My husband is threatening divorce if I have an abortion. What happened to "for better or worse"?

Question

I'm 27 and have been married for 3 years. We both have very well paid jobs and would be able to give any child the best of everything. Problem is I don't like children, never have never will and my husband knew that from the start. He told me he was more than willing to give up having children if it meant spending the rest of his life with me. We’ve taken every precaution possible short of doing something permanent which my doctor said was out of the question given my age and the fact that I haven’t had children, to make sure we don't get pregnant but here I am 6 weeks pregnant. I don't want this baby. It’s going to ruin everything, all my hopes and dreams for the future going down the drain. I feel like I'm being punished. He told me that me aborting would be the one thing he would never be able to get past since he considers this baby a miracle given that it was conceived against all odds. What happened to for better or worse? My parents and my best friend who's been trying to conceive for the last 5 years think I'm being incredibly selfish, but they're not the ones who'll have to deal with a screaming baby when it arrives. Adoption is out of the question because my husband refuses to let someone else raise his child when he’s perfectly capable of doing so himself. Having the baby, divorcing him and letting him raise it is out of the question for me because of the way everyone including my friends and family will look at me for abandoning my child when I never wanted it in the first place. Why can't anyone accept my decision? Why should I have to lose everything because of a baby I never wanted in the first place?

Answer 1

Honestly, if you didn't want to have a baby.. maybe you should have been a LITTLE more careful in preventing the pregnancy from occuring.

You are now pregnant. You are pregnant for a reason. God made that happen and you can't just get rid of the baby just like that. It is a live being. You ARE selfish if you kill it. It's WRONG.

If he is going to divorce you over this, then he's not worth it.

Someone else will come along and APPRECIATE what God has given you... a child.

Answer 2

You must feel that you are between a rock and a hard place! I do not think you are being selfish, just honest about how you feel. My advise would be to open your heart and mind to having this baby on the condition that your husband has a vasectomy once the baby is born. I can tell you that you will probably feel differently towards your own child than you do towards other people's - my husband is living proof of this as he can't stand other people's kids. If your husband and parents are fully invested in raising a child and finance is not an issue, having a baby will probably be a lot less punishing than you think. However, if you believe that you will get little real support and that you will be the one making all the sacrifices and dealing with everything then you may well end up resenting the baby and that is totally unfair to the baby. I would also point out that there is a big difference between having one child and having more than one child! Other people can cope with one child (or one extra child) and grandparents and other parents of single children with "love to have them", but more than one and you can forget it!

Answer 3

I have to admire how strong you are at admitting that you do not want this baby. Many may think that you are a bad person for admitting it but you are actually doing this baby a favor by not being his/her mother. Not every woman is a good mother...and thank the Lord that he gave you enough sense to know that you will not give the best of you to this child. I would hate to see this child come into this world and have the resentment of the person whom is supposed to love him/her the most. If your husband feels very strongly about keeping this baby there is nothing that you can say that will change his mind, you will loose him either way. It is really a very personal decision. You see I believe that if you take a life you will be judged for it, personally I am too chicken to find out if I am wrong. I believe that we should take responsibility for our actions. You sound like you are a very educated person therefore you must have known that the only sure way of not getting pregnant was not to have sex. Every other method still has the 1% chance of getting pregnant. Whatever your decision is I hope that you consider all of your possibilities. (such as adoption, your husband, your family)Who knows maybe in the future you will want someone to love, someone who's love is unconditional.

Answer 4

You are unbelievably selfish. If your doctor told you that getting your tubes tied wasn't an option, you need to find a new doctor!! It doesn't matter how much you think you don't want this child.....if you have an abortion, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me.....I had one when I was 21. In the years that followed I came to believe that I would never have children because I didn't deserve such a blessing in my life. I know God must've forgiven me because when I was 30, I learned I was pregnant. My daughter is now 15 months old and she is the greatest miracle in my life. I never get to sleep in, I'm still carrying some baby weight, and sometimes I think I could forget my own name.............and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
If you love your husband...TRULY love him, then you should care about his happiness. If that means having the baby for him and then leaving the picture, that's what you should do. I am shocked that you say your only option is abortion because you can't handle others having a negative opinion about you if you leave your baby and husband. I can guarantee that opinion will be more negative if you choose to have this abortion.
I'm going to try to appeal to your selfishness....How can you cheat yourself out of knowing the greatest love there is on this earth? Even people who always loved children will tell you that it's different when it's your own child. If you can look at that baby and know that you were not meant to be a parent, then sign over your rights and move on. But what if you look into those eyes and your whole world changes? If you have an abortion, you will always ask yourself "what if?"

Answer 5

i can't believe you've been married for three years and you never knew where each person stood on such a big issue as abortion! Yeah...its pretty much a deal breaker. How can you expect someone that's had a miracle bestowed upon them to want to kill it? I realize its not what you wanted,but you can't always get what you want.there have been plenty of teenage girls that found themselves in your situation only they were unwed and still in school,and yet,they found a way to put that child first and raise them. I am surprised someone so self-centered as you even found a husband. No he wouldn't and shouldn't ever forgive you if you kill the baby that's half his and guess what...i believe there are laws against being able to have an abortion without your husband's consent as its half his. He should leave you and count himself lucky to get away from you. I hope you don't murder your child,but i do hope that as soon as you have it,you put it in his arms and walk away. this baby sounds like it'd be just fine with its dad. Oh and here's a quote from Mother Teresa"It is a poverty that a child must die just so a person can live their life as they choose."

Answer 6

You are very selfish and if I were him i'd divorce you, too! After all, it is his baby, too!!! No matter what you do everyone is going to look down on you for your decision. Why would you kill an innocent child because of your stupid ways? You can still have a career with a baby. Hire a nanny if it's that big a deal. I personally hate abortion and all it stands for. Sex leads to pregnancy and everyone knows it. You shouldn't have the right to kill your mistakes just because it would damper your life style. That baby is inside you for a reason. God wanted it there. Your husband made a huge sacrifice by marrying you under those terms, but it happened unexpectedly and things are different now. If you kill his baby you will kill a part of him forever. Do you love him? If you did you'd bend a little bit. This is a life, not some stupid belonging. It's a child wehter you like it or not. He is your husband, and he is the father of your baby. Respect him enough to give him this wonderful piece of joy. I never wanted kids, but I have 2 and am a single mom. I love my kids with all my heart and wouldn't give them back for the world. Maybe you'll change. Pregnancy does that. Whatever decision you make everyone is going to look down on you for it. And you will lose your husband if you kill HIS baby. He has a right because it is a part of him as well. Stop being so selfish and think of the big picture here. It's not just your decision, and abortion isn't the only way out of this situation. You have gone to far now and everyone knows. It's to late. Sounds like everyone wants this baby exept you. Get over it and do the best thing by giving birth to your baby. It's only 9 months; not that big of a sacrifice for another human!!!!!!!!! Just stop being so............. selfish and inconsiderate!!!! Get over yourself. Children and babies are great! And they don't just scream all the time. They cry to let you know what their needs are. (diaper, bottle, etc.) They sleep most of the time. You need to find out why you have a hatred for the most wonderful thing in life. Have your baby and give it to your husband. He'll appreciate you for that much, And you'll completely lose him for life if you kill his baby!!!!!!!! For better or worse... means not being completely selfish. What about your child and husband? When the baby is your own flesh and blood it's different and life and your opinions change. Give it a chance and you'll see. You'll love your baby more than life itself. It's a miracle that you created and grows inside you!

Answer 7

Even though you tried in every way not to become pregnant, you did. Your baby did not ask you or anyone to be brought to this world. This baby deserves a chance to live. Don't be the one to take away the right to live. You say you and your husband have good jobs and would be able to raise this child, what are you afraid of? A baby is a gift from from "God" don't do anything that you might regret in the future. I know having a baby will mean lots of taking care and getting up for early morning feedings,changing diapers and many more things but, it is also a blessing to have one. Don't make a mistake that you will later regret.Talk it over with your husband because it is nobodies decision but yours and your husbands. But I am telling you from the heart, don't think about abortion because in the future you might want to have a baby and you might not be able to conceive because of the decision that you are taking now. Having a baby is the most beautiful thing that can happen to a woman. Feeling their first kick, feeling and hearing their heart beating inside of you,buying baby accessories for his or her home coming. It is just to much that a baby could bring to your life. Think before you make that decision, and may "God" or one of his "Angels" be on your shoulder when you take that decision.

Answer 8

They are going to look at you the same way for aborting it that they do for abandoning it. It's not the kids fault it's here. I understand you feel like its the end of the world, however, it might actually be the beginning of a new one. You MIGHT feel differently once the baby gets here and you meet it, face to face.

Maybe you could make an agreement with your husband that you will carry and keep the child, but he has to be willing to do the work of caring for it, since that is what your issue with it is. If he takes responsibility for that, it would leave you free to continue doing all the things you think your going to miss out on.

Answer 9

You are selfish. You are willing to kill a child because you don't want it.And don't want someone else to have it. Your husband should take the baby and leave you and find another woman to raise his child with since this will mess up your hopes and dreams. God you are sad. You didn't take enough precautions or else the kids wouldn't be living and growing inside of you. How could you hate something that bring you so much joy? I 'm glad your parents didn't have this discussion when you was conceived.

Answer 10

your body your choice. who cares what anyone else thinks. if your friends want to judge you they are not good friends. if you haven't told them you are pregnant then keep it that way. none their business. you can give your husband the miracle he wants but to stay with him and try to raise a child without love is not fair to baby, you or hubby. not everyone is cut out to be a parent. period.
either give him the baby and divorce or have an abortion. if you give him the baby you will still be financially responsible to pay should he request support.
you could also tell him the time is not right and there may be a time you change your mind but for now you just won't have it. and if he threatens divorce then i think hes not the one for you anyway.

your friends who have been trying to conceive would probably love to adopt your child and your husband can be a part of his/her life.

kids don't turn out so well when they know they are not loved by their parents and never wanted.
since he really wants this baby and it is his too i would think that having the baby and divorcing him let him have sole custody would be the thing to do.

Answer 11

It's not just your decision. It's HIS child too. I am so sick of women saying it's my body my decision. No that baby is part of him too and he should have say in the decision. Your friends are right you are being selfish. You say you have never liked children it's TOTALLY different when that child is your flesh and blood. You feel like you are being punished and an abortion would be punishing your husband and child. What happened to for better or for worse? Why should your husband and that baby lose everything because you only care about yourself?