If you beat the **** out of me right now... I would be happy. If I were to get sick and come down with the flu right now... I would be happy. If I were to get trashed and then have a hangover so bad the next day that I am vomiting stomach acid and feel deathly ill... I would feel happy. I would feel happy because I feel like that is what I deserve. I push anyone who tries to help me out of my life and I don't know why. I try to stop it but i just can't, and at the end of the night it just leaves me lonely and in so much pain I am crying myself to sleep. Can someone explain this for me? Why do I do this?
2007-04-08 20:00:56 · 4 answers · asked by ssmith 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
OK, let's start by acknowledging that if there are any good ideas in this post then you will ignore them. I know that, you know that, so let's just relax and move on.
Next, let's deal with "I try to stop it."
Suppose you are standing in the middle of the road and I shout at you: "Don't stand there!" Where will you move to (if you move at all)?
Anywhere - right? Because you don't know where I want you to move TO. Only that I want you to move.
Now suppose you're standing in the middle of the road and I shout at you: "Come over here, on the sidewalk!" Where will you move to (if you move at all)?
Well, you still have a choice, of course, but at least you know exactly where I want you to move to.
Now look at your situation:
"I try to stop" leaves you with no goal whatsoever. If you did stop, where would that leave you? You've stopped doing what (you say) you usually do - but you have nothing to put in its place. That can be pretty scary!
The question is not what do you want to stop, but WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO INSTEAD?
When you decide what you DO want you have something to aim for. And you can plan how you're going to get it.
As to whether you deserve a life of martyrdom, only you can know why you deserve it, or whether it is justified at all.
A surprising number get into a similar situation more out of habit than for any logically sound reason.
Maybe they did do something they thought was wrong, and they were punished for it. Where it all went wrong was that whilst they were taking the consequences of what they had done they also got a feeling of satisfaction or rightness.
This other feeling may have been from something else going on at the same time, or it might be a misinterpretation of the situation, like someone who was important to you telling you how good you are, or how happy you look, at the same time that you're feeling really bad (guilty, worried or whatever).
Anyway the two emotions could have gotten intertwined so that it FELT like being suffering was a good thing.
So maybe - and this is all pure supposition, of course - the next time you felt bad in some way you remembered the feelings from that previous occasion, so once again feeling bad feels good.
It may sound strange, but it can be quite comforting - "If I have to suffer, at least I can feel good about it!"
Of course if this were true for you then it would mean that you arent quite a helpless martyr - you're simply choosing to stay within your "comfort zone".
Or seen from the other direction: Isn't it great that you can develop goals and start moving towards them any time you want. BUT only as fast as you feel comfortable with making that decision - now you are thinking about it.
2007-04-08 21:23:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Victoria, I am sorry to hear that there is a bit of disrespect in your house---but a 33 year old will never move out if mom is dottering and spoiling him---why should he go?? trouble is he will never learn how to peacefully co-exist with a woman on a mature level...what a shame. You are also witnessing a bit of crude disrespectful behavior that comes from being family and living together all these years. To an outsider this all sounds terrible--to you and your brother it is just day to day living. So say no if you have to--he won't explode or turn blue. Relax, be cool, be nice, and good luck-----SMILE
2016-05-20 22:06:25 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone who lives in constant pain, I would gladly give my pain to you if I could, since you seem to enjoy it. You don't deserve to be in pain physically or emotionally. It sounds like you need to forgive yourself for whatever is making you feel this way. You are worthy of a happy, fulfilled life. I think you should seek counseling to figure out why you feel you deserve such punishment and pain. I wish I could say something to make you believe that you are special because you are a child of God, but I think you need someone to help you figure out where these feelings of self loathing came from. Each day you wake up is a new beginning, the past is gone forever and tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so try to live this day feeling like a valid, worthy human being. Please get some counseling, I hate to see anyone feel like this about themselves.
2007-04-08 22:44:02 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its because you prefer to have the pity and attention with feeling bad than no attention at all when you're normal.
2007-04-09 05:07:56 · answer #4 · answered by coolcash2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋