Ok how do i go about deraling with this sensitive yet very important issue I suspect her of being unfaithful at the supposed time of conception, i don't remember when we concieved because nine months prior to her delivery we were seperated for about 1&1/2 months but we patched things back upand then she told me a short while after that she was pregnant. i have to secretly do this DNA test because suppose I aam wrong that would destroy our marrage for my doubts and insecurity but if i am right well then i will be able to sleep at night.I once told her that i don't remember conception of this child and she was really hurt and said that it was my excuse to escape out of our marrage and my responsibility but no answers were given to my questions and I said i was sorry to hurt her and we are still together. I just need to know.
2007-04-10 05:36:29 · 24 answers · asked by rovin d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, so you've just admitted to the world that you basically don't trust your wife. You have (believe it or not) much bigger problems than your child's paternity here. Most marriages do not last long if husband and wife do not trust each other.
I'm not going to advise you one way or another on getting a paternity test, because you're right about 1 thing, if your wife EVER finds out, it will probably destroy your marriage. Just think CAREFULLY about the consequences of the knowledge. What if the test shows you're NOT the father of that child? What are your plans then? You need to carefully consider the ramifications here...BIG TIME.
I am going to advise you and your wife to start attending some form of marriage counseling. You guys have some pretty major issues that you need to work out, if you want to keep your family intact. Best of luck to you both, and that new baby.
2007-04-10 05:44:02 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you all were not together during the time of conception, I totally understand you wanting a DNA test.
Be there for the child now, so that you won't regret any time loss, if this in deed your child.
I would just explain to her that this is bothering me, and to have everything out in the clear and resolved, I want to make sure she is my biological child.
She could be playing that act on you about being so hurt that you want a paternity test, so that you will feel guilty enough not to go and get one. She probably knows that there is a possibility that you are not her father, and don't want that to be exposed.
I would go ahead and get the DNA test, so that you all can put this situation behind you all and move on without any lingering thoughts.
This child will probably need you whether you are her biological father or not.
2007-04-10 05:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Brown Eyez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really do NEED the sleep... It must be very hard to live with the doubt and suspicion and whether she would do it again. I don't think I could stand it and would need reassurance too.
She should be understanding and not be afraid of proving it to you, but this might take a bite out of your relationship if she has a problem with it, and you need helpful intervention from a counselor or someone who help you work through this in agreement.
You have to decide whether you can live with the intrigue or insist in your right to know. One thing is for sure, if she cares a whole lot about you she will do this for your sake and she can laugh all the way and even say, "I told you so!"
If she can't handle it, there may be more of what you suspect.
Here's wishing you courage. Go easy.
2007-04-10 05:52:25 · answer #3 · answered by forlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the cause for your suspicions, the important thing to think about here is the child. You need to clear this from your mind in order to have any kind of a relationship with her/him if this is your child. You can do it without her knowing if you think it will cause more harm than good at this point. A very easy thing to do is if you know the child's blood type and yours you can look at the probability of the child being yours. Then there are the home paternity tests that will not show up on insurance claims and such if you are worried about her finding it. there is no blood involved and they are very easy to do. Here is a web site that has information on both those things.
2007-04-10 05:55:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it turns out the baby isn't yours, are you going to leave your wife? Do you love this baby as your own? And you wouldn't necessarily remember the conception. You don't know you are pregnant for weeks after the fact so unless you didn't have sex with your wife at all, it is possible the baby is yours. Do you know for a fact that she was with anyone else while you were separated?
The only way to know for sure is a DNA test, but make sure you are ready for the worst possible answer and know what you will do about it.
2007-04-10 05:43:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear One I sympathise with you a great deal. It would have been easier to deal with if you had gotten a confession. Yet you would live forever in pain as long as you dont have a clear resolution of this very hurtful matter.
My advice, do the DNA test secretly. Above all you must pray fervently for help to come to you in resolving. If you are clean yourself, you will be helped by life experiences that will bring out the truth to everybody's surprise. But if you are also guilty of unfaithfulness, compell youself to endure. Tell yourself "i am also guilty" And ask for GOD'S forgiveness. The truth will come out one day soon. As for the child, accept that he is yours simply. I wish you well.
2007-04-10 05:52:43 · answer #6 · answered by olufemi52 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you need to know for sure then you need to tell her you need to know despite her hurt feelings, do not do it secretly. Tell her firmly it is not an excuse to escape out but that given the circumstances surrounding the time of conception your question is legitimate.
You say you love your wife, will it survive if the child is not yours? You may not know the answer until you know the results. Finding out will change your relationship either for the best or the worst....whatever the result. I wish you both strength to get through this.
2007-04-10 05:48:12 · answer #7 · answered by Kathy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to sneak and get the child tested, you could make arrangements prior, and take him/her to the doctor to "relieve" the wife for a few....
But, I wouldn't suggest it. I'd tell her how you feel and test the child. Ask her along. She broke the trust and is lucky you're still willing to work things out. This is part of her healing as well as yours...she needs to face the consequences of her actions.
I'm sure she'll know you're not trying to hurt her as a person, but it'll hurt both of you if you keep this in and don't find out for sure.
Good luck!
2007-04-10 07:07:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you were separated at the time of conception... or around the time... you have right to be concerned. If the child is not yours do you plan on a divorce???
That should answer your question as to whether you really want to do this or not...
In the event of a divorce you could ask for a DNA at that time.
What a decision to have to make
Good Luck
Gladiola Red
2007-04-10 05:45:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't say whether you love this child or not. Since you are still together why do you want to know now? The child needs a father and you know that your were apart near the time of conception. Think about the child and your wife. You are being very selfish and inconsiderate of them.
2007-04-10 05:44:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋