i read a ? on here and it made me think of something i am going threw right now. me and my 4 year old step-daughter do not get along, at night i find that i have a have a few drinks just to be able to deal with her. i am not an alcoholic, but i do find my-self drinking to deal, i dont get drunk, just enough to relax. my ? is what s your opion on how i am handling this, should i keep doing what i am doing or leave? also me and my hubby just had r first child together recently. please, i want other peoples honest opinions.
2007-04-08 07:50:06 · 19 answers · asked by greengrass 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
* It is VERY easy to get a four year old to like you!
All you have to do is find out what she likes and start playing with her. I would not do the punishments right now unless your husband is not there to do it!
um because if you go in and have to just do punishments she will only think of that and not the times when you have having fun. However if you are doing more fun things that she likes she will love you and learn you are a great person.
Explain to your husband that until she starts warming up to the fact that your not going any where that He's going to be the one in charge of the disciplines! You can still have your say but just lower the amount for right now and then you will not HAVE TO take something to relax 'cause right now you probley don't have a problem with it but in the future if you continue taking something it could lead to an addiction and I know you do not want that!
Good Luck and if you ever need someone to talk to you can E-Mail me!
I have a 5 year old and I know things can get rough at that age so...I can give you more Tips if you need them!
2007-04-08 08:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you're not specific about the problem you're having with the child so not much anybody can say about it. However your drinking is a problem, you probably aren't an alcoholic, but you're heading in that direction. It sounds as if you have some severe problems with coping skills. You are an adult and you have another child, how will it be different dealing with that child when he/she gets older? You really need to set down to talk to someone about what is really happening and be very honest. If you don't deal with it now, the chances are greater everyday that you will end up abusing the child. Remember, anybody that uses takes a chance on becoming addicted. Please see a professional and get some help with your coping skills before this goes too far.
2007-04-08 08:41:26 · answer #2 · answered by seniorchiefretired 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to drink to relax then you ARE an alcoholic. To be an alcoholic you do not have to get drunk...you simply have to be dependent upon alcohol which obvioulsy you are if you "need" it to relax. I can't see what problems a 4 year old can be other than being a normal 4 year old. Obviously you are not equipped to cope with raising children if you have to rely on alcohol to get your through it. I suggest you stop drinking and start taking parenting classes because your drinking isn't going to do you other child or your marriage any good either.
2007-04-08 09:25:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a ridiculous way to handle it. First, you should be a role model and you should be drinking around her. Second, she's your spouse's daughter - flesh and blood. Third, she's only 4 years old!! Wait til she's 13. You'll be suffering in an alcoholic coma...
Look, she's only 4. She may be behaving in ways that you don't like (spoiled, selfish, mean). But as her stepmom, you should realize that she's young and her habits can be changed.
Take it easy. Develop some simple routines reading, watching tv, cooking together, shopping, arts and crafts. Things that kids her age should enjoy. She may just be needing your attention and she deserves that. Don't hate.
Just don't be afraid. She needs to know that she is loved and that you can support her in her situation. She is from a broken home and that's tough. Learn to compromise and be gentle with her. I'm serious. Wait til she's 14.. if you don't work with her now, those years she will be h*ll on wheels.
2007-04-08 08:39:35 · answer #4 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion self medicating to solve a problem is never a good solution. Drinking the stress away probably just aggrivates the situation. Only communication will help both you and your step daughter cope with these problems. If you both have a communication problem I'd like to suggest family counseling. Include your hubby in this family solution. After all, all of you including the new baby ( congratulations), will benefit from the experience.
2007-04-08 07:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be a alcohlic yet but if you keep drinking a few drinks a night that won't be enough for you it will end up you will need more. You need to talk to your husband and tell him there is a few problems and set some rules for this 4 year old. And if husband doesn't wanna see your side then tell him he gives you no choice but to leave. Your baby doesn't need a mother who drinks. Atleast put your baby before anything. It isn't good to drink just to deal with things. Good Luck
2007-04-08 07:58:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Piss poor and dangerous!
Alcohol solves nothing, just kinda tapes over it until the INEVITABLE explosion.
Not giving the blended family much of a chance if diving into the bottle already.
The alcoholic tag will come and you will deny it then when obvious to all just as you deny it now when it is only your concious nagging.
Family meeting and empty the liquor cabinet.
Not successful get counseling at least for yourself and learn more strategies to deal effectively with step-daughter
2007-04-08 08:16:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not a bad person, but think about this child. I know what it means to have step children. I always liked them, but I did grow to love them and it didn't take me long to do that. They had no choice who was going to be in their life, he did have custody of them, so they lived with us full time. You have to put yourself in their place, they are scared and not sure what to expect. I am divorced now, but I still love the kids. This child is 4 years old, I would not want someone to mistreat mine if I wasn't raising them or even if they had to go over for a weekend. Would you want someone else to do this to your child? Because that day is coming if you can't at least be around her without drinking. He will marry again and guess what, that lady will or might be the same. I would play with mine and it wasn't because I had too. I wanted them to feel comfortable around me. You are the adult, you can change this around. Good luck
2007-04-08 07:59:36 · answer #8 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honest opinion?? I think you need to see a counselor or therapist. You might be having post-partum depression. You don't want to hurt the 4 yr. old. You're feeling that she is coming between you and your hubby and she's a child who came here innocently. Please talk to a professional about the drinking and the way you feel. Godloveya.
2007-04-08 08:43:03 · answer #9 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you definitely are not had ling it right a 4 year old driving you to drink honestly what can a 4 year old child do so bad? And did you think that maybe if you had a baby recently there may be sibling rivalry and you may have post partom depression
2007-04-08 08:37:01 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋