Would this be considered cheating and should I forgive him?

Question

My husband and I separated in November. I desperately wanted to work it out b/c we have a baby together but the separation was all my fault cause I treated him badly, so he said he needed time. By February he was dating someone else, and by March they moved in together. He's abandoned his daughter for her, he never sees her. Now he seems to be tired of the other girl, his family hates her and that's a big deal to him cause he's a mama's boy, and he's started to show a VERY slight interest in me again by calling again and coming over once last week to help me look for my lost dog. Would this be considered cheating and how can I forgive him for taking everything away from our daughter and giving it to some random girl? I'm not saying we're getting back together, I just want to know if I should even be willing to consider working things out when he sends the other girl packing.

Answer 1

It sounds like a rebound romance. You hurt him, and he wanted to feel loved, show you he doesn't need you, and hurt you like you hurt him. Yes, it was unfair to your daughter that he chose to react so immaturely, but don't jepordize her entire relationship with her father because of this one event.

I am not saying you two should re-marry and live happily ever after, but I am saying that you should absolutely forgive him and at least get to the point that you can work together for the benefit of your daughter.

Answer 2

Yikes, well you did say that this separation was your fault right? Then if you were separated he really hasn't done anything wrong. If he wants to come back you should definitely give it another try for the sake of your daughter. But you need to make sure this is what he really wants or it will not work out in the end, daughter or no daughter.

Answer 3

If he had still kept an open relationship with his daugher during that time I would have said there was a chance to forgive him. But since he completely was able to write his own flesh and blood out of his life for some other woman then no, do not let him back in your life. You have to ask yourself, is he coming back because he loves you or is he bored with the other girl now and is codependent so he's going to be there until another hussy comes along. Be strong for yourself and your daughter. Someone out there will stick with you through thick and thin. Now you recognize what behavior you didn't like in yourself towards him and you can make a change for the better in your next relationship. Just my opinion. good luck

Answer 4

Regardless of how you treated him, it was no reason for him to go out and find a new live in girlfriend if he "needed time". If he wants to switch gears so quickly, what makes you think he won't do it again? For the sake of your daughter, if you trust him and want to make it work because you love him, then by all means talk to him and lay it all out on the table. Nobody likes being the "rebound" so make sure you're not his. You don't need a man to make you and your daughter happy. Everything takes time and I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

If you treated him badly, I could see why you separated. I can even see how he would date someone else. It's very easy to fall out of love with someone when they are not treating you right.

Him neglecting your daughter, though, is something else ENTIRELY. That would be grounds for dismissal in my book. The fact that he slept with someone else within weeks of us splitting up would also be close to unforgivable, in my opinion.

He sounds like a flake. I don't think that I would want to go back to that, either. It's your choice, though, hun. You know him better than anyone does.

Answer 6

I am going through that. I am still with my husband. I would forgive him definately. But you won't forget. you will never forget and every time you start to feel good around him again the memory of what he did will pop right back up in your head. the hurt will sting your heart and the life you had with him before will never be the same. I would start over with a new man. Maybe a new man will hurt you too but atleast you will feel love without the memory of pain again. If you get back with him you will never feel that.

Answer 7

Big issues here. I think you both need to grow a bit. Perhaps he's realizing he needs you more than he needs the other. Only you can say if you need him. And then understand his weaknesses, and that he might not be thjere when the going gets tough. You must show some character. One of you should. And do what is BEST for YOU.

Answer 8

I think you should just forget the "blame game" as there seems to be more than enough to go around. You both need to go to counseling and try to work things through. I guess I am curious as to why you "treated him badly"....you really need to anwer that - maybe that will give you some insight as to how to mend your relationship. You will both have to want to get back together.....

Answer 9

Uh NO! At least not that quick I mean if you love him by all means you know you guys share a daughter, but i think that he needs to prove that his family is everything to him. Just remember that as long as one loves, one forgives. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

your were separated ..... so what happens once you are separated to me is not cheating. It was wrong of him to have nothing to do with the child once he began seeing this other woman....but as we all know so many men think with the wrong head. Trying to work on your marriage will be not just your decision...but his too. I would suggest just sitting back and take things real easy....if they appear to be going tin the right direction then good....if not then just move on.