the same husband and wife differences and clashes for financial security and love?

Question

Me and my husband quarreled last week.I told my parents about this. They told they will solve this. So, they called my husband 2 days before and they tried to solved it. I told them that my husband never gives times to me. He is always busy with something or the other. He does not take care of me and i told my parents that i need some time to think over this matter, but yesterday they threathened me. My father told me that i should go back and live with my husband otherwise my father will kill himself and mother is also supporting my husband only. They told me to give him a chance. so i went back yesterday, but he has not changed. he is the same as before. so please advice me on this issue. I want to be a good mother. so i went back to my husband's house. please help me??? I promised my parents that i will never fight with my husband nor try to kill myself which i had done before. I cannot live like this. I do not understand how to handle it. Please help??? Give me some good suggestion

Answer 1

0h sweetie, no man on earth is worth killing ure self over !!!
What I would suggest it, try reasoning with him, put all the cards on the table and tell him that the way u two are leading ure life right now makes u miserable and that u will not tolerate it any longer !!! People can not change over night as u know, but if he promises to change, give him some time to adjust and see if he is making any progress in doing so.
But if it happens that he is not interested in changing his behavior then sweetie u should move on for ure own good !
If it comes to that, and u decide to separate, I know it will be hard for u and ure parents, but it's for the better. And try explaining to ure parents that u are not happy with him and ure life at this point, and that it's not them who has to go trough this but you, ask them: do they rather want to see they're daughter happy or miserable or even dead ???!!!
And as far as ure father saying that he will kill himself, I doubt it, they just wanted to scare u, so u would go back and in they're opinion save them from shame !
However it's NOT shameful to have the courage to stand up for ure self and try to fix whatever is broken and if it doesn't work just walk away rather then making it even worse, but it's shameful to just do nothing about it and live miserable and then wanting to kill ure self because of it !!!

Well I hope it all works out for u, and u make the right decision for ure self, God be with you !!!

P.S. Plz don't try to attempt killing ure self any more, 1st of u are not allowed to do so, 2nd u are worth living and don't let anyone or anything make u think differently about that !!!
You should also look for spiritual guidance and some professional help for ure suicidal behavior ! Take Care, Bye !



♦*♦ Beware 0f The Gypsy Curses ♦*♦

Answer 2

If a person doesn’t change then change yourself. This is the best & only solution for your case. Your parents don’t want to interfere in your married life; I say they are one of the most intelligent parents otherwise 50% of the home breaking/marriage breaking is only because of the parents of the couples. As far marriage counselors are concerned they will just charge you huge fee & your matter will remain as it was. Now the best solution for you is to either take up a job if you are capable, skilled & interested, or start some social work through some social cause’s society like teaching work etc. This will consume most of your time & you will not think all the time why your husband is not giving you time or money as you expected. You must have heard this famous saying "empty mind is evils workshop" so once you are occupied in some job or work this issue will get sorted out itself & you’ll take things lightly there after.

Answer 3

Love is not to die for so killing oneself is not a solution. Also, your father's threat to kill himself is emotional blackmail and manipulation. If that is what you have lived with no wonder you made a poor choice for a husband. You are married your problems with your husband are your problems you do not discuss them with your family or his and they do not solve them for you. Presumably you are an adult and it is time for you to take responsibility for your own relationship. If your husband ignores you and is not supportive you need to contact a family counsellors and get some concrete help. If you cannot get him to attend those therapy sessions go alone and get some help with self esteem. Perhaps you will have to leave but if so prepare yourself so that you do not return home to parents that do not support your decision. Good luck there is a way out and you will do well.

Answer 4

Yours is the plight of a typical Indian woman. In India, a woman needs the support of either the parents or the husband. If you are educated enough to understand the world and face the situations and economically empowered, you can afford to take an independent decision. Since, your parents are not in a position, they want you to compromise with your hubby. In any case, I would advise you to give the life some more chance, before coming to a conclusion.

Answer 5

As a good friend and well wisher I can give you the suggestion that the problem after marriage do persit but the best couple is to overcome the same. Hence, be a good wife and start the following and apply to buy the mentiona as well as family peace:-

1) Be cool and calm

2) Offer a glass of water when your husband return back to
house

3) Ask him how was the day

4) Offer him tea and sancks when he returns back to house.

5) Be polite and let your husband feel that he is not being
dictated.

6) Be honest and offer your husband for evening drive

7) Since I feel that you are Indian, it is always that father and
mother wants their children to remain with her husband
and accordingly they have done so.

8) Avoid to leak any differences to others including your
mother and father try to sort it out with your husband.
Once it is out of your bed room definately your husband
shall get erritation. Do not repeat again.

9) Prepare good food of the choice of your husband to
reduce the heat of your husband's brain

10) Go for brain washing and share the problems of your
husband.

11) Let your husband feel that your are the best friend of your
husband

12) Let your husband that you always obey his orders
whether wrong or right but if he is wrong it can be pointed
out very politly.

13) Do not charge your husband for any mistake or things
through wich you get irritation but to be informed in a very
polite manner

If you apply the above I feel there will not be any difficulties in patching up the present problem.

As regard money do not press him simply putforward a list of thing to be brought by him when he returns back from office and another list of expenses and payments to be made by you for houshold and other matters.

Answer 6

Your Parents are logical and sensible!! You are not - you got 2 options:

1. Got to a Counsellor/Therapist and find the root of the problem (the very fact of you attempting to suicide shows you are at fault) and get it rectified. Its really hard to maintain a relationship but easy to break one. My advice to you would be to try your best to go to a counsellor along with your Hubby.

2. The second other option would be to go to a nearest police station and file a Dowery Harassment (498A), Domestic Violence, Marital Rape Cases against your husband and his folks - to entitel to a free of cost service provided by the Govt of India to break marriages, extort and fill your bank account with enough money for a life time and excuted by the Police and supported by a lot of Arrogant Fanatic Feminists Terrorists inclusive of many here all out to destroy innocent women's lives and familys which they do not have and do not have the feninine charecters and yet call themselves feminists!!

Answer 7

Normally husbands aviod quarrel. Normally males are hard workers. I am 51. I aviod quarrel. I need homely tasty food. If I desired, I can give any money to wife. When I am avoided, I avoid her. If you want full support, finance, money, love, assitance from him, simple listen and given him desired food.
Jeeyo and jeene do. Manchaha karo and manchaha karne do. You are not bad. Your husband may be bad but you can change bad to good. Handle with care. On any 1 day in any week, say to him: Today is your day, I will listen., cook for you and he will never fight in day. He will fight only in night. Have you read news of conflit between Govt. and Court? Respect other and win. Tell me result of next fight, if any

Answer 8

My dear, If you force for something it will only repell you.He is busy working for you and and give you a secured future.This is the age when he can afford to work harder.Try to understand him and support him and you will see a change in him.Try to understand to live this life comfortable to live in takes to earn MONEY and to make love be involved with it you cant afford to fight to fight with him and expect him to be good.As far as your domestic matter is concerned try not to involve your parents because that offends husband more.
Try to change yourself with lil more understanding and love and gradually he will also.YOU CAN DO IT !!!

Answer 9

Marriage counseling and a therapist for you on the side for you. You might just need someone to hear what you have to say and where you can let how you feel out w/o worry of what family will say . Good Luck!

Answer 10

forcing your self to live with someone will not prove you as a good mother..what are you teaching to kids? just take the crap and live with it?
Comming from an Indian family, I understand the concept of marriage...D word is should never be bought up, as it brings shame and blah blah....
From my view, you need to talk to your husband regarding this issue, and if you have kids involve think every step over.... he needs to understand that you have needs and you need time as well...but I knows some friends, who are in same boat as you are..and they are just taking it in, and not doing anything of it.....
All in all, TALK, COMMUNICATE....