My wife and i are getting legally separated and because she is unwilling to work and told me she is in love with another man. This man was a friend of mine and also used to work with me. We invited him in our home and spent time togther and they obviously did not let, her love for me or his friendship for me stop them. Also I am in the profession(Army) where this kind of action is a sign of no honor or integrity and I could get him in trouble for it. I am hesitant to do so because i know it could cause trouble for me with relation to seeing my daughter. Also I would be seen as just retaliating since she will not choice us. I am angry about that but i feel it is my duty to report this kind of activity. My wife also thinks we can be friends and thinks i should be able to accept this, and that is just not going to happen i never want to see him or her again and will only be polite to her for the baby sake. SO i can spend as much time and care for our baby the right way.
2007-04-07 22:20:56 · 12 answers · asked by confused and in pain 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I realize that it makes my life more difficult to report this. I am fighting with the fact that i feel it is my duty to report this kind of activity. As much as I feel like the only one who is paying for her decision. I mean i loose her, the baby girl, and the family. I will be a part time dad and i loose her family too who love me and me them. She does not loose anything but me and he gains all i loose. I just feels so unfair.
2007-04-08 09:38:35 · update #1
retribution feels good but it will gain you nothing. Be the bigger man here. The best revenge is to make something grand of your life and let them swim in the cesspool of their own making. Their passion will cool and they will likely find that they don't really go together.
2007-04-07 22:26:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Take time out, The pain right now hurts, I know, I've been there. You want to hurt someone but, your only hurting yourself. I see myself once again many years ago.
Think of your baby, for now keep her in mind. Down the line you won't be sorry. Turn your back on what they did and forget it. Go back to your duty station and serve your time, do your duty. Instead of going home, stay with someone close by so you can see your daughter, keep in contact with her. See an attorney through the Service, they have them. Ask him what you should do, take his advice.
When you get out, go your own way, let them do what they want to do, make your own life. Good luck.
2007-04-07 23:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
According to your own code of conduct, I think It's your job to be, and make them, accountable to whatever authoirty you are under.
I don't consider this retribution. You are seeking some justice for being betayed by your wife and friend; and you are seeking it under a 'code of conduct' that eveyone involved had agreed to beforehand. Why would you betray your 'code of conduct' at this point. Isn't that dishonorable? In most cultures people need to give account for their actions. This is healthy for everyone - including your daughter. Its a shame that good 'authority' mechanisms are being phased out.
I'm happy to hear that there are still some 'masculine constructs' that reward honor and punish cowardice. Please submit yourself to the process. Don't be party to the decay of another honorable tradition by capitulating to any fear.
2007-04-08 00:04:42 · answer #3 · answered by Sultan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there, it does get better. You have alot of great answers here. You don't need to do anything, life will take care of it for you. Worry only about your daughter. She will always need you in her life. I know it is a question of honor and integrity but yours is still intact.
If you want to put your integrity on the line and if you are still hellbent on reporting him, you may want to fight for custody of your daughter. It can get really ugly. Do you want that?
Good Luck and God Bless
2007-04-07 23:03:17 · answer #4 · answered by kellyfl59 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Forgiveness is the noblest revenge , so be good to her and you can see your daughter, and you get many goods things work your way...1. Revenge, 2. Your daughter, 3. Being wise and Nobel. 4. You are happy and your wife will be paid off on her on own and you remain a gentleman!!!
2007-04-07 23:49:04 · answer #5 · answered by Birdie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
And what will retrobution bring you? Will it change the way the events of life have played themsevles out? Will it turn back the clock to a time when your wife did not cheat? All you will get are a few moments of satisfaction, you will still be seperated, your wife will still be in love with someone else and you will still be seperated from your child...retrobution changes nothing.
2007-04-07 22:44:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
There are so many women out there who are faithful,You do not need to report this,Its not worth all the agro and you will be able to continue seeing your daughter.
Just (when your ready) go out there and find a woman who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Look at it this way the tart done you a favour, you can do MUCH better anyway.
Good luck 2u you deserve MORE.
2007-04-07 22:30:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Man my heart goes out to you ! I went threw the same thing 10 years ago and It still pisses me off she did that but don't seek revenge .Your child is what counts now not her.Trust me she will get hers just like my wife did .Funny how that works out .Hang in there buddy you'll get threw this.Replace the x with a better model put all your love in the child. You being successful moving on is revenge enough
2007-04-07 22:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
your wife is correct, even if it's difficult for you to see that at this time.
you should grieve, for two or three weeks. you lost a wife and a friend.
when you return to normal life (I mean after your grieving) you should act as if those two were always together and you were just an aquaintance who knew both of them.
be nice. they also have the problem of adjusting to new circumstances.
your daughter will always be your daughter. don't add more drama to her life by seeing only your sorrow. look to the future.
2007-04-07 22:31:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would do what I could, to make sure I had visitation rights with my child.
Getting him in trouble will serve no purpose.
2007-04-07 22:28:00 · answer #10 · answered by rustybones 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋