I will really appreciate that only divorced answer to me, please?

Question

I have been dating with a wonderful divorced man. He just told me that he is very confused and he is considering to break with me since he is very afraid to getting married and later on we might finish in divorce, he has explained to me that a divorce is the worst situation a person could face. I think that we love each other. I love him with all my heart, as I have never loved someone before. I am 100% he is the man in my life. Is it normal that he feels this way? Theres is something I could do to try to save my relationship with him? He is the love of my life. I have never been married nor have children. He has 3 children. I do not want to loss him. Please I need your advice.

Answer 1

You need to move on as this is what he is trying to tell you. Right now he isn't ready to make any type of commitment. If he is the one you two will someday be together. You could run him further away if you don't allow him this space. That is something you don't want. Give him some space and see what happens. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but better to wait and see, than go through a divorce later.

Answer 2

I was married for all of a year and a half before I discovered that my husband had been cheating on me since before he ever said "I do". I had dated him 3 years, and had no idea. In fact he did not start cheating on me until after we were planning the wedding. So with that background, one might see why I am a little hesitent to trust someone else and why I may not be so willing to dive head first into another marriage. Since my divorce, I have been dating a wonderful guy for over a year, but there is no way I am ready to even talk marriage again. He is wonderful about not pushing me or talking too much future talk. We take one day at a time and just enjoy being together. He knows that I am committed to him and am not going anywhere, and there is an unspoken understanding that we both care very much for each other and there is a pssibility for a very lengthy relationship. But there is no sense dropping the "M" word. We both know that would probably scare the crap out of me.
As for your relationship, the fact that he is talking about breaking up with you is problematic. I have not ever said anything like that to my BF. Quite to the contrary. Although I never mention the big "M", he has no questions about my loyaty and commitment to him. Either he wants to break up with you for normal "break up" reasons, or he really is trying to run scared, but deep down wants to be with you. Are you pushing for marriage, engaging in a lot of future talk, or otherwise trying to tie him down? If so, it may be too much too fast for him, and you should back off. If not, then there is nothing you can do and he just has to work through it on his own (or with the help of a counsellor). In either event, you may see if he is willing to go to counseling with you to help get to the root of what really is making him act this way.

Answer 3

I think that you just need to make him understand that you love him and would stand by him for as long as possible. That you aren't that woman before and it is unfair for you to pay for her mistakes.
I think that he hasn't gotten over the divorce fully yet so stop being all futuristic with him and treat him like a girlfriend. The more pressure you put on him is the worse thing yet. He probably is feeling a bit pressured and this is why he is backing off.
Tell him that you want to slow down and try things as a normal relationship just to see how things go. Go with the flow and in time he would get over the feeling and try to make things work. The more time is the more he would be falling for you and soon enough he would come to see that he doesn't want to lose you and would marry you.

Answer 4

I've been through a divorce and it's emotionally and financially traumatic.
I know in my heart I will never marry again. It isn't even an option.
If you love this man, then you need to give him the space and the time for the wound to heal. He may change his mind.

But what do you want? Marriage? Children?
If those are things you want, then you may have to walk away from him and find someone that can give you what you are looking for.

Answer 5

Im not divorced but it is completely natural that he feels very nervous about going through that situation again... just tell him you want to take your time, you dont want to get married yet. You want him to feel confident about it first... it doesnt even sound like youre all that confident "I think we love each other". Just slow down. Communicate to him youre in no rush.. the last thing youd want is a divorce too. Good luck.

Answer 6

Divorce is a awful thing. Especially when you add the children. Do you know the "reason" for the failed marriage? That may clue you in to his "fears" or even a pattern. It could even be he's not ready to walk that road again. My ex- remarried too soon and has expressed his misery. Everyone deals differently.

Answer 7

i have been divorced be for and he is right and it is some thing that well set you back and be afraid of getting married a gain . next time you see him tell him you love him. for him to take his time that you well be happy just to date him that you well be there for him and when he is ready he well let you know you have to re ensure him you well not hurt him like his ex did be in no hurry to rush him or you well lose him for sure . if you really love this man like you say you do you well wait for him and one more thing don,t say any thing about getting married this well scare him a way any way good luck and in time he well come around

Answer 8

Hi, what he feels is normal. And it will stay this way until or unless he works through the grief of the divorce - the relationship itself, his feelings of failure, the blow to his self-esteem, the anguish of what divorce means to his kids, what they are going through and the fact that they now come a 'broken home'. Everyone handles grief differently.

And unfortunately, the first relationship after a divorce is usually a rebound or a transition relationship.

Answer 9

Listen, you need to tell him that every situation is different. I am a divorced woman with a divorced man and it can be difficult and confusing. Divorce is painful and it really sucks with kids but you are not his ex. and you need to tell him this. He is just scared. Good luck!

Answer 10

You have lost him. Whether he is truly afraid of another divorce, or whether he is just using his previous divorce as an excuse to not marry you, I don't know. But he has made things crystal clear.
You need to find someone else.