What are we teaching our daughters about marriage?

Question

I was playing with my baby niece and 3 other girls, ages 8 - 10. One asked me "Was she born before the wedding, or after?" I couldn't believe it!

Then they all proceeded to tell their stories. "I was born before my mommy got married," one said. "I was in my mommy's tummy when she got married," said another. "My mommy didn't get married to my daddy," said the ten year old.

Am I the only one who finds this shocking and sad? That it's just a normal part of life to have children out of wedlock?

It has been proven that children raised in two-parent households (where they are commited to each other) have better futures and are more stable mentally and emotionally.

Of course there are always the exceptions - women with abusers, etc. But why did those women choose abusers? Because they didn't have good parental, married role models themselves!

Answer 1

No, you're not the only one who finds this shocking and horribly, horribly sad. Sadly, not getting married before having children is quickly becoming the norm. I don't agree with it at all, and have rather bluntly expressed my opinion on that subject here, and gets LOTS of "thumbs down" because of it. While I'll never judge someone for their life choices, it always saddens me (and cracks me up at the same time) when the woman (and it's ALWAYS the woman) gets all upset when the man in her life, and father to 1 or more of her children, decides to up and leave, he's had enough. These women don't understand that there hasn't been a committment on their man's part, the committment isn't there until he stands up in front of a judge/minister/family/etc., and says "I do" when asked "till death do you part?"

I have taught BOTH my children that having children is something specifically reserved for marriage, a child deserves to have 2 parents who love each other, who are married to each other. That's the ideal. I realize the ideal is happening less and less, and certainly there are circumstances where the parents can't (and shouldn't) be together. But the ideal is a married couple having children. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Answer 2

The 'sexual revolution' didn't benefit us. We have learned that sex is not taboo, we know we all got here the same way, & we talk about it more freely. But in doing so we women have bought into the lie that we can behave the same way men did/do (which I believe has been wrong too) with out any more consequences.

Women have always been the relationship monitors. We analyze what's happening and keep the relationship healthy, emotionally. You cannot sleep with a variety of partners and it not have an effect.
We now have rampant STDs, AIDS, cervical cancer increase, illegitimate children, and IF the children are lucky, the parents marry.
But we're not going to let any CHILD to force us into an 'unhealthy' relationship! No way! We can sleep with a person, but would never consider marriage!

So we have single parent families where children grow up without the influence of both sexes and they cannot be emotionally secure or balanced. It wasn't designed that way.
But for some reason, we seem to think we're smarter.

Answer 3

I'm afraid it seems to be the norm now. It is true that children are better off with both parents but only if the parents are committed to each other and to parenting. I never married my children's fathers and they have both grown up happy and successful but i think that that is the exception and not the rule. It is by the grace of God that my son is a good husband to his wife and that my daughter is thinking more of her career than bringing me grandchildren home.
the best that you can do is let these little girls know that the best way is to have 2 parents but not to comdemn their parents

Answer 4

Marriage is a wonderful institution. But real life often gets ahead of us.

I had no idea that people still use the expression "out of wedlock." I hope you didn't get all patronizing and compassionate on those little children saying things like :"Oh, you poor thing. Tell me how it feels to be a pariah in society. This must be terrible. You're an out-of-wedlock child and therefore a lower human being."

It's not shocking or sad. You make it shocking or sad. And, honestly, you really sound self-righteous!

Answer 5

I see nothing shocking nor sad about a woman having a child. A woman does not HAVE to be married to have children. Marriage and children don't always equal a happy family. What I have taught my daughter is that she doesn't NEED to be married to have a happy life. Not everyone on this planet was cut out to be married. I know I certainly wasn't but I have been a damn good parent. I enjoyed being a parent and wouldn't have missed it for anything on this earth. However I HATED being married and will NEVER do that again.

Answer 6

women did that for thousands of years. What did it get them? an fairly extreme fee of abuse. women already do this for the period of many third international international places. on an analogous time as many husbands handle their better halves via fact the treasures they're, others beat up or kill their better halves so as that they'd get a clean type. in fact, interior the U. S., maximum men would desire to kill their spouse and not in any respect be charged ahead of 1910. They have been basically charged/hung for homicide for killing a guy. Why do you experience pressured to generalize approximately the two American women or feminists?

Answer 7

I'm not at all shocked but I am sad. We're not showing our kids how to be "married". Children learn by example and I'm afraid unless there is a great "awakening", things will only get worse. It's a crying shame. Godloveya.

Answer 8

I think it is sad that we are so judgemental. While it may be ideal to have a two parent family we all know that having two parents is not a garuntee of family happiness or stability. Which would you rather have a two parent family where the parents fight in front of the kids or worse abuse each other, or a single parent home where love and respect is the model?

Answer 9

My parents were married for 19 years. My father cheated on my mother, screamed at her, & threatened to never pay child support if she left. He died from a meth overdose at 38, leaving my mother a widow with 4 kids.

My point is, I wish my mother had divorced him & found happiness instead of constant pain.

If the kids are happy, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

Answer 10

Sorry to tell you but it's always been this way. Kids were being made before marriage decades upon decades ago. Yes it's a little worse, but mostly it's just more accepted.

Get use to it, you can't do much about it except with your kids.