to bear close watching and he knows it too. plus...he has no reason after a week or so (if not longer) to become angry if he becomes annoyed by questions you may field to him concerning his loyalty and faithfulness.
He made his bed. Tough banannas. Now its up to him to show you that he deserves your trust once more.

Answer 3

Only you can decide if it's worth the effort to m ake your marriage work. At this point it will require work too. It would be senseless to toss 6 years down the drain, especially if you still love the guy. But you must find out how sincere he is in saying it's over. He must gain your trust back if he truly wants you to stay. It will be worth whatever he must do if he truly wants you. Set down the law, make some new rules. That will give you a clue if he is serious about making it work with you. If he is not, he will fuss and demand his way. That means he isn't through playing the field and must grow up before becoming a decent husband. That's your clue to get out and on with your life. Good luck dear. Life does get better.

Answer 4

6 years... that's too long to just say "it's over" like that. If it were me. I'd have let him know in the beginning of the marriage that if he ever did anything like that, I would be out the door in a flash, and then he would never do that if he wanted to keep me.

If it were me, I would go on a seperation. Not a divorce, but seperate... send him packing for a while. If he wanted to date me, he'd ask me out. If he didn't he wouldn't, and I'd know then whether he wanted her or me. So.... scenerio 1: he doesn't ask you to dinners.... divorce. 2: He asks you to dinners..... after a few, invite him back in, but he needs to know you don't trust him and he has to communicate everything to you. Everything. Even if it is embarassing. That's what I would do. Emotional affairs are devistating. Even more so than sexual because there is a level of intimacy there. I don't really talk much to any single guys. My man doesn't really talk much to single girls. Talking about issues or problems with someone other than your "other half" is inviting an affair. Emotionally. So... no. Not much trust there, I can understand that.

Answer 5

I think that I would leave. If the relationship was innocent why would he have to hide the fact that he bought a cell phone and this may not be the first time he has done this. There is something wrong with him and until he acknowledges it he cannot fix it. If he doesn't fix it then this will more than likely happen again. You deserve better than that.

Answer 6

Sorry. Really, but what is over is your marriage.

He actually got a second cell phone JUST to call this woman. That is SOME friendship.

What it is is BS.

I would not trust him. He betrayed you and he is a liar.

Answer 7

Wow! That sucks. That's a pretty severe violation of trust and that's going to be something hard for your husband to earn back.

If you want to save the marriage, get thee to marriage counselor post haste. Also, your husband needs to dump his little friend and not make any new ones.

My personal feeling is that if they are just friends then your husband should have nothing to hide. Is sounds like you caught your hubby on the road to adultery.

Answer 8

apparently it's not over because he is still talking to her .do you even know how long he had the cell phone .he could haven been talking to her for a long time and don't even know it. i don't know how your marriage is going to work if you can't trust your husband. your going to become a watch dog try to find out his ever move .can you live like that

Answer 9

He is the one that has thrown 6 years of marriage away with this behavior. You may try to trust him again, but you will always have that little part of you that will wonder if he's doing it again. And most likely, he will do it again. I recently left my wife because of a "friendship" she had with a coworker that she promised over and over again to end, but never did.

Answer 10

What a PRICK! He needs to have the cell phone turned off and give it to you, give you access to the bill, and work on proving it's over, not just TELLING you it's over. It's the only way you will learn to trust and believe him again, but it will happen, especially if you still love each other.