Abusive husband. What shall I do?

Question

I am 7.5 months pregnant. My husband isn't supporting me financially. He has used all my savings, has put £20K debt on my name with loan and credit card. He has also abused my family financially. We live in my brother's house. I have asked him to leave but he refuses to leave and says he would hit me if I say any more. He has financially engaged my brothers with mobile contracts and debts too. I am scared to live alone because I can't work now until the child is born and childcare is also very expensive £700 pcm, so even when I work after child delivery, i wouldn't afford to pay for the house or childcare. What should I do?

Answer 1

You are making petty excuses for leaving such an terrible man. There are shelters and they well help you with everything you need including child care.

Answer 2

If I were you I would get as far away from this man as possible. There are too many issues here that are wrong. Firstly , he has some serious psychological issues from his childhood that he obviously has not dealt with. Secondly , he is extremely manipulative and abusive. Thirdly , he is undermining you and making you feel bad about yourself. This all contributes to an extremely unhealthy relationship . Having not met his family , you don't really know the true story behind his childhood , so, to begin with , if I were you I would be a little skeptical about his hard luck story until I had facts on hand. It was very very naive of you to think someone would be changed by marriage and I would recommend that you save yourself now - get out !! He is manipulative , he thinks he is entitled to do and say what he pleases. He feels entitled to have his own way . He is abusive and lacks remorse etc etc. Your husband has all the traits of a sociopath !!

Answer 3

* First off, since you two are living in your brother's home, your brother can have him removed from the property.
* Second, get a restraining order. He won't be allowed near you or where you are living.
* Third, seek advice from a lawyer about all the debt and the fraudulent activities.
* Fourth, have his name removed from ALL of your accounts. Checking, savings, credit cards. To be safe, have those accounts changed.

Can you stay with any of your family members? Would they be able to help you raise the child until you are on your feet?

In the States, some women have become CPR child qualified and babysit in their homes. It's very good money, that is if you can handle 3 to 5 kids running around at one time. That way, you can stay at home raising your child until they are old enough to go to school.

Answer 4

And you married this guy, why? And you got pregnant so soon, why?? Are you nuts? Honey, you needed to have thought with your head instead of your hormones.... You didn't see this coming????.... what WERE you thinking?

Notes from my mom: Maybe you can use these to straighted out your life later, and get on track....


1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry.... choose not only with your heart, but with your head.
2. Never have children until your marriage is solid.... kids can destroy anything. And never have any you cannot yourself support (oh, oooops, huh?)
3. Finish your education no matter what. And qualify for those high paying jobs. Marriage is never a lifetime meal ticket. Likely you will work sometime during your marriage/life, maybe for decades.... Get paid for it.
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are certain you will never need it. You will, and the more the better...

Thank you mom for these thoughts you shared with me sooooo many years ago....I love you for them.

Your life is off track, hon. When you find your balance, get back on track, or the rest of it will be miserable, and a constant scrap trying to find money..... Good luck, hon,

Answer 5

Your husband sounds irresponsible when it comes to money. Why isn't he supporting you financially at this time when your expecting his baby? What is he thinking? Abuse mentally or physically is bad news. Tell him to leave and ask your family to help you. You should of never given him the right to invade your savings. This has put you in a bad spot, nothing left to fall back on financially. If he won't move on, then you need to leave, pregnant or not. In your town there must be a shelter for abused women where you can get help. Check it out and save yourself and your baby. To hell with him and his greed. Cocoa

Answer 6

Maybe you should have the police assist in you getting that jack ask out of your house. File for divorce, alimony, and child support. Research a career, and get the education you need to afford a comfortable life style for you and your child.....it appears that being a single parent is in your immediate future.

Answer 7

Womens Refuge should be your 1st point of
call.This link hsould help you find a refuge if u live in the uk.

www.refuge.org.uk

also 0808 2000 247 national helpline for domestic violence.

Also you need to sort out your debt.Cancel any access he may have to any off your accounts.

Make sure your family are behind you 190% and more if need be.

Be strong for you and your baby.

Answer 8

Non support is grounds for divorce.
If he is freeloading off of your brother, let your brother put him out. That way your brother only has to support you. Breast feed your baby for as long as you can. It's free and better for the baby. Try to get on public assistance now.

In the United States there is food stamps, there are organizations that supply reading glasses, hospitals and clinics that provide free medical care, there are programs for free food at school for children, and programs and grants to put them through college, hud housing, wic for moms and kids help with utilities, free insurance for children, and medicare for physically/mentally challenged children and adults, churches help with rent and/or utilities. There are places you can get clothes for free...furniture for almost nothing. and many more places and avenues you can reach out for help.

You do not have to stay with a man that hates you enough to beat you to death and then turn on your child. America is a very generous nation, very loving.

Answer 9

you mentioned that you live with your brother, is he aware of the abuse you and your baby are suffering? you are aware that what you go through your baby also goes through it? you must get the support of your family and some type of law enforcement if need be. you have to remove this man from your immediate area before something tragic happens. are there some government programs that can help with the support of you and your unborn child, housing money, and medical assistance. please check into these possibilities and don't wait until something bad happens. God speed

Answer 10

1. Seek the presence and help of your family if you decide to move back to your parents' place.

2. If possible, lodge a report against him for his threaten.

3. Speak to the creditor about your situation and see if they could defer the repayments til a later date. I do hear of similar situations which the creditors are able to defer for about 6 months pending the childbirth.