Why does my mother hate me?

Question

My mother was 21 when she had me 19 years ago. She was very beautiful and would have done anything to get what she wants. I am a product of a one night stand she had with a company executive she slept with to get ahead in turn cheating on Derek , the man I consider my father. My real father was married so he didn’t want anything to do with me. Once my mother found out she was pregnant she told Derek and because he was so in-love with her he forgave her and agreed to raise me as his own. About 3 months after I was born my mother walked out leaving Derek a note how she wasn’t prepared to give up her dreams because of one stupid mistake and to put me in foster care if he didn’t want to raise another man’s child on his own which I learned about all this from my grandmother on my mother’s side. Derek is the only father I have ever known and the best father anyone could possibly have asked for never saying a bad word about my mother. I decided to find and meet her once I got my acceptance letter to Harvard Law School with Derek’s full support. She’s the CEO of a very high class fashion house. When I asked her why she left without looking back she told me I should be grateful she didn’t have an abortion and to get out because she’s a very busy woman. Why does she hate me? My dad said it was her loss and that anyone would be very lucky to have a daughter like me but it still hurts.

Answer 1

She sees you as a reminder of her failures - I would say you have done your best so far. I would just get on with your life, you have your fathers and his support of you is an outstanding love and you need to focus on rewarding yourself and Derek. He ahas given you the tools and support you need to make something of yourself. Maybe later your biological mother will come to accept you but I feel that she seems extreme self absorbed and she does not deserve the type of love and relationship that you would like there to be. Anyway this is my input I hope it helps a little. Good luck at Law School.

PS keep a journal and write a book and maybe this could make something for you.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for you, that your mother is the way she is. You'll never have your question answered, unfortunately. Only she knows why she rejected you and obviously she doesn't want to share with you her reasons. I think some people are just too egotistical and selfish to love anyone but themselves. Some people are just rotten and there's nothing you can do about it. However, she did show a little humanity by giving your dad a chance to raise you before considering foster care. And since he's just a wonderfu man, she unintentionally did you a favor. Now it's time to just move on with your life and forget this woman. I know it's terrible to go through life with unanswered questions but you'll have to since she still doesn't want a relationship with you. Why should you waste your time on such a horrendous person? You deserve so much better. If this has become a stumbling block to your happiness, though, maybe you can visit a therapist, who can help you obtain closure and move on. Good luck to you and God bless this wonderful man who saw a worthy human being who needed his love and support. Take care!

Answer 3

Wow, she sounds like an incredibly insensitive woman. Hopefully, some day she'll have the guts to accept the gravity of what she's done.
I can't answer your question because i don't know, but i'd venture to say that the hate she has isn't really towards you, but towards herself because deep down she knows what she's done is far from ok.
You sound very smart and seem to have a great future ahead of you. Go on with your life, enjoy your dad and time will bring the answers you need. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sweet little precious girl, I would give anything to be able to put my arms around you and hold you tight right now. I know how that must hurt! I hurt for you and I will definitely lift you up to the Lord in prayers today.

Your mother evidently has some serious problems emotionally herself. She has decided to put career above loving relationships and it is like your Dad has said, it is her loss! She has to be a very miserable person to be so blindly ambitious. It will never make her happy. Her competitiveness will only serve to breed more torment for her.

Who knows what has happened in your mother's childhood to make her behave so coldly?

I hope you are a Christian and are attending a good Church with some very godly believers that can pray for your emotional healing. If you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he can help you heal from this rejection. Just remember, your biological mother may be your (earthly mother), given birth to you but that certainly doesn't make her your mother. It says in God's word that when your mother and father forsakes you, He will take you up. God is our real father and our heavenly father cares about us more than anyone on earth ever possibly could!

Please remember, this is not your problem. This is your biological mother's problem. She is the one that is absolutely miserable and wretched. If you can ask God to help you forgive her and ask for the strength and determination to pray for her, it will help you heal. Remember, this is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with You!

I will pray that God will lead you to a godly woman that you can talk to about this. I am sure that your father who has raised you as his own is a wonderful loving father and I thank God for him. But you really need the advise, counsel and prayers of a godly woman to help you heal.

Answer 5

I don't think she really hates you. But she definitely doesn't care.
Some women just do not have any maternal instinct. I doubt she is capable of loving anyone, except possibly herself. She sounds like a very selfish, cold, emotionally frigid person.
Don't take her rejection personally. I know that sounds hard to do, but you will be better for it. Understand that she is not capable of caring for you and forgive her for it.
Your dad is right. It IS her loss.
You were so lucky to have a man in your life that was willing and able to be a father to you and love you. Many men can't do that for their own biological children.
I am sure that you have several people in your life who love you for who and what you are, like your dad.
We don't get to choose who we are born to and who our families are. But sometimes the best relationships are from those that choose us.
Accept what you can get, and don't worry about what you can't have. If someone doesn't love or like you, it is their problem, not yours.

Answer 6

Some women are just like that....egoist bit.ches. Thank your lucky stars for your dad Derek...and it doesn't matter if he is or isn't your biological dad, he raised you and that's what matters. Forget about your mom (I know it's hard) but she doesn't want to a mom and you shouldn't worry too much about being a daughter to her. Just continue being a daughter to the person who loves you.

Answer 7

your mom doesn't hate you, she may have been overwhelmed. I am so happy Derek was a great dad for you. Don't blame yourself for your mom's issue, she only saw what she lost not what she gained, she may have lost "perfect body" but she gained a beautiful baby girl that she was too blind to see. Good luck at Harvard.

Answer 8

It hurts and it will always hurt. Leave and don`t look back. Join the Navy. That is what I did when I was 18. Good luck.

Answer 9

This sounds like a Danielle Steele novel.