Why does he do this to me?

Question

I do not like seeing cords laying around (and often i will try to hide them), and I don't like people using my pillow. My husband has known this about me forever.The other day i was pushing the dvd player as far back as i could get it so to hide the cords, and my husband said he wanted it out on the edge of the glass, and last night he was telling me that I am an adult child when it comes to my pillow. I asked him why he feels its his job to try to fix or change me, he said because its selfish and that would not have been put up with in his family. He made a comment last night and said that women are always trying to change men, why can't a man do it to woman? Why can't my husband relax and leave me alone? Why does he feel that it his job to try to make me let go of my quirks or change them?????? I don't think he loves me for me.

so many of you are missing my question. WHY does my husband feel like its his job to change me????

Answer 1

Your husband needs to grow up a little in the relationship. Nobody can "change" another person until that person wants to change. The thing about living with another person in harmony is learning about that person's "quirks" and respecting them. Sometimes, those quirks actually oppose each other such as maybe he does have a quirk about the dvd player being on the edge. Those things need to be discussed and a compromise put in place. If he just does it to anger you, you need to let him know that he is being the "adult child". My wife has a thing about pillows that causes her to need to buy a new one every month or so. It doesn't bother me so I let her do what makes her happy. If you are happy with not sharing your pillow, he should want to keep you happy and respect that.

Answer 2

Probably because he has issues or is insecure about his quirks. Those are odd habits, but they're not that big an issue. So you arrange things a different way so you can't see the cords, and use the same pillow all the time? whoppe. Not everyone tries to change their partner. Doesn't he love you for who you are? These quirks are part of who you are. Maybe you should try to tweak a quirk of his and see how he likes it.

Answer 3

Hahahaha ... these are opportunities for growing in love (smile). Changing and/or solving our everyday problems - like personal quirks - for each other strengthens our marriages. He's doing the normal 'job' of a spouse. If you think about it, you're trying to change him too. I have to admit that your 'pillow quirk' is pretty funny.

Hmmmm .... why don't you get him about 4 pillows with the same colored pillow case. Then, use a different colored pillow case for yours. Make sure the color of your pillow is bright red or something that really stands out from his pillows.

Answer 4

I honestly hate to say this but right now I think you have the wrong man. But there's a reason for everything, right? The two of you need to compromise. Perhaps you can say that as long as you can hide the cords then you'd give up the pillow thing. Talk to him, ask him what's been stressing him. And be calm around him, or at least as calm as possible. Perhaps he'd change the error of his ways. Tell him, again in a calm voice, that the two of you started dating/ are married because you love each other for who you were and that you're not about to change to ruin what the two of you have.

Answer 5

Ask your Husbend if he's able to compromise . If he want's the dvd player out,then you can do something to cover or discise the cord's .You can buy some of that fake Ivy and wrap it around the cord's,then wrap it around like the Ivy is growing around the table. Or bundle it up into a planter or basket and make it look like a plant,you can add flower's or anything you want. Or paint it to look any way you want . And I was thinking,some guy's don't like that purfume smell, so maybe if you started putting purfume or something on your pillow he will leave it alone.
Tell your husbend there's no room for a "Master" in your Marrige ! It's just you and him , two Equal adults! And as for you,! Don't loose faith in your self !

Answer 6

It sounds to me like the two of you have more problems than just the cords and your pillow. You should get to the bottom of them quick before you lose your marriage. You are picking each other apart for stupid little things that are going to grow into big things and before you know it there will be major problems.

Answer 7

Oh relax. He was probably just having a bad day and got annoyed with your quirks. So far, no one has ever divorced over a pillow.

Answer 8

I don't believe he thinks it's his "job" to change you. It seems he really likes to bug you about things he considers weird. Why do you let him? This isn't about whether he loves you for you at all. I don't like some of my husband's quirks but I have learned to laugh at them and he knows that I love him quirks and all. Give it a rest and let your husband know your not bothered whether he likes your quirks or not.

Answer 9

I think he loves you, but just don't understand your little quirks.
Pillows belong to the owner, and that is it. No one covets that
fluffy piece of my world. As far as the cords go, I am also the
same and get accused of being anal. There is nothing wrong
with having that obsession either. Just tell him to sit back and
chill. You may have to concede to something he is the same
about, but come to a happy medium. Maybe he likes to have
his toilet paper refilled for him, (not a man's job). Pet peeves
are nut driving for all of us. Has really nothing to do with love.
Good luck.

Answer 10

These little issues are just part of negotiating a marriage and a relationship and building a home. The issues themselves are small, but you two shouldn't be caling eachother names, either. Neither one of you should be trying to change the other, but compromises should be reached quickly so nobody feels needs to argue or insult the other.