My husband is threatening divorce if I have an abortion.What happened to "for better ot worse"?

Question

I'm 27 and have been married for 3 years.We both have very well paid jobs and would be able to give any child the best of everything.Problem is I don't like children and my husband knew that from the start.He told me he was more than willing to give up having children if it meant spending the rest of his life with me.We've taken every precaution possible to make sure we don't get pregant but here I am 6 weeks pregnant.I don't want this baby.It's going to ruin everything,all my hopes and dreams for the future going down the drain.I feel like I'm being punished.He told me that me aborting would be the one thing he would never be able to get past since he considers this baby a miracle.What happened to for better or worse?My parents and my best friend who's been trying to conceive for the last 5 years think I'm being incredibly selfish,but they're not the ones who'll have to deal with a screaming baby when it arrives.Why can't anyone accept my decision?

Answer 1

Ok i admit he should not have said he accepts your decision when he dont but your a selfish b.i.t.c.h. who wants to murder a child just because you feel he/she will ruin your pathetic excuse for an existence, I think you and your husband should divorce,you should give birth so as not to be a murderer and sign your right for your child away. Either way the kid made no mistakes so the death penalty for the little one is not right.

Answer 2

I am also a married "career-oriented" woman who has decided she does not want to have children, so I understand your feelings completely. I am also married to a man who said that he was fine with not having kids... and then later, felt differently. However, we've never been in your position because I've never gotten pregnant. I just mention this because there seem to be a lot of women here who are judging you for not wanting kids in the first place... and that's not the issue.

So here are your choices - yours and your husband's because it is his child, too. You two could 1) have an abortion 2) have the child and raise him or her as your own or 3) give the child up for adoption. Those are really your only three choices.

Whatever you do, you and your husband need to make this decision TOGETHER. Please talk to a counselor about this difficult decision. Talk to other people like family or clergy or if you need to. Perhaps you should also specifically talk to other women who did not want children and then got pregnant - and see what they did. I'm sure you're not the first person that this has happened to.

You both have to find a compromise that will respect everyone's feelings involved as much as possible. As a responsible adult, one of the risks that you take when you have sex, even with birth control, is that you might get pregnant. It is no one's fault that you are pregnant. But now that you are in this position, you have to be mature about this, and you and your husband have to make a rational decision.

And by the way, whatever birth control method you were using... I would recommend taking another look at it, and using TWO next time, like a friend of mine does since she cannot get pregnant due to a serious health condition.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow,

Can I just say your whole story mirrors exactly what I have been through! I am 28 married for 3 and some years and hubby always wanted a baby (since day one) we both have great jobs and we argued constantly about having a baby. I wasnt READY! and he knew this the day we married, I was NEVER keen on children. I did tell him also if I had an abortion it would be because he is pushing me into a pregnancy I dont want. He basically said he could not be with me anymore if I did that, he would leave! I was shocked but, I knew this would have literally killed him.

I had always felt that we were a family without children (a huge misconception that you marry for children) short answer! HELL NO.... I married to be with the man I love. The only person who can make this decision for YOU is YOU, and in a way it is selfish but it is also TRUTHFUL! at the moment preasure from other people only makes you more adamant to NOT keep the baby. Dont do it out of spite or anger or even to prove a point (like I sometimes do, Im stuborn to a faullt) as you will surely regret it.

I did alot of soul searching what would I lose if I had a child, what would I gain and is it ALL worth it, is he worth it? Can I live with the knowledge of abortion? What am I REALLY AFRAID of? Only you can know what is most important to you and ABOVE ALL make that decision for you! NOT HIM, NOT THEM - YOU

Thats probably most important. I eventually decided to get pregnant even the month it would happen (to hubbys sheer delight) but it was ultimately my decision. Take a moment think of your options and inform those giving advice that you wish for them to stop medling and if they cared for you to support your decision.

Communication is 'key' when it come to discussing what your feeling with your husband... NEVER stop talking, he will need your support as much as you do. Know that a man that is that dedicated to his child is a rareity indeed, as my husband sure is and his support has been invaluable...and that you will not be alone in caring for this baby.

I have made my husband hugely accountable, I will return to work and he will care for the baby! I will also express milk so he feed our baby when I need a break, we will alternate care and he will have weeks of parental leave where it will be just him and our baby.... these are just some agreements we have and some things you both could think about. Journaling has also helped eleviate fears and tensions but, above all understand each other and discuss both sides it is a huge decision...take your time...GOOD LUCK and ALL THE BEST with what ever you decide!

Answer 4

While I do understand your worries about having children, you have to remember that both of you made this baby. It is a part of both of you, so your husbands feelings should also be taken into consideration.Yes, it's your body, but the baby is both of yours. Have you ever stopped to think a baby is more than just a crying thing that keeps you up all night? What about the fact that it is a little human being with feelings and it just may change your life forever in a good way. Babies are precious, innocent miracles that are made from the love of 2 people. I think that if you would just think a while, or feel it move inside of you, you may change your feelings. I can't imagine not loving a baby or a child. I'm not putting you down but some kind of compromise has to be reached between you and your husband. I can't blame your best friend for feeling like she does because she so desperately wants a child and you are pregnant and willing to just get rid of it. I'm sure she feels hurt that you were the one blessed with pregnancy and not her. I wish you luck and hope you will make the right decision for now and your future.

Answer 5

I think deep down you want this child but you are afraid ,it is frightening, it is such a huge responsibility.But now its time to discuss this is as a serious issue.This is a matter of an innocent babies survival,it is not just about you . If you think this child will spoil everything you are wrong.Think of the consequences of having an abortion espeacially against your husbands wishes , 1.You will be killing his child, 2. You will lose him and your Marriage. 3, Your family will be aghast at your behavior.4.Think ahead to next year when you would have been bringing this child into the world.5. You would have to live with a deep guilt and regret, for what could have been.6. Have the sense to realize this child is a gift of the most precious kind.7. There are thousands of couples who would give anything to be in your situation.8. Try and think in a positive way, yes a child would change your life ,but it won't destroy it .It will add another aspect to your life.9.You are not alone in your fears women all over the world have been through this and survived.10.You will ruin your life if you don't have this ONE child.You could continue with your career after the baby is born .You are entitled to maternity leave and if your husbands salary is as good as you say it is, then his salary can support you both and baby till you go back to work.Perhaps your friend could be Godmother and Nanny to your child, however you may suprise yourself and want to look after baby yourself.Imagine if it was the other way round how would you feel ,if it was you wanting the child and your Husband opposing it.Think about this new sucessful life with your Husband ,baby and all of your family.This child will be someones son/ daughter/ neice/ nephew/ cousin/ best friend/grandchild.This child is aware of his /her life, send loving thoughts not fear and pain.This child will suffer pain if you abort him /her.

Answer 6

as far as im concerned abortion is always the wrong choice, especially this far in the baby's development. youve got a child inside you, but the child isnt an extension of you...its another human being!

if you didnt want the baby in the first place you shouldnt have run the risk of having one, or you should have got some operation done to make you infertile or something...
but thats beside the point now...

the point is, you are responsible for the baby and an abortion would mean killing the baby...can you really live with?

A baby is a wonderful thing...its part of the family now! In my opinion you should deal with the facts and just accept it...look at the pros not the cons...

what do you care about most, your family and relationship with your husband or the time the baby will take up or any sacrifice you may have to make?

it would be a selfish act indeed to take someones life away to be able to pursue a career or to avoid all the work it entails...especially when youre responsible for bringing the baby into existence...

think about it, be responsible, you arent a bad person for having doubts or being scared about this decision but make sure you make the right choice...

take care!
cheers...

Answer 7

I respect the fact that you admit that you don't like children. Is it that you don't connect with kids or are you simply not maternal? First of all, babies don't "ruin" peoples lives, and they truly are miracles. A baby cannot choose it's parents. If you really, really, did not want to ever have children, then sadly enough you chose the wrong "precautions". And because of this mistake you now want to use a different form of birth control.

There needs to be a compromise between you and your husband. You are supposed to be a team. If your husband wants the baby then you two will never get past it. You are dealing with a moral issue which is never easy. I'm thinking by you're "better or worse" comment that it only applies to you're husband. Good Luck.

Answer 8

I was totally against having children myself, until I had them. it changed my life for the better. I couldn't imagine a more empty life than not having them now. I guess the law of the land and the common belief is that "choice" is more important than anything else in the world. I suppose even your husband can't actually stop you from getting an abortion, but there are options. You wouldn't have to listen to a screaming child if you did get a divorce and let your husband raise the child. I don't see where his opinion is any less valid. Hopefully you make a decsion you can live with.

Answer 9

Not every woman should have a baby. Many women are not nurturers. People think that women should have children because they can, but quite often, these same women neglect or mistreat a child.

You husband sounds like he is hurting...this is his child, too. I'm sure it will change everything, for him, if you abort this child.

The whole thing is very sad. This wonderful little life, growing in your womb, has tumbled into a real mess. Her Mother doesn't want her.

You do need to make this dicision, alone. You will lose your husband and who can blame him?

Answer 10

Have you ever thought about what would you do if you die in the next few minutes in an accident? Can you say you can live up to 90 ? If you die now, what will happen to your plans and hopes and all those immature stupid,selfish things. You are thinking against the natures rules. Have you ever thought what would have been your status if your mother had your very same idea while you were in her womb? Why you are hating some thing which you have never used to? You believe it or not, from the very begining of this world, all those gracefull ladies had this feeling in varying strengths due to the fear of delivery (pain) but you see for every pain there is a rewarding gain! And all of them forgot the pain when they saw the beautifull winking eyes of the child! You believe it or not : the most wonderfull joyous delightfull thing in the world is the first smile of a newly born baby. You believe it or not : your baby can make your life a heaven! Never think about murdering a person who is unable to resist, unable to cry even- he / she is inside your womb knowing all your thoughts, feelings and yet unable to react. If it had a toung to speak to you, it would have said " Mom, I am your first child. What are you going to do with me? don't kill me please- I love you Mom."
Have you ever thought of couples who are not having children even after 10 or 20 years of marriage? This is a blessing from the God! try to understand! Your life will be much happier on his/ her arrival. This is from my own experience!
Good luck! Prepare to celebrate your happiest days !

Answer 11

They are not the ones having a baby growing inside of them, they have their morals and you know your decision. Your husband when he talked about supporting you probably had no idea this would happen, so it was in hear'say, reality is so different, he'll be grieving which is only natural, also because your Best friend who has been trying to have a baby and can't, is angry at you, as you have got pregnant so easily and want to get rid of it just like that, in her mind. Parents they always expect you too think long and hard making a life changing decision. It is your body after all so your decision, if your husband knew your stance on having children and can't support you like he said in hear'say then he obviously isn't worth the paper he put his signature on when you got married, sorry.