Recently (yesterday) I found messages being sent back and forth between my fiancé and one of his ex-girlfriends from way back in the day through myspace.com. I am absolutely floored at how he was writing to her. He knows that she is also engaged and keeps writing about the past; how he thinks of her every time he hears their song, how myspace has reunited him with his first love, how she is one of his biggest regrets, the bars where he is on the weekend (hmm…), etc. Am I totally over-reacting or is this not cool? I have been cheated on my whole entire life and thought that I finally found someone who is the perfect guy, now I think he is proving me wrong. We have been together for 4+ years. To my knowledge he has not physically cheated on me, but it seems like he is emotionally- then what is the next step? Someone please give me some advice. I cannot take another broken heart. Please, please, I need something…(p.s. I was not snooping, we were looking at it together when I saw)
2007-04-10 05:40:02 · 19 answers · asked by M. M 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
talk to him about it.
2007-04-10 05:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by Babe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His conduct is inappropriate; how long ago were the messages written, and how many of them there are? It's not uncommon to think about the past or have some regrets about the past; we all probably have a thing or two we wish we'd done differently. That alone is not a big deal. I bet it is also not that uncommon to express these feelings to the person you were once involved with in an attempt to get some "closure" in a relationship. If these messages you described are small in number, I wouldn't fret about it. But if the pattern seems obsessive, and stretches over a long period of time, perhaps you need to take a long hard look at your relationship; seems to me he might not be ready for marriage quite yet.
Thinking about the past is not "emotional cheating", and happens to everyone. Being obssessed with it and constantly going back to it is dysfunctional, and can have a negative effect on the current relationship. Don't jump to conclusions, but don't be a fool, either.
2007-04-10 13:22:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If ur not married yet and he is doing that then what will he do after ur married? You know what he is doing isn't right because it hurts your heart. Time heals. The longer you take to leave the longer the pain is going to last. No matter what it will hurt. If you have children together then maybe you both should talk about the trust and how he is going to prove to you that he can't be without you. Tell him if you don't like his actions then hit the door. If he don't like what you ask of him then hit the door. Don't ever let a man make you or break you.
2007-04-10 12:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by mandibabi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone who is on Myspace is not mature enough to be married. It seems you need to take a break from relationships, and figure out why you keep picking guys who aren't faithful. He doesn't have to "physically" cheat to be unfaithful. A man who is ready to be married does not correspond with old girlfriends, and tell them what bar he is going to, and that he is still thinking of her. I know you think you can't take another broken heart, but that is exactly what you will get, if you marry someone like this guy.
2007-04-10 12:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is a fruit cake and is having trouble moving on from the past. Get real! He is looking back in the past and glorifying his old relationship and thinking about the good times. People tend to forget how bad things were in their relationship and they start fantisizing about how they could have been rather than how they really were. You know they start dreaming about fantastic lovemaking, how great the other person smelled, felt and the wonderful times they had and then forget the door slamming, screaming fits, calling each other bad names, insults, threats and all the crap that goes on before the relationship crashes. Sounds like he is doing the same. Maybe he needs some time to clear his head.
2007-04-10 12:49:28 · answer #5 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about this. Most people consider what he's doing "emotional" cheating. And it's usually just as devastating as physical cheating, sometimes even more so. He needs to understand how you feel about this. I don't know if you're over-reacting or not, but no, it's NOT COOL. I would seriously re-consider this relationship with him at this point.
He needs to cut off ALL COMMUNICATION with any ex-girlfriends, and he needs to do so now. That shows respect to you and to your relationship together. She has no business emailing him either, if she's already engaged to someone else.
2007-04-10 12:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you this is a serious offense. If you two are supposed to be getting married soon him talking to his ex about their relationship is a sign that he isnt quite over it yet. I know you probably love him dearly to be taking the plunge anyway but in order to protect your heart you should ask him where he wants to be. If he knows that you have had failed relationships in the past he should know that what he is doing is wrong. On the other hand if he wasnt hiding it maybe he feels comfortable letting you know that he has some unresolved feelings. Talk to him and find out what hes really feeling and then you'll know what to do.
2007-04-10 12:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by shanalsimon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't have to physically do something to cheat on a partner. You need to talk to him about this issue. You need to know if you are wasting your time or not. Better to find out the answer to the questions NOW than after you get married. Explain how you feel about the myspace issue. See if it makes a difference to him.
2007-04-10 12:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by ciberpunk1 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Girl you really gotta have a talk with him! Are they trying to rekindle an old romance? Both are engaged? Then why are they talking about their former love? Shouldn't they be concerned with the person they are engaged to? Or the feeling of their fiance? If they are so in love with they're fiance, then why are they even speaking? You have a problem . If he won't resolve this,get out fast!!!
2007-04-10 12:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by master_escrimador 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like he has anything to hide if he showed you. When you love someone you will always love them. He may regret losing her because it may have been for something stupid that caused the break up. Basically you need to make up your mind on how this affects you. If you do not like this type of behavior and feel its wrong then you need to talk to him. See what his feelings really are. Try to work it out. Sometimes talking to an old loved one helps you love what you have more now. Or helps you understand that you are in the wrong relationship. Just try to stay positive and work it out.
2007-04-10 12:45:51 · answer #10 · answered by Tim VP 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Good thing he is only your fiance and not your husband. Let him have his ex. You've been together 4 years with no commitment to a wedding date. That should have been a red flag already.
2007-04-10 14:14:36 · answer #11 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋