My biological dad is an alcholic. I have not seen him in 12 years!! He is very sweet off of drugs and my mom liked him and had me. Now, that Im older I feel like I need to contact him and get him fixed. What do you think of this??Do you have any advice??
2007-04-08 12:37:33 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Im 13 and I have not seen him in 12 years. I am very depressed and my mom doesnt even see it.
2007-04-08 12:40:55 · update #1
Oh my goodness! I was in the same situation!
I tried. Oh, did I try. . .and it got me hurt, abused, in the hospital and other awful things I can't even put into print!
As much as you want to, you can't fix him. It's not that you're not a good enough daughter, or anything like that. He just has to fix himself by wanting to heal, by wanting to change. Mine didn't. He died after a drinking binge. It took me a long time to realize this, because I was so caught up on the whole "I have to fix him. .if I saw him I could fix him" thing, until I realized that I couldn't. HE had to, and if HE didn't want to, I had to just understand and do what I had to do, which was keep on with my life.
Only do it if you want to see him as he is. Otherwise, keep on with your life and know that you did what was right for you.
2007-04-08 12:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by Fish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told your Mom that you would like to see your Dad? You can't fix him sweety, he doesn't drink because of anything you have done and only he can change. He must first admit that he is an an alcoholic. But maybe if you tell your Mom that you are Depressed and that you really want to see your Dad maybe she will be willing to set up a meeting for you. Good luck sweety.
2007-04-08 13:25:29 · answer #2 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my biological father is an alcoholic too. A crazy mean one. I do not see him because I have seen what he is capable of. If your biological father has a mean streak you might be better off without him. Even if he's just a pathetic drunk that is not mean, he may not be a good person to be around. I doubt you could fix him. He would have to want to fix himself. Often these people are seriously sneaky and manipulative. Be careful.
2007-04-08 12:45:58 · answer #3 · answered by Stormy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is very sweet that you want to help your real Dad...but he is a very sick person with a very difficult and over powering disease. Alcoholics do not take kindly to folks reminding them about their drinking even if it's with good intentions to save them......they just can't see this. You will best serve him by praying for him and maybe writing him a letter to tell him how you feel....but don't expect miracles because of this....he has to admit to his drinking problem before he will listen to anyone. You will only get hurt and disappointed if you expect him to listen just because you are "blood" related. Please..I know what I'm talking about....I had first hand experience with a family member who was a drinker and I have been there before.
2007-04-08 12:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by EvelynMine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not fix him. It just wouldn't work. He has to decide for himself that he wants a better life then take the steps to get it. AA would be a start for him.
If he hasn't contacted or even attempted to contact you in 12 years.....think about this. Are you over 18? What does your Mom think of this? Just remember he has to want to become sober. And no one can make him want to. If he told you he'd do it for you it probably would be temporary. It has to be for him.
2007-04-08 12:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by Proud Nana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just setting yourself up for disappointment. The only one that can fix your dad is him, through his faith in God. I know it seems like a good idea but trust me you do not need that kind of hurt in your life. Having an alcholic in your life is devastating & it is the kind of thing that could change your life in a bad way.
2007-04-08 12:43:35 · answer #6 · answered by Optimistic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can guarantee u this. YOU cannot fix him . My father also was just like ur Dad and he had to hit total rock bottom on his own and ask for help for himself. No one can fix an addict unless they want to b fixed.
getting in touch with him may or maynot b a good idea depending on how he feels. If u r willing to have ur heart broken, then try to contact him, but b perpared to b disappointed time and time again.
i wish u all the luck in the world because unless u r made of tough stuff, u r really gonna need it
2007-04-08 12:43:04 · answer #7 · answered by Nora G 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I must agree with J's good advice.......You CAN'T fix him doll. Trust me, I had alcoholic parents my entire childhood. At least your mother was brave enough to get you out of that atmosphere.
People have to find their own way in life. Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom. Other times, they may never find their way out. But, you can only support them and let them know you love them. That is the best anyone can do. Your dad needs to WANT to seek help for himself. Otherwise, nothing anyone says will really make a difference.
Chin up. The best thing you can do for your father is to become the best person you can be in life, despite your own challenges. You can't let his problems become yours, or they will only drag you down.
I hope someday your dad will seek the help he needs to overcome his addiction. I can promise you, his biggest loss will be missing out on such an incredibly caring and wonderful daughter like you. Let yourself be his reward for success, not his excuse to wallow in his misery. Good luck to you.....And use your energies on your own life. You'll find more happiness and success that way.
2007-04-08 12:56:32 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all want the holes that we see in our lives patched, that is only natural. Regard your mother as the grown up in the family and take her advice now. Keep a diary and wright your present daily thoughts in there. When you get out on your own after 18 you should go on your quest. The only thing you can do now is pray for him and lead your life in a positive manner. I will pray for you. Thanks for connecting to me !!!
2007-04-08 17:23:24 · answer #9 · answered by rapturefuture 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At your age, now is probably not the right time to see him..
He needs to get his life together first and you can't fix him.
He has to fix himself........then maybe you and him could get in contact with one another...
hope I helped in some way at least......Best wishes to you hon..♥ You could probably use some councilling if you are depressed......
2007-04-08 12:52:55 · answer #10 · answered by Bren 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋