I've been with my husband for 5 years and we have a 9 months all baby, since the baby was born we are having problems. We get very upset with each other for the smaller things and we don't talk for days.
Please I need an opinion
2007-04-08 09:08:31 · 11 answers · asked by dante goodboy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Welcome to parenthood. It's a huge adjustment, on both parents. If someone has decided to be a stay at home parent, then there's the added pressure of going from 2 incomes to 1. Plus, as I'm sure you've realized by now, babies are not cheap, and they are very time consuming.
What you have to realize is you were married to each other BEFORE you had that baby. I'm not saying that the baby isn't important, he/she is, but your marriage is way MORE important. You will (hopefully) be married long after that child (and any others) has grown and moved away from home. So you have to focus more on your marriage. Spend a night each week going on a date. Yes, this involves finding a babysitter, but it will be so worth it in the end. Many teenage girls and college students LOVE to babysit, especially for a younger child like yours, because the baby does tend to sleep more--but they're still fun to play with, etc.
Also, here's my opinion on you guys getting upset/irritated with each other over the smallest things. You're sleep deprived, probably both of you. Try to count to 10 before letting yourself say whatever comes to mind when your husband does something stupid like ask for the millionth time how long to heat the bottle in the microwave, or where the pacifiers are, or where the diapers are, or any of that stuff. I know it's hard, especially when you're tired, and feel like you've been around this baby all day long, and he/she's really not as cute as everyone else seems to think. Trust me, I KNOW....my husband said some real idiotic things when our children were little. Sometimes you've just got to bite a hole in your tongue, or a fight will start.
Also, you guys may need some counseling here. I know my husband and I did after our oldest child was born, when she was about a year old. If we hadn't done that, I can tell you right now we'd be divorced, because that was the direction we were headed. So maybe bring that up with your husband as well. With some work, you guys can get your marriage back on track, and be the parents that your baby deserves. Good luck to you both!
2007-04-08 09:21:49 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you two are experiencing parenting and the stress of a child. Before the baby, you two were able to enjoy life, and didn't have the obligations, responsibilities, and the stress of a child. Now you do. It is normal for both of you to be alittle stressed right now, but you learn how to cope with it. Suggestion, find a relative that can watch your baby for a few hours, and BOTH of you go out on a DATE with each other. Just because you are now married and have a child does not mean that the dating has to stop. Rent a movie, and have a movie night if nothing else. Go for a walk in the park without the child, and spend some alone adult time together. It sounds like you both need it if I may say that. Rekindle the relationship and remember why both of you got married in the first place. Another suggestion, both of you set a time for BOTH of you to communicate and talk once a week for an hour MINIMUM, and no this does not count as your date. Arrange to have your child taken care of or asleep/napping, and just the two of you talk about your day/week/coming up holidays and vacations, everything and anything. TALK, don't sit there and have trivial talk about the weather, but talk like you two before baby. Keep the relationship alive, maybe surprise him one night when he comes home from work with a night of romance, maybe??? You get the idea.........
2007-04-08 09:21:54 · answer #2 · answered by lorencehill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both jealous of the relationship that either has with the baby but you both love the baby a tremendous amount!! It is a trust issue between the two of you. You all need to step back and learn to have faith and gentleness in and toward one another. Being really honest together in front of a counsellor can help to save your marriage. It takes 2 people to argue. No longer participate in arguments. Be the bigger person. Respect and weakness are not the same thing. Do it for your marriage. As the baby grows, so will the 2 of you back toward one another. Blessings.
2007-04-08 09:17:06 · answer #3 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes its a hard time and it will get better, but you do need to spend some time together alone. doesn't have to be long. just an hour a week is better than nothing. you don't realize how busy you are with the baby until you have a mountain of problems. Tell him your tired with the baby and so is he i imagine? as a family member or friend to babysit and you both go for a long walk or some lunch. it would do you both good. Try not to stress yourself as well. try to stay focused. Good luck.
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