why do people always say u should save your virginity for marriage?

Question

people always advice u should save it till your married, however more than half these people do it before themselfs. why would u suggest something to people that u dont apply to yourself. and its not like there are people that learn from their mistakes, but it seems like everyone does it and then expects others to wait.

Answer 1

Most people say to wait because of situations like this.. (an actual Yahoo answers question)

"I told my mom today, finally. I didnt plan on doing it today or for a few more weeks actually.. but the things she was talking about kind of forced me to. I told her I am pregnant. Naturally she is crying and upset.. I didnt know how to handle the situation , so I told her to calm down and relax, that it would be okay. I told her I know she is disappointed in me right now and that I want to talk to her when she calms down . I left her house and came back to my apartment, told her to call me when she was ready to talk. Told her I loved her and she said it back.. just not very meaningful. I am 19 and I know this is hard on her.. But will she eventually come around??"

Having sex can have many dire consequences that young teens can't even begin to consider, such as pregnancy, infection with STDs (sexually transmitted diseases,) getting dumped by the guy and then feeling guilty/sad/bad/crying, having your "friends" call you a whore and other bad things, having your parents get angry with you and kick you out or ground you, etc. People tell you not to have sex to avoid all these headaches.

They also tell you to wait because they probably DIDNT wait and then felt awful about it, or got hurt, or got sick, and they just want to make sure you don't have the same problems.

Another reason why they may say it is because once you have sex, its never the same. If your first time was bad, then you can never make it right. If the first time was great, then maybe when you get married it will never be quite as good again.

Who knows why people say what they say. What you should worry about is why YOU want to rush in and have sex at a young age. I had sex young because I was stupid and drunk. I don't remember if it felt good or not. I don't remember if I even liked it or not. All I remember is getting naked, and then waking up naked. I wish I could do it over so I could remember it and enjoy it.

I now have a very healthy sex life with the woman of my dreams. Did my having sex out of marriage make any difference? I don't think so. Do I recommend it? Only if you are ready for it. Only you can know that.

Answer 2

I suppose morally it's wrong to have sex before marriage.

But real life is different. It just doesn't work that way. Unless you live in a very closed-in conservative (and probably religious) community.

When people who save themselves get married at a young age and shortly after they meet each other, then it's because they just want to finally have sanctioned sex and with raging hormones. They get married for the wrong reasons and then a few kids later, they have a real mess on their hands. Waiting is no guarantee that the marriage will last. Plus, dare I say that here? It is an old tradition in many conservative environments to have the woman's hymen remade. There are doctors who can restore virginity. Apparently, it's a simple procedure and medically no big deal.

You need to decide what is right for you.
I have to agree with you that it's wrong when people don't do this themselves but ask others to wait. This is just a guilt-trip. And it shows that those people have made the wrong decisions in their own lives. As long as you are careful about the decision you make and do the best you can, you're fine. But mistakes will happen. All you can do is move on and learn from them.

It is important though to think carefully before before taking that next step in a relationship.

PS: Not that this matters here- but...do you remember the run-away bride in Georgia? was it last year or the year before? Her fiance didn't want to have sex before marriage and she wanted to. I still believe that this was probably one of the reasons why she left the way she did and freaked out. She probably couldn't handle anymore being rejected in this way. Who can blame her?

Answer 3

It's more about what you don't want to happen and the influence to wait often times comes from people that know what happens when you don't wait. Those that choose to have sex anyways are the ones that choose not to listen, later ending up to be the ones that advise you not to later.

And the reason why most believe that you should wait is because if your a woman and get pregnant and not officially married, the father of the baby could possibly walk out on you and leave you to deal with his child. This does become a big burden to the mother because she will eventually feel all alone. This is where abortions comes in (the act of executing the baby in the womb). When women get an abortion, most generally have mental ailments later because they believe that they've comitted a murder.

Really, these among other reasons are why people adivise others not to have sex before marriage. When you have sex in marriage and become pregnant, it is almost guaranteed that your husband won't leave you because pregnancy is what you both decided on as a couple.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

I'm 16 and I'm not religious or anything, but I do want to save my virginity for the right guy and maybe I will wait until I'm married who knows! I would love to say I've only had one sexual partner in my life and it would be awesome if he could say the same thing. You said "i think that people need to stop telling young girls such as my self that the most valuable thing a woman or young woman can give there boyfriend or husband is in between her legs" and then you said "i believe the most valuable things a girl can give a man or boyfriend is her love and trust" I think if a girl waits and saves herself for that special guy that IS love and he CAN trust her not to go and cheat on him plus sex isn't just sex it's to have children and you should only bring kids into the world with the one person you trust with your life and love with all your heart.

Answer 5

Patience is a virtue! Honestly, I think people just can't wait to try IT out. People say that we should save our virginity after marriage, because then it's truly love, the couple really do see something in each other. If you do it before you get married -- and that's if you even get married to the guy at all -- it's just lust.

Answer 6

If you have sex before marriage, you lose a certain innocence that you can never regain, and that bothers a lot of people to the point that they regret not saving themselves.

However, a number of people who wait until marriage regret not having premarital sex, as they and their spouses are inexperienced, inept, and just plain bad at it. A certain degree of careful promiscuity makes a person a much more talented lover for when they meet the person of their dreams.

Honestly, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. So decide what's more important to you, innocence or expertise, and then go for it without apology or regret.

Answer 7

Most people are religious and their beliefs state that you most keep your virginity until marriage. You want to keep yourself pure and clean until that right someone comes along. If you are a Christian, in the eyes of God it is wrong to do it before marriage. And why take the risk anway of having a baby or having the other mate bail out if you have a child together? It's much simpler if you just wait till marriage.

Answer 8

I think it is down to personal choice. It's quite rare to find someone that has waited till they are married nowadays. I suppose it is worse to go the other way and not respecting your body and sleeping with anybody. I'm not married, 24 and have had 2 partners and do not regret it as i feel i was ready and in a decent relationship. You will know when you are ready - it does not really matter what other people think, if you think the guy respects you and loves you and you feel comfortable then go with it - Only one piece of advice - Play safe!

Answer 9

I would say it would be a nice fairy tale to meet someone and for both of you to wait until your married. In reality we live realistically and some may marry many times before finding happiness. I wouldn't advise being too critical with that unless you are in an arranged marriage or something and have no say anyway. What is important to you is what will answer that question.

Answer 10

How do you think we learned that lesson? We want you to benefit from the knowledge that we gained the hard way. Everyone's parents tell them to wait, but teenagers don't listen to their parents, we didn't either, but we learned the hard way that if you don't wait for marriage you end up raising a child by yourself, regretting the decision, or suffering through an STD. Think about it this way- what other possible motivation could we have for telling you that? What would we get out of it? Knowing we helped to prevent someone from needless suffering is the only possible benefit.