How should I punish my husband?

Question

my husband said so many hurtful things over the years, mostly silly in a sarcastically jokingly way but the one that hurt the most was when the other day he said that:
"...YOUR POETRY IS NOT WORKING FOR YOU"

p.s. the sad part is if I remind him he will not even remember he said it :(

p.s. p.s. the strange thing is ... he doesn't even know I write poetry, and it would have no meaning to him. When he made that comment he was referring to my fluent and articulate way of speaking, English is my second language, maybe it scares him I am better at it?

Answer 1

There just words...why would you want to "Punish" your own husband? He may not be acting like an adult, but you married him and he is an adult...I am married to a man who also likes to abuse me mentally...IF I LET HIM....I have learned to not let it bother me, I don't give him the satisfaction of a a come back...he finally stopped, he wasn't getting any pleasure and then felt stupid since I was ignoring his comments....better to be thought a foolish man and say nothing, than open your mouth and and have everyone know for sure. Ive been married 29 years, I wish I'd thought of saying nothing years ago.....Don't stoop to his level by saying another stupid come back it just fuels his fire...

Answer 2

You are right. He is acknowledging that you are more articulate. Too bad for him that he doesn't appreciate it. You can only try to think about the good things you appreciate about him (I'm sure there are some) and tune him out when this kind of resentment shows through. You can't change the way you think and speak but most important of all, neither can he! He can never make words do what you make them do. Don't punish him for that. Just be justifiably hurt when he shows that it is a sore point. Then get over that hurt as quickly as you can.
I have had friends who were artists - never successful as people who had 'regular jobs' and sometimes not successful at all - and I have been tempted to say that their art was not working for them as livelihood. But art always seem to give personal satisfaction so be proud you have that verbal ability.

Answer 3

Yeah, I had this from my son's father. He was the type to actually change my perception of reality, if I'd let him. I don't know that you can punish anyone out of their abusive personality!
For instance, I was trying to sing a pop song hat was a little out of my range, a little too high.
He told me- "You can't F'in sing."
I was accepted to NYSSMA All-State and ACDA All-Eastern choirs for high school choral, under the direction fo a premier Northeastern choir director.
I'd say, "You really can sing, but that song is just not your song."
He denied that I had any talent at all.
And he's just like that.
He also told our son at the first soccer game that his now-wife ever attended- "Kick Dopey and say goodbye." I hope to god that this very compassionate school psychologist now-stepmother of my son pulled this man aside and threatened to I-don't-know-what if he ever did that again...
but our son still refers to her as Dopey now and again, and did so frequently for about two years after that day.
That is her official family nickname.
I'm venting.
Anyway, this is the same man who put me down with so-called jokes every chance he gets, who taught our son to do the same.
It's disgusting. I'm putting up with my ex's abuse through a child who knows no better and probably never will. No matter how hard I try to teach him that he's hurtful, not joking.
He just copies what he's seen all of his life.
So, if you don't have kids together, get rid of the guy so you won't have a son or daughter running around treating you the same!

Answer 4

he thinks he is being funny... or he is using humor to say something to you that he feels needs to be pointed out... and it is hurting your feelings instead of "enlightening" you.
If he is just being an insensitive cad and is really unaware about how his comments make you feel, then try this. It sounds corny, but it is really just an exercise to get you to speak up at the moment the comment is made so he can recognize his pattern of behavior and hopefully, change it!
You need to say , "when you say something like that, it makes me feel_____" each time he does it. Have him agree to apologize when you tell him your feelings, and possibly give you a hug.
Punishment or revenge is just playing games and has no part in a mature, loving relationship.

t-man you had better take notes here. this is how your wife is going to feel about your "joking around' in a few years. You have a chance here to empathize and maybe save your wife years of grief and maybe even your marriage!

Answer 5

How should you "punish" him? Wow, are you his mother? This will turn into a viscious cycle. I'm sure you have hurt him before and he has forgiven you.
Tell him the comment hurt you and then move on. Hanging on to resentment is a poison that is fatal to you alone.
If you spent more time thinking of ways to show him you love him instead of ways to punish him, he might not say all these hurtful things.

Answer 6

Punish him? He was just joking and being sarcastic. Both my partner and I are like that with eachother. It's actually a way of being affectionate. It's a personality thing.

As for him telling you that your poetry is not working for you, well maybe it's not. Plenty of people write bad poetry that makes my ears bleed. Perhaps there was a reason for his comment. Besides, if that's the worst he can throw at you, you haven't seen anything!

Answer 7

Simply tell him that he hurts your feelings when he says stupid stuff like that. Tell him it makes you feel like he doesn't even care about you. If he still says stuff like that, wait until there is something he is really interested in and make a comment about him being stupid for liking it. If he says something then tell him "see, now you know how I feel." If that doesn't work just put some Phillips Milk of Magnesia in his drink. (p.s. it's not like it's poison, it's just for constipation.) And at least you'll get a good laugh at seeing him run to the bathroom every 5 minutes.

Answer 8

'Punish' seems like a poor choice of words. If you love him, you should try to communicate with him. If he loves you, he won't want to hurt you.

If he won't remember what he said if you bring it up later, you need to address it right when it happens. When he says something hurtful, say "What you just said hurt my feelings, made me feel sad, makes me think you're belittling me, etc."

Then, talk it out with him. If he convinces you that he was 'just joking', don't hesitate to tell him, again, if he does it again, that it hurts you when he says something mean.

Answer 9

I`m not to sure you can punish him for something he`s not aware he`s even doing. Sarcasm hurts and until you make him realize what it is doing hurts you, he`ll keep on doing it. Give him some lessons on respect. I know for me that when I do it back to him....... He notices the cutdown. A taste of his own medicine might work for you too! Good Luck!

Answer 10

i don't see why you want to punish your husband he's not a child or is he? just talk to him and tell him even though he's saying it in a joking way it still hurts and to watch how he says things from now on.