My oldest brother is married to a real temperamental woman. I have no personal problem with her but at the same time I realize she has some serious personality issues. She is also on antidepressants for her depression and anger. He won't buck her when she is being mean; only walks away and goes into his own little world to ignore the problem. Well, now she has asked for a divorce. He says its comfortable and he doesn't want to go through a divorce. It's as if he has forgotten what it feels like to be happy. And he is such a wonderful, funny, optimistic person... but not anymore. It's his cross to bear he says. I can't stand seeing him so miserable. Any words of wisdom I could give him?
2007-04-10 04:10:20 · 17 answers · asked by redlucky7 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
*She has asked for a divorce before then changed her mind. My thoughts are she likes his money..sad to say. It makes me want to cry.... : (
2007-04-10 04:20:22 · update #1
Yes, stay out of his marriage, or you will end up being the bad guy in his eyes and his wife's. We can't live our family's lives. I have come to realize this more than ever. Divorce is a horrible thing to go through and I don't blame him for not wanting to go through it. He handles her now the best way he can, through ignoring her bad behavior. Friends have gotten me in the middle of their marriages before and believe me it will always come back and bite you in the butt, you will be enemy before it is all said and done. I know you love your brother, but stay out of his personal life, unless he asks your opinion, don't say anything against his psycho wife. Just be there for him and support what ever decision he decides.
2007-04-10 04:24:49 · answer #1 · answered by jlynncogbill 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately it sounds like your brother knew what he was getting into (his wife being high maintenance)and he may completely right that this is his "cross to bear" on the other hand he may also be relieved that his marriage is ending and may possibly be feeling guilty that he is.
our whole family went through a similar situation with my brother and after about a year he was back to himself. i think the best advice would be to just be there for him, let him talk if he needs to and just let him know he's not alone during this trying time. he's going to be going through a lot of emotions until all this is over, just be his sister and friend and do things to take his mind off of it, ask him to go out for coffee with you, see a movie, etc. worst case scenario is that he'll become severly depressed (look up the signs of depression) and in that case you may have to do some damage control so that he's not permanently scarred by this awful woman.
i hope everything turns out all right.
2007-04-10 11:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by joshuasgirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, all men want to be happy. What is happening is he made a committment and plans to keep it. That is what men do even if it makes them unhappy. Women don't understand this because they cut and run at the first sign of trouble.
Talk to him and tell him it's ok to get divorced since she is the one asking. It's been so long he doesn't remember how nice it is with a good woman. Talk him into it if need be, it's for his best interest to find someone new.
2007-04-10 11:17:47 · answer #3 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Words for you as well. Like anyone else, he deserves to be happy. He has shut down his emotional receptors as a defense mechanism to his wife's behavior, but it has also closed him off to a life outside his current environment. He feels guilty on some level and feels he has to pay penance for who knows what. This is not his lot in life although if he chooses it there is little you can do. In as much as you can't stand him being so miserable, you need to convey to him that he is becoming a stranger to you, a person that you don't know any more. Tell him you want your brother back.
2007-04-10 11:23:26 · answer #4 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you love your brother but you should stand behind him no matter what he chooses. He loves her otherwise he wouldn't have married her. You should watch what you say about her to him because it could backfire on you and you could lose having your brother's trust and friendship. I have realized that some people stay in marriages because they are comfortable, whether they are happy or not. A lot of people are scared of changes. Just give your brother a big hug and tell him you will be there for him no matter what he decides to do.
2007-04-10 11:18:17 · answer #5 · answered by mother_of_a_princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the antidepressants are not doing the job there suppose to,she may need a different kind of Doctor if you know what I mean,and this might be a job for your parents and hers to discuss the issues at hand. Good luck!
2007-04-10 11:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your brother has problems setting boundaries. It's too late to fix his marriage: he has trained her that it's OK to treat him badly. You only get the respect you demand in a relationship (and you should accord your partner respect as well).
The thing is, his wife didn't suddenly change when they got married, so he didn't do a good job picking her out in the first place, or he married too quickly (before getting to really know her).
2007-04-10 12:08:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people feel that if they are good in their marriage and obey their vows no matter what the other spouse does to them, they are promised a spot in heaven. That isn't true. Some people feel if they take the abuse they will be forgiven of any sins. But it's not right for him to just take that abuse and be unhappy and he needs to move on and learn what happiness is a again.
2007-04-10 11:48:55 · answer #8 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your brother has at first seen only the good part of his wife. he expected that if he give her true love he will have the same in return. However, there are some persons that do not value true love and they have some mean nature that wants to ruin the happiness of others. Such persons usually find lover that are honest and cannot pretend. Such person is your borther. he is not used to such wicked games and he bear his destiny because it is from person that he still love.
it is very sad for him to see that the female he dreamed of and he wanted to give her the whole world, treat him in such way. he is a person that loves for a life and he feels that he has to bear his wife in the name of love.
His wife is a person of meanest kind. it is a person that wants to be loved truly and in return she gives hell. She do not faith in love and life and she want to break his heart and to torchure him because she has found that he is weak because he loves her.
it is cruel crime. it is a game of devil and there is not love. she plays with love because she is worst of females - the follower of the devil. she wants to sell his soul to the devil because she hates love. My honest opinion is that she is witch and she should be burnt in the center of your city. Also, it is permissable for your brother to beat such person and even to kill her.
2007-04-10 11:25:12 · answer #9 · answered by Suchness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knew the woman he was marrying before he married her.
He likes her the way she is with all of her imperfections. And that's why he doesn't want to get divorced.
Breaking up marriage often makes people more unhappy than they were before. And if you get involved and help to break up his marriage, then he may hold it against you later.
Let him make his own decisions in life.
2007-04-10 11:24:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋