Do I have a right to be upset?

Question

My husband tells me Friday afternoon that his brother is coming into town for Easter, then on Sunday he informs me that they are going to a soccer game that night. I had made plans weeks prior to color eggs with our neighbors and he was with me when we made the arrangements, Do I have a right to be upset. He never talks to me.

Answer 1

you have a right to be upset, however you shouldn't be. Mine does the same exact thing except we own and work in a restaurant and he usually springs the fact that guest are coming about an hour before they arrive after I've just finished working a 12 hour shift. He's been doing stupid things like that since we met. Cancelling last minute dates and popping up for ones out of no where. Women like to plan we are perfectionists. Guys do not and never will get that it's not a great thing to spend time with friends or family for us when we are worried about being unprepared for them or breaking prior plans. Pick your battles and accept this fault in him like the fact he can put his clothes on the floor next to the hamper but never ever in it.

Answer 2

Yes. I would be upset too. i would feel like he didn't respect me. That is an insensitive thing to do. Even if he doesn't get to see his brother that often, the least he can do is let you know prior to the day of that he's gong to do that with him. As far as his brother coming to town and you not finding out until Friday, that may have been out of his control, but the soccer game is a different thing.

Answer 3

It was rathe rude of your husband to spring that on you with no prior warning. Since he knew of your plans with the neighbors, I'd say you have every right to be upset!

I would also say you both have a lot of work to do on the communication issues. You could start out by saying that not only were you hurt about the soccer game that night, but that he needs to tell you things.

Answer 4

I think that if you knew on Friday that his brother was coming for Easter. Then you should of talked to him and talked about the "egg coloring." Perhaps his brother would not be interested in "egg coloring." Perhaps your plans should of changed since his brother came. You guys should of planned together what would be best for all three of you. Seems like the lack of communication was between both of you.

Answer 5

Of course you have a right to be upset. You always have a right to feel your feelings. Now, the question is... what are you going to do about it? He never talks to you? Men have a very hard time communicating with women. Women are great communicators but for some reason, most men don't know how to communicate. I suggest you have a talk with him and let him know how much he disappointed you and how you felt hurt because of his actions. Yelling won't solve anything, so speak to him when you have calmed down. Hopefully, he will hear you, understand your point of view, and try not to do something like this to you again in the future. If you're having major communication problems, I suggest marriage counseling. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Good Luck! Laurie Lee

Answer 6

If you feel upset you should let him know... calmly and nicely. He will never know what upsets you if yhou do not talk to him about it. A marriage should be a friendship too, so get on with communicating. Maybe he is feeling like he needs to make some decisions for himself rather than you making them for him?! I would never make plans to do something as a unit without discussing it with my husband first. If you don't want to go to the soccer game and he doesn't want to color eggs then it is okay. Let him have some freedom, do your own thing, and he will want to hang out with you more.

Answer 7

Oh I can just see a guy jumping for joy over coloring easter eggs. Frankly I'd rather he go to the game than gripe about having to color eggs. I can't even stand to color eggs...

Answer 8

I can understand him wanting to go to a game with his brother since he came into town. At the same time, if you two made plans, and he agreed to those plans, that is rude and disrespectful towards you. I think if you make a commitment, you ought to keep those commitments.

Answer 9

He obviously doesn't care one bit about the plans that you make or about being involved in those plans. So, you should go ahead and make whatever plans you want and follow through on them. I don't think you even need to tell him or ever expect him to show up. Treat him with the same lack of respect that he shows you.

Answer 10

Yes, he should learn to communicate better. If he expects you to listen to what he says, then he should do the same for you. I would talk to him about the way he listens. Be careful not to say, "You made me mad." Instead direct the cause of your frustration toward his actions and not him. Say "When you don't listen..." and then describe the way you feel when he doesn't listen. Be calm when trying to work things out because negative actions receive negative reactions.