An obsessive husband!!!!!?

Question

My husband is obbsessed with me. Literally! It's kind of scary. He says that he is just showing how much he loves me, but man, I dont know. He calls me all day every day. He gets upset when I talk to others. He is jealous of my relationship with my mom and sister. He refuses to help around the house. He practically sits on me while on the couch, he wants me in the bathroom with him while he's taking a bath, when he goes to sleep at night if im not tired he insists i lay next to him anyways. I cant leave his side. He hacked into my email and read everything (not like i had anything to hide). Goes through my cell phone. ect........ I do love him and all but im not in love with him. He makes it really hard to want to be with. but when i mention it, Oh Im sorry please forgive me what can i do to change stuff like that is what i hear all the time. help

Answer 1

Try saying "no" - tell him you're not tired and you don't like waiting for him to have a bath but you'll be there when he comes out. Tell him you need some space. And use those words - "You're suffocating me - back off!" And just ignore his apologies ec. Don't feel guilty - if he doesn't stop it you will stop loving him and does he want that?
As for the lying down next to him - no. He is not a baby! Even kids aren't allowed to monopolise your time like that! Use the same tactics - kiss him goodnight, tuck him up and put the light out! Before you go downstairs.
Start being more assertive. As for the email - I would go absolutely nuts. I have nothing to hide either, but I like a bit of privacy.

Answer 2

I don't know that he is obsessive as much as he is controlling. Think about the way your parents were when you were a child and then reflect on your life with him..notice anything?

I would guess his being controlling is because of his lack of self confidence. Even if you haven't done anything to make him mistrust you he still will be like that, its kind of his programming.

For him being controlling is his way of filling the void he has in the confidence department, he it literally making you love him thus filling both of his needs for control and self esteem.

As bad as I hate to tell you this, I doubt he will ever change, so you will be left with an option. Change your self or leave, and I don't think the leaving part is going to be that easy, or it wont be if he can help it anyway. Has he become abusive yet? Notice I said yet because in these cases it usually does happen, and most likely has happened in his past already. If he is how you say; he isn't going to let what is his leave that easily.

I wish you the best of luck, and be very careful. Make sure and take a second look at everything...

Answer 3

Hi! You and Your husband need to get help. He has some serious issues that could possible lead to physical abuse. If you haven't relized already he is abusing you mentally. If you are not in love with him why do you stay? If you are in Love with him you are in for a bumpy road ahead. You need to seek a quaified counselor so that your husband can work through his issues. Remember the problems stem from him, and you can not fix it for him. He has to be willing to get help. If you just can't take it anymore or if he is hitting you you need to leave NOW. Don't cave into his sorrys or please forgive me. He may truly be sorry for that moment but most likely he is more sorrry that he wont have you around any longer to walk all over. I also think that you should visit a counselor or trained professional because it is quite obvious that you are lacking in the self esteem area. He could have casued this or it could just be that you were always like this. Once you get your self esteem back you won't put up with the nonsense that he is dishing out. He will either straighten up or he will leave and seek out someone new he can abuse.
Good Luck
D and G Gifts Etc
www.dandggiftsetc.com

Answer 4

Oh man, I had one of those. Wasn't a husband, just a boyfriend, but still.

I ended up leaving. I couldn't take it anymore. It deteriorated from just being obsessed to him accusing me of things I wasn't doing, putting me down all the time, etc. It turned out he was not trustworthy. One bit. I've since learned that a classic sign of someone not being trustworthy is THEM not trusting YOU. They know all the hoops they go through to keep things away from you, so they become paranoid.

I'm not saying your man is cheating, but there's something going on... It's hard to make the call when it's a marriage, divorce is much more serious than a breakup, but I don't think this will ever stop. I think it will get worse and deteriorate to the point of ruining your life and self-esteem. Try to get help, maybe counseling or something. I hate counseling, but some people swear by it.

Oh, and hacking into your email and going through your cell phone are inexcusable, whether you've done something or not. He has violated your privacy, and it won't stop there.

Chin up, and good luck. I think you deserve better.

Answer 5

Why and how did you get hooked up with this obsessive man? It must have pleased you to begin with. Maybe it's become more serious and restrictive over time?

It sounds like you have been going along with all this for a while, and he needs to know what the boundaries are. It's up to you to say what you want and to lay down some rules. You can say 'Such and such behaviour is unacceptable....' and be clear about what you mean, specific.

You seem to be very tuned in to his moods, which you do not need to be. If he gets upset, really that is HIS business, not yours. If he needs to sleep, he should sleep. If you feel it is an invasion of privacy or dignity that he reads your mails etc, you must tell him.

Ultimately if you cannot bear it, you will leave, which must be a bad thought for him.

Going to counselling would help you and him to negotiate what is acceptable for you both.

Good lucl to you both.

Answer 6

So....you're failing here when it comes to driving the point home. This type of behavior goes beyond 'obsessive". its mother-jumping creepy. Can you imagine if you walked on him? He'd track you down and probably kill you.
Maybe not but do you think anyone would be surprised if he did?
He has to be told this conduct is not only unacceptable but bizarre. Trust seems to be lacking here. He doesn't trust you and I have no doubt you've never given him just cause to do so. In his mind I'll bet he can justify it though. I'd be curious. Ask him why he has no faith in you. If he denies it press the issue. He'll finally come around and be sincere. Then you have to start there and work your way forward.
It would be wise to also inform him that because there is no cause for this behavior you find it smothering. Smothering leads to suffocation. Suffocation leads to death...of a marriage.
So unless he wants the guilt of a homicide on his hands and considered solely at fault for the death of a relationship he needs to lighten up and act like a husband and not a jealous suitor.

Answer 7

Dear Lisa:

You said it yourself!. You are not in love with him. your husband is demonstrated actions that are not neither healthy or loving...but controlling. it seems to me he lacks self confidence and those issues can only be address by him and some professional help...mind you only if he really admits that there is a problem and truly wants to be helped. however I suggest you get out of that relationship rápido (meaning fast) ASAP. You must do something to stop that behavior. Be careful in doing so. Tell someone about it. Someone in your family or friends circle. Be careful how you end this relationship, since I feel it could get dangerous. He is too ill. You and I know that his actions are not proper. That is just one of the many sings of a controlling husband. if you continue expect for things to get worst. Eventually he will have you all to himself...and by the way don't be naive he's not going to change with out help. maybe he'll like to, but its a process that involves lots of help. LEAVE HIM INMEDIATELY!


God bless you,
Brenda C. from Patillas, PR
by the way keep in touch and let me know
at [e-mail]

Answer 8

It's hard for some people to accept the fact that they are Lovable you may be struggling with that

The truth is that Marriage is Work a constant negotiation to get what you want.

you made your choice now deal with it I can tell you are unhappy and possibly having second thoughts about your marriage

Normally when this happens it's because an old Lover has come back around to influence a person so maybe your husband sense that you are not happy and he is tryin to help you you need to give him some reassurance but you have to be sure first

Answer 9

He's not just obsessed, he's also possessive and controlling. Be careful how you talk about his behavior. He will want to frame it in positive terms, such as "loving" you so much. In practical terms, however, he is increasingly establishing control over you, and you are allowing him to do so. In my opinion, you have already relinquished more power to him than is healthy. For example, if you are not tired, you would do well to stop fulfilling his request to lie beside him. Don't be with him when he bathes, unless you really want to. Demand privacy, even if you don't have anything to hide -- hacking into your email and checking your cell phone are rude and disrespecting of good boundaries. Along with several answers above mine, I recommend you go into counseling together. It should be easy to get him to go -- just tell him it's going to be a male counselor and you're going to go see the guy alone if your husband won't go with you!

PS -- Don't trust Ash above. Anyone who IS a counselor knows how to spell counselor.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like he has a few trust issues. Maybe something has happened in your marriage to make him feel that way? If you both work alot, he may also feel as if he doesn't see you enough. That may be his calling out to you. I would on the other try to be as considerate as possible to his needs. He is your husband afterall. The trust issues he has may come from the fact that he is feeling pushed away by you. So therefore alot of negative thoughts may cross his mind. He may start to wonder if you have someone else maybe. Maybe you could show him some affection, sort of turn the tables. See how he reacts with that. Just think of it this way, aside from his trust issues....he loves you. He wouldn't even bother if he didn't. I wish you luck!