a man's in love with me, and i'm married, what do i do?

Question

i go to a local nightclub, a chap who works there has become a close friend, he knows i'm married, and respects that, is happy to be friends nothing else, he's told me recently that he's in love with me, it does show, he walks like he's got his head in the clouds, others have said as much, i don't want to hurt him as he's a great guy, if i wasn't happily married, i would be interested, as he, like my husband is the older variety, which i go for, plus we get on well, he's widowed, good company, and tactile, like me, that is, he hugs a lot, which my husband isn't. i love my husband, and wouldn't cheat, but i care about this friend, what do i do? my husband has no idea, this chap also writes poetry, and has written me one from the heart, he's genuine and sincere just as my husband is.... help!!! and i don't want to stop going to the club, i feel comfortable there, my husband was the one who encouraged me to go in the first place

my husband works late shifts, several nights a week, he always brings me home, he wants me to dress up and go out, as i'd never been out much in my life, and had no life before i knew him, we've been married only since last year, he loves me, thats why he's given me freedom to do what i want in life, as for the person who says i'm a bad wife, i'm not actually, i look after my husband and show him respect and love. we communicate well, but the physical side is lacking somewhat through circumstances which sn't a problem for me. there some good answers with sound advice, thanks to everyone who gave me the good ones

Answer 1

Sweetheart.....it doesn't take rocket science to see that this guy is already turning your head, you're feeling guilty about it so search YA for others to say they think you're okay to go ahead...........you are playing with fire, if you don't get away from this guy & stay away......you stand to lose everything & I'm sorry to be disrespectful to your husband, but he's just plain mad if he really thinks he can encourage you to go out all dressed up to a night club & not get "pulled" by another guy,

For him to put you in that situation & not expect you to get involved with someone is actually cruel in a way........perhaps he's hoping you will get from someone else what he can't give you??????

If only life were that simple eh?

Answer 2

You are playing with fire !!!! You can not have your cake and eat it too !! And do you really think if somehting comes down with this ( and it will ) that this guy at the club is going to stand behind you 100 %
He has no respect for your marriage and how much can you believe what he has told you ? Has he shown you any proof ?
I to write poetry from the heart, but does it mean anything ? Probaley not !!! He sounds like a smooth talker, someone who wants a charm on his arm, after all you are the younger women.
Stay out of the club, and away from this guy you are setting your self up to be used !! What I have read about this guy is about 20 different red flags !! Heed the warning signs !!

Answer 3

honey u are playing with fire, u like him fine,but were u to date every man u like and that like u ,what will u be called....................
there are times in life when we have to choose ,by the way is ur marriage an open marriage,are u willing to loose it for an angel u dont know thank Goodness what he has that your husband doesnt have can be gotten by communication.
okay lets have this scenario what if u styart a relationshhip with him and u eventually leave your husband ,do u think he will ever trust u ? are u sure his fascination with u is not because u are married ?
i think u should appreciate his appreciating u and tell him how u really feel about him,and stop getting sooo physically close if not one day the handshake will get to the elbow
plus i do appreciate your coming out to talk about it it does show u love and have some respect for your husband
REMEBER THE GRASS ALWAYS SEEMS GREEENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Cheers

Answer 4

Sorry.... I have to throw the bullshit flag.

First... if this guy at the nightclub realy "respected" your marriage as you say. He would go away. Period.

Second, if you were happily married... this would not be an issue.

Third... and most importantly you are already taking time both emotionally and physically from your husband to think about or be with this other guy. You are in a since emotionally attached inappropriately with this guy.

If you love your husband break the tie with this guy and stop going to the club. Otherwise be emotionally and intellectually honest and divorce your husband.

Answer 5

Dear Rachael:

What do you mean by What do I do? You outta Know. First: stop going to that club. Obviously you love your husband, and I am sure that that isn't the only club around. you feel comfortable going there but it may cause you, your marriage. Find other things to do and stop accepting poetry from him. It may be seem as leading him on. Please, you seem to have a good marriage but at the same time I think you are enjoying his attention and that my dear may get you in trouble. So the question is: Is the club scene more important than you marriage?

God bless you,
me...in Patillas, Puerto Rico

Answer 6

Your husband is not acknowledging your needs, am I right? This is a problem in marriage and would be a problem as well with another man. It is clear that you want and need comfort. Jesus can give you the comfort you need, but pursuing comfort at the club will probably lead to more discomfort and I'll bet your husband knows that. Trusting Jesus (just between you and Jesus) is a very difficult thing to do and radical, but a requirement if you want comfort.

Answer 7

Well if your husband "encouraged" you in the first place, he is just about to find out what the result is like, isn't he?

Some husband. Nothing between the ears, obviously!

Tell this other guy to stop pestering you, or lose a dunce of a husband. That's your choice.

Good luck!

Russtti G [080407]

Answer 8

Your already emotionally cheating. Sex will soon follow, you have a million in one reasons why you ''need'' and or ''like'' to go to this club that this ''friend'' is always at.

Let's flip the switch.....let's say your husband has a friend that he likes, and the woman admits to him ( your husband) that she loves him. How would you feel if you found your husband on Yahoo Answers asking folk what to do?

You need to check yourself, and put some of that energy your wasting on this friend into your husband.

Answer 9

WOW! Going to the club when you are married is crazy to me, your husband telling you to go to the club makes me wonder, and even having thoughts of this "chap" makes me think that you probably need more to your life than you are getting from you husband, either he works to much or he just isn't exciting to you anymore. I say if you are bored and your husband told you to go to this club in the first place.... just mess around with this "chap" no harm in that and if you find out that you come to love him then just get a divorce, its very easy answer your just complicating it. Do what you feel~!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

Well, you're having your cake and eating it at the moment aren't you, so no wonder you don't want to stop going to the club and seeing him. You have all the security of a husband and life at home, plus the flattery and attention of someone new and therefore exciting who adores you.

It can't possibly end happily for everyone, whatever you do from here, so you just have to make a decision about who gets hurt.