Hi Ya'll,
Last night I was talking to my husband just telling him how thing were different before marriage,that we had so much of romance and used to talk for a long time.But nowadays things have changed and we dont get time for each other.
So jokingly,i asked him about his affair before marriage,so he said he didn't have any!Then i asked him what about crush ,he said it was nothing like that ,that he did not get that kind of feelings for anyone.How is that possible???I mean any human being on this earth has hundreds of crushes.I just dont beleive him.Ours was an arranged marriage.I mean the reason i am asking you people this is because after that incident ,i am not able to trust him.I tried asking him earlier but he just said nothing!I think he did not have a good past affair or may be he just thinks that he should not tell me everything may be just because basically he doesn't trust me.Why is it that he wants to hide?I just wanted to ask out of curiosity but no answer from him?
2007-04-10 03:11:48 · 11 answers · asked by maple 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your fallacy is that you expect him to behave just as you did.
Just because you had hundreds of crushes is not an accurate predictor or valid reason to presume or assume that he did too.
So your assumptions and expectations that he behaves exactly like you do, or should will probably destroy your marriage.
Accept that he gives the answer he has given and has reasons for doing so.
Possible reasons are:
1. It's true.
2. He doesn't believe it to be in his best interest to expose previous crushes to you.
3. He wants to hide it for some reason that only he knows.
I think the bigger problem is that romance is no longer there. However, sitting back and waiting for him to turn up the romance is not a good solution. If you want romance with him, then start romancing him.
There is no reason why you cannot be the initiator when it comes to romance.
So start being romantic and stop assuming he is exactly like you.
2007-04-10 03:51:10 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just doesn't want to talk about it maybe he is really trying to make a go of this arranged marriage. After two people get married things do change because you now live in the same house and have shared responsibilities that you use to take care of and not bother each other with. I would say if you are unhappy talk to him about that and not about his past crushes or affairs it will just upset you if you knew anyway.
2007-04-10 10:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by Priceless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you find it necessary to know about his past? I wouldn't even bring it up as there is no point to it. And no, not everyone has "hundreds of crushes" so give your husband a break. Perhaps he was in love but was not able to marry her as he was already given to an arranged marriage. Is that what you want to hear? Let the past go. All that matters is today. Live in the present - it's a gift freely given each day.
2007-04-10 10:30:33 · answer #3 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's entirely possible that he had a crush on a girl a long time ago, and got his heart broken very badly. So he probably doesn't want to talk about it. And maybe after that happened, he locked his heart away and didn't want to give it to anyone else, even in the form of a crush, because it might have caused him more pain.
Don't push him about it. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it. Just accept that you have learnt a new rule about marriage - what happened before he met you doesn't matter anymore.
2007-04-10 10:17:08 · answer #4 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear.....why even bring it up? have things in your relationship deteriorated to the point that this is the only topic of conversation you're left to discuss? Why pray tell would you even give a rat's patootie about his past romantic endeavors?
This can only lead to arguments. You manage to find the time with one another. Maybe not every night or every week but by God...make a day for yourselves and go somewhere. Or not. Stay home and eat, sip wine and screw around like bunny rabbits. Its very simple to do. You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel.
Pin him down to a date and hold firm. You'll thank me for this later.
2007-04-10 10:37:06 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says he's hiding anything? Do you KNOW every human being on earth? Have you ASKED every human being on earth about crushes... Is that how you know "Every" human has had "hundreds"???
I didn't have "hundreds" of crushes. I wasn't that interested in relationships, so I didn't bother with them.
You can't trust him because he didn't give you the answers YOU think he should have?
Man! I feel sorry for him!!! Hope he can get out of that marriage soon. I can't imagine being married to an egotistical know-it-all, it must be hell for him.
2007-04-10 10:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would change if you knew the truth? I think you are just created a problem that doesn't need to be there. Don't ever ask a man a question that you really don't want the answer to. Questions about the past, don't ever need to be asked.
2007-04-10 10:21:47 · answer #7 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best things said are those unsaid when it comes to something like this.. You should just take your marriage as he loves you and you only, because when you go poking around in the past them dirty old skeletons start coming out.. They will hurt your heart..
2007-04-10 10:17:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your husband so I don't know if he's lying or not, but it is possible that he's telling the truth. Do you have a guilty conscience that is making you suspicious?
2007-04-10 10:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ching chow ting!
2007-04-10 10:15:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋