So, I'm not sure if I should be mad or not. But, I am steaming. Married for 2.5 years. I have 4 kids and he has 2. none together. I moved 3 hours away from my family to live with him. His family does not like me. They don't say that I'm not welcome but I always feel very unwelcome. I have found notes to my husband where his sister has called me the most evil person she has ever met. His family hates me. Every holiday he makes plans with them without telling me. This year he made plans to go to church with them. He asked me if I wanted to go the day before yesterday. I'm upset because I have a choice. I could go with him or spend easter alone at home with my kids while he takes his kids. So, here I am alone with my kids on easter while he is with his real family. He has no regard for me at all. Didn't ask what I was planning and didn't show any remorse when I confronted him. My family is 3 hours away. so here I am alone with just me and my kids. should I be upset?
2007-04-08 06:17:59 · 12 answers · asked by reowrrrr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes, it's been discussed several times. he just doesn't care. His sister will send invitations to parties addressed specificatlly only to him and his children purposely excluding myself and my kids. I went to xmas celebration this year only to have my childrens feelings hurt. I understand that my kids are not their grandkids, neices. But, my kids don't understand this. so, his kids were buy opening like 15 presents each while my kids got 2 each and had to sit and watch his kids and his nephew open mounds of presents. It really hurt their feelings. I don't want to subect my kids to that again. My husband makes plans to go to fun places and takes only his kids while mine watch his kids get all dressed up for a party and can't go. yea, i guess i'll take my kids to the park. I'm just home sick and miss the huge celebrations that we used to have.
2007-04-08 06:18:13 · update #1
Unfortunately, you have a poor excuse for a husband. I am not saying that to be mean or cause problems but, when he married you, you became his family. He needs to explain to his siblings and parents that you are his number 1 family and if they can't handle that, tough.
My wife and I live close to my family and my wife got scared after watching what seemed like (to her) my parents and sister helping my two brothers end their marriages. There was no hiding that my family didn't like their spouses. When my wife wife and I began having some minor marital problems, my family came swooping in like vultures to "support" me and make her look bad. I told my parents that my wife and kids were my family and they needed to stay out of our marriage because we weren't playing their game. This happened about 3 years ago and my parents get along great with my wife now. As for the kids, you may have to tell your husband that he needs to stand up on their behalf because it isn't right what your family does. If they want to give more gifts to his children they shouldn't do it in front of your children. If I were in your shoes I would be furious with my spouse as well you should be. He has placed the family he was born into over the family he chose to be with and he needs to pull his head out of his 4th point of contact before it dooms his marriage.
2007-04-08 06:54:41 · answer #1 · answered by dadof7n2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what happens sometimes with blended families, he should be more caring about the children and include them. Your main purpose is to protect your children. His family should have already accepted the children into the family, and if they haven't by now they never will. This will be a ongoing fight with you and him until the children are grown. When two people marry and both have children, each should make a special effect toward the other children. This can only be done by including everyone into the activities each plans. If he can't accept this, then you have to decide what can be done to change it, if not anything then you will have to decide if this is the way you want to live. Do you think if you just got ready and went him it would be okay with him? Yes, you should be upset if he isn't making your children part of his life also. He knew before marriage you had them just like you did with him. I would suggest the next time a holiday is coming up just asking what our plans are, this way you are using the word our, and not just his. Holidays should be spent as a family. You also don't say what ages all the kids are, and of course kids will be hurt if they see someone else treated different.
2007-04-08 13:31:45 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and all of the kids are his "real family." His priority should be you and the feelings of all of his children, whether "his" or step.
How hurtful for you all. His sister sounds like she is very serious about exlcuding you. Why? For her to say you are the most evil person she has ever met is pretty full on. Do you have any explanation for it at all?
You need to have a serious discussion about this with your husband and explain calmly and clearly about how you feel and why. If he cares for you as his wife, as he should, he will take your concerns seriously and work with you towards sorting out your problems. Perhaps speaking with someone independent of this would help, if he agrees.
If he's not responsive then you need to question the long term outlook. The emotional welfare of your kids is important in all of this - they are obviously picking up on what's going on. Put them and yourself first.
Don't be lonely. Spend some time with your side of the family - 3 hours is not TOO far away. It might help to have some space to think about what your next step is.
2007-04-08 14:32:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very one sided relationship and I wouldn't put up with it for a minute. Your children are innocent and have done nothing wrong for them to be treated this way. If I were you I would sit my husband down and have a serious talk with him and tell him everything you have said on here. Then make some ultimatums because you didn't marry him for you and your children to sit at home and be ignored every holiday or birthday or anything else that is going on in his family. If the two of you and your children are not invited then he should stay at home with you by standing up to his family and letting them know if you are not welcome then he is not coming. You have some serious problems and you need to get them straightened fast or you will be alone while he spends time with his family. This is disrespectful to you and he is allowing it.
2007-04-08 13:29:53 · answer #4 · answered by devilgal031948 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear this. You are right his family should be more welcoming to you and your children. It seems to me like they can't accept the fact that you are in his life. I would talk it over with him and let him know how you feel. Tell him you would like to discuss future holiday plans together and not have them made at the last minute. You and him are family and your kids are now family so your children should be just as involved as his children are in any activities that are taking place. I am sure you include his children in anything you do with your children.
2007-04-08 13:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You CHOSE to marry this man who chooses to be a part of his famiy's celebrations this is something YOU should have thought about BEFORE you CHOSE to get married. You really have no right to be upset since you had a choice in the matter and you made that choice. You need to grow up and learn to take responsibility for the choices that YOU make in YOUR life. If you did not want to be subjected to all of this then you should not have married the man. Either suck up and deal with the choices you made or end the marriage.
2007-04-08 18:05:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very sad, and I understand how you feel. I think he is not being very considerate of your feelings, because your kids are part of who you are and you can't detach from them. When he met you, you had your kids, and he would've known better before he married you.
It's hard to blend a family, especially when both have children. But children should be a priority for both of you.
It's hard to tell you what to do...I think you need to talk again with him, and if he doesn't understand, you will have to leave him. You don't want to sacrifice your kids, or put them in a position where they don't feel loved.
My dear, this is a tough one,
Good Luck!!!
2007-04-08 13:27:33 · answer #7 · answered by PRLadyDama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your probably better off alone than being with someone who constantly ignores you and your children. Why not pack up the kids and go home for a surprise visit. No matter how much talking is going on it appears its not going to change- re-evaluate your situation who needs to come first- him or your children. Are you willing to go Thur life with them being ignored- me thinks you all ready know the answer and your looking and asking for the answers you all ready know.
2007-04-08 13:27:25 · answer #8 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well if he is NOT asking you that means his sisters have playing with his mind and telling him stupid stuff about you so i would be mad and not go anymore with them and go to my own family
Good Luck
2007-04-08 13:23:00 · answer #9 · answered by Princess 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
consider some marriage counseling
2007-04-08 13:21:53 · answer #10 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋